Alright this is just a random story I did around 3am so it will probably not be that good. However I want to know what you think, and I have to thank my amazing friend for helping me with it. We were bored, tired and off. This is what you get when you put someone that has insomnia and gets loopy from no sleep, and someone with A.D.D and put their minds together lol. I hope you like it, it's different.

However, this does have Superman and Wonder Woman in it… The Joker, Batman and Ivy play a big part along with the Riddler and others. I based Batman and Joker off of Nolen's version and it takes place sometime after the Dark Knight I guess. It's just a silly twisted love story I guess. Kind of based on a dream. However all the other stories will involve the Dark Knight/Batman characters. Like Rachel, Gordon, Batman/Bruce, Joker, ect. Blah blah. So this is the only one that has all these characters. Enjoy!

I don't own any of the characters they belong to the comic book world. Also, no hard feelings against Marvel Comics… xoxo

Man Crush

Superman stood up from his seat and looked around at the others. He put his hands down on the metal table and looked around at the others. Sitting around the table starting at his left went, Wonder Woman, Batman, The Flash, Poison Ivy, The Joker and the Riddle, the seat to his right was empty. He couldn't for the slightest clue figure out why the Joker, Ivy and Riddler were there. They were after all villains, not only that but they were also in the Batcave. Superman shook his head and spoke to them.

"Did anyone listen to me?" he asked.

Wonder Woman nodded at him and he smiled. He looked to Batman who was slightly rocking in his seat biting his gloved fingers. The Flash disappeared then reappeared with a burger in his hand. Poison Ivy blew Superman a kiss and gave a wink. The Joker played with one of his knives and ran it along his gloved hand. The Riddler was making a model boat in a bottle. Superman growled and slammed his hands on the table. Everyone jumped and looked at him with curious eyes.

"No one was paying attention?" he asked. "Fine. I'll repeat my self in a small dose... Our worlds are merging."

"Why the hell are you here?" asked the Riddler.

"Our. Worlds. Are. Merging." said Superman slowly.

"Ah." said the Riddler continuing his work.

"We have to do something." said Wonder Woman.

"AHHHHH!" Screamed Batman, everyone slowly looked over at him and he sucked on his thumb. Ivy burst into laughter.

"Oookay." said Superman. "Like I said, we have to do something about this or all hell will break loose."

"Maybe that's what we want." said the Joker.

"Yeah, I mean... It would make our jobs easier." said Ivy and the Joker nodded in agreement.

"Why are you three here?" asked Superman pointing to the three villains.

"Got an invite." said Ivy.

"From who?" asked Flash.

"I don't even know you so I don't have to answer that." said Ivy crossing her arms.

"Batman." said the Riddler. All the super heroes looked over at Batman who stopped rocking and spoke.

"No I didn't." said Batman.

"Yes you did." said the Riddler.

"Nope not me." said Batman quickly.

"Yes you did." said the Joker.

"Nope nope nope nope." repeated Batman shaking his head.

The Joker took out a piece of paper in the shape of a bat and read out loud. "Riddler, Joker and Ivy, please attend the super secret meeting in my BAT-cave tonight around 9pm. Please tell NO ONE. It's top secret. Sincerely Batman... P.S I had Rob the Pizza Boy write this because my hands are tied up from the muggers who stole my pizza... I am sad. Also... there will be punch and pie." The Joker finished reading and looked around. "Where the hell is the punch and pie?"

"There is no punch and pie." said Wonder Woman.

"That was the whole reason I came here." said the Riddler leaning back in his seat and throwing his model boat on the ground.

"I wanted to see the Batcave." said Ivy.

"Me too. Punch and pie would be nice though." said the Joker.

"Blueberry!" said Ivy.

"Cherry." said the Joker.

"PUMPKIN!" said Ivy.

"Alright enough." said Superman. "Now... What are we-." He cut off and looked around. "Where's Flash?"

"Here." said the Flash appearing in his seat.

"If your not going to stay, leave." said Superman.

"Fine." snapped the Flash. "I'll go to China."

"Bring me back some rice!" said Ivy. The Flash disappeared and reappeared handing her rice and then disappeared in a flash. "GOOOOOOOOOODIE!"

"Ok let's get back to business." said Superman.

"Get your own damn rice!" spat Ivy hitting the Joker's hand with the chopsticks. "Ass."

"Ouch." said the Joker. "I like yours though."

"Pig." said Ivy.

"Oink!" said the Joker.

"PIGGY!" said the Riddler.

"Shut up!" yelled Superman. Everyone froze and looked at Superman. The Joker raised a brow and cleared his throat.

"You have a yelling problem." said the Joker.

"You have A.D.D." said Superman.

"So." said the Joker.

"Can we please, try and solve this problem." said Wonder Woman.

"AHHHHH!" Batman randomly screamed again.

"What the hell is your problem?" asked the Riddler.

"I didn't hear anything." said Batman sucking his thumb and rocking back and forth.

"Creepy." said Ivy eyeing him.

"Ok... I have an idea a plan that could-." started Superman but the Joker interrupted looking at Batman.

"Do you have turrets?" he asked.

"That would be sooo cool." said Ivy. "BITCH!"

The Joker bust out laughing as Ivy yelled cuss words at the top of her lungs. The Riddler snuck out of his chair and went up behind Wonder Woman who didn't even notice his presents. Superman looked at the two obnoxious villains in front of him and shook his head. He looked over at Batman, who was still acting like a baby.

"Why did you invite them?" he asked. Batman just shrugged. "What is wrong with you?"

"Cold?" The Riddler asked Wonder Woman eyeing her breasts over her shoulder. Wonder Woman brought her fist back and hit him in the nose. The Riddler fell backwards and onto the floor, out cold.

"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!" yelled the Joker bouncing in his seat.

"In this corner with fists of fury and boobs to match…Wonder Woman!" said Ivy loudly. "And on the floor the creepy little man he is, the Riddler!!!" She made a loud audience noise and clapped.

"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!" yelled the Joker.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Yelled Superman and the two villains stopped and fell silent. "You guys are insane."

"Big. Fat. DUH!" said Ivy.

"You catch on fast Fly Boy." said the Joker with a wink.

"Just shut up for two minutes." said Wonder Woman. "Go ahead Superman tell us your plan.

"Okay... Uh well like I said our worlds are merging... Meaning our two lives, with Batman and Gotham along with you guys, are mixing with ours. So what we need to do is-." he cut off when Batman screamed and got to his feet.

"The pressure! I can't take the pressure!" He said slamming his fists on the table.

"What Batman?" asked Superman in worry.

"Tell us!" said Wonder Woman.

"I'm in love." Batman said loud and proud. The Joker raised a brow and Ivy gave a smile.

"CUTE!" Squeaked Ivy.

"I know." Squeaked Batman in a somewhat gay tone.

"Who?" asked Ivy.

"This is crazy." said Superman throwing his papers behind him. "Do you guys not care about this?"

"So we share a world with you guys, big deal." said the Joker. "Just stay away... from the hot little Assistant DA." He pointed to Superman. "I know your type, you little meat head."

"What?" asked Superman.

"It could get dangerous if we don't solve this." said Wonder Woman getting to her feet. "We have to do something."

"It's not a puzzle sweetheart." said the Joker. "However, if you were a puzzle I'd uh... LOVE to solve you." He winked at her.

"What the fuck was that?" asked Ivy looking at the Joker.

"What?" He asked.

"That was like the worse pick up line EVER!" she smacked him on the back of the head. "Dork."

"Hmmm." The Joker thought.

"Alright, I know... I know you all are curious about who has stolen my heart." said Batman, snapping his wrists towards them. "I know I know!" He giggled like a girl.

"Batman we don't care." said Superman.

*Gasp*

"Well I don't care about you!" Batman said in tears sitting in his chair folding his arms over his chest.

"Oh you hurt his feelings." said Wonder Woman kneeling next to Batman and rubbing his shoulders.

"I don't care if I hurt his feelings! I don't care about this messed up city! I don't care about anything anymore!" said Superman slamming his fists on the table.

"Will you stop that!" snapped the Joker who was now making a card castile. "I'm on a roll here!"

"Tell us Batman." said Wonder Woman. "Who is she?" Batman shook his head in his hands. "Please. I care."

"No, you don't understand..." said Batman looking at her. "It's... a MAN!" He burst into tears.

"Whoa!" said Ivy getting interested. "This is getting good."

"Well... everyone is different." said Wonder Woman giving a nervous laugh. "Who is he?"

"Yes, who is he?" asked Ivy.

Batman sobbed in his hands and Wonder Woman tried to comfort him. Ivy leaned on her elbows across the table, in deep interest. The Joker was building a card castile that was now three feet high upon the metal table. Superman scanned the scene and rubbed his temples. "I can't believe this." said Superman sitting in his chair.

"Come on Batman, who is it?" asked Ivy. "You'll feel sooo much better if you just say."

"Is it... Superman?" asked Wonder Woman.

"Ewe." said Batman giving her a snobbish look.

"Gordon?" asked Ivy quickly.

"Too old." said Batman. "I em yoooouuuuuuuuuuung."

*Pause*

"Me too!" said Ivy giving him a high five.

"Who is it Batman?" asked Wonder Woman still rubbing his shoulder.

"He's the most amazing... funny, cutest man ever." said Batman.

"Johnny Depp?" asked Ivy.

"I'd have to say Johnny Depp." said Wonder Woman.

"Johnny Depp defiantly." said Superman with a nod.

"No not Johnny Depp... Though I'd like to blow his cannon any day." said Batman.

*pause*

"HA!" Ivy burst into laughter. "I love you!" she gave Batman a high five.

"Who?" asked Wonder Woman.

Batman got a big smile on his face, and looked up across the table. Ivy, Wonder Woman and Superman followed his gaze. It landed on the Joker who was now standing on the table adding to his card castile that was now six feet tall. He felt eyes burn into him and he slightly glanced up at them.

'Why are they looking at me?' the Joker asked himself. 'Is my fly open... nope. Superman and Wonder woman look shocked... They need to lay off the crack... Ivy how ever is giving me that evil funny look when ever something embarrassing happens to me. Like the time at China Town... stupid fat men and their wrestling. Batman is giving me that creepy seductive smile, like he's undressing me with his eyes...... no help there. No change.' The Joker cleared his throat.

"What?" he asked.

"The Joker?" asked Wonder Woman looking at Batman who nodded.

"What about me?" asked the Joker.

"PRICELESS!" said Ivy with a laugh.

"What?" asked the Joker.

"Yes it's true." said Batman with a nod at the others.

"What is true?" asked the Joker.

"I love him." said Batman.

"Oh is that all?" asked the Joker with a laugh and went back to building his card castile. He stopped suddenly and his eyes went wide. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" He looked at the group.

"Batman has a man crush on you clown boy." said Ivy with a laugh leaning back in her chair.

"Huh?" said the Joker.

"It's true, I do." said Batman with a hand on his chest and nodded.

"Whoa whoa woah! No no no no no no... this is uh... not right." said the Joker.

"Its true love." said Ivy, Batman nodded.

"No it's NOT." said the Joker.

"I think it is... I see some chemistry." said Ivy.

"I think it's a strong bond." said Batman.

"I think you're out of your fucking mind." said the Joker.

"Come on Joker, give him a hug." said Ivy.

"Shut up Ivy." he hissed down at her, making her laugh.

"You know, I want to apologize." said Batman. "For all the times I hit you... I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Yes you did." said the Joker. "I disserved it, I'm scum that needs to get curb stomped."

"I love it when he talks dirty." said Batman.

The Joker stood there with a blank expression and wide eyes. Ivy laughed to herself and everyone was at a lost for words. The Joker backed off the table and flopped down in his chair. Crossing his arms and sinking deep into the chair.

"He's pouting Batman, give him a kiss and make him feel better." said Ivy. The Joker snapped his head in her direction and glared. Batman got to his feet and slowly walked towards the Joker.

"NO NO NO NO NO!" said the Joker waving his hands up. "Get away from me." Batman got closer and held his arms out. "Get away." The Joker got out of his chair and ducked around Batman.

"It's okay honey." said Batman.

"Your crazy!" said the Joker backing away from him. "Get away from me!" Batman went to hug the Joker and he ducked around him and crawled under the table. "Crazy Bat."

"Peek-a Boo!" said Batman looking under the table with a grin. The Joker crawled out on the opposite side and hid behind Superman. "Honey."

"He's playing hard to get Batman." said Ivy watching with laugh.

"Ivy, suck it." said the Joker.

"Jerk." said Ivy. "You know, I always thought you were a bit fruity."

"I am not!" said the Joker.

Ivy laughed and started to file her nails. A figure slowly walked up behind her and spoke.

"Is this were the top secret meeting is?" asked the woman. Ivy glanced up and smiled at her friend.

"More like, secret sharing." said Ivy.

"Oooo! Can I play too?" asked Harley Quinn clapping her hands.

"It's more of a one on one game, with Batman and Joker." said Ivy with a laugh.

"Where is my puddin?" asked Harley.

"Behind the big guy in red and blue." said Ivy.

"Get away from me." said the Joker. "It's not funny."

"Sweet cheeks... come here." said Batman spreading his arms out. "Hug me baby."

The Joker glared at him, and then caught sight of red and black over his shoulder. He smiled past Batman's shoulder and saw an escape rout.

"Harley!" yelled the Joker quickly running from behind Superman and jumping over the table through his card castile and hid behind her as cards fell all around them. "He's crazy... kill him."

"Puddin, I thought you didn't want to kill Batman?" asked Harley.

"Hey woman, hands off my man!" said Batman pointing at Harley with one hand on his hip.

"Say what?" asked Harley.

"See, he's out of his mind!" said the Joker.

"Batman has a... uh man crush on your puddin." said Ivy.

"Fuck this." said Superman getting up from his seat and heading towards the exit. He grabbed Wonder Woman by the arm and dragged her along.

"Can we go to the mall?" she asked as they disappeared through the exit.

"Sorry B-Man but the Joker is my puddin!" said Harley hugging him. The Joker smiled and stuck his tongue out at Batman.

"NO! He's mine!" said Batman jumping in his spot and sitting on the ground with his hands folded. He acted like a two year old who didn't get the toy they wanted. Batman screamed and cried hitting the ground with his fists. Then he growled and started to turn green and Ivy and Harley hid behind the Joker.

"He's not one of my plants!" said Ivy.

The group backed up, Harley and Ivy's nails dug into the Joker's arms as they used him as a shield. Batman hunched over and his muscles started to grow and he roared. The Joker looked to his right and raised a brow, licking his lips he looked back to Batman. Batman stood up and grew a few feet taller. He ripped through his suet and his whole body was green. The three villains stepped back towards the exit and eyed Batman.

"Wait I've seen this somewhere." said Harley.

"Hey yeah!" said the Joker. "Batman you ass, you switched sides on us! You traitor! Marvel sucks!"

"Shhh Puddin were going to get sued." said Harley.

"Who cares!" said the Joker. Batman roared and slammed his fists on the floor. "Run." The three turned and ran as fast as they could up the stairs towards the exit. The electric door shut behind them and they could hear Batman's steps pound towards them. They ran down the hall and entered the living room of Wayne Manor. Ivy turned and spotted the fuse box and shut the power down.

"There now he's trapped down there." said Ivy. "The doors won't open."

"Mr. Joker?" asked a man in a fancy light blue suite.

"Yes." Said the Joker.

"I'm Mr. Dunkin I'm here to tell you that your being sued." He handed him a piece of paper and disappeared.

"Told you." Said Harley.

The three jumped with Alfred appeared and there was a click. A electric bracelet fell from his ankle and to the floor. He gave a sigh of relief and the three eyed him.

"Thank you... I'm free." said Alfred, he turned. "RUN!" He bolted out of the room. Then they hared a bunch of commotion around them as Italian Male Swimsuit Models ran down the stairs, out of rooms and even out from under carpets ran towards the door.

"Wow didn't see that one coming." said Ivy, as a Male Model crawled out of a vase next to her.

"It's a funny world we live in." said the Joker.

"Let's go!" said Harley grabbing his hand and pulled him towards the door.

"OUCH!" yelled Ivy as the Joker pulled her along by her hair.

The three ran out of the house and down the drive way. They stopped in their tracks as they spotted the vehicles. They smiled at each other as they eyed the expensive cars.

*back in the bat cave*

The Batman/Hulk sat on the stone floor hugging his legs. Tears rolled down his face and he rocked back and forth. He sniffed and frowned. "I just wanted some Joker lovin." He burst into tears and his cries echoed through the walls.

"What the hell happened?" asked the Riddler sitting up. He looked over and saw the big green guy. "Oh snap."

*meanwhile on the soil above*

"Faster!" screamed Harley. "WEEEEEE!"

"This isn't what I had in mind." said the Joker.

The Joker drove a pink moped and Harley rode on back hugging him tight. He rolled his eyes. Ivy rode in the little red wagon that was tied to the back. The Joker growled and hit the gas... They zoomed down the street doing a whole ten miles an hour.

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Please review and no hatein please! Let me know what you think.