It all started with Sasha and her meat. She tempted Trainee Group 104 with tales of its juicy goodness, a demonic glint in her eyes. Some, like Annie and Mikasa, had deemed themselves too good for the fleshy ambrosia. Some, like Connie and Ymir, were a bit too impulsive, and therefore judged to be hazardous to the mission. The target was located in the kitchen, a mile walk from the barracks. Two soldiers of superior intellect and judgment were needed to carry out the sinful plan.
Which is why Jean and Armin found themselves faced with the challenge of picking a lock.
"The damn thing won't open!" Jean growled as he yanked on the padlock. The chains made a loud rattling, causing Armin to look around nervously. "Ummmm…. We should probably keep it down."
"Do you have any better idea how to pick a lock?" Jean demanded. "I might." The diminutive blonde pulled a bobby pin from his pants pocket. Jean snorted. "Let's just braid each other's hair while we're at it. Where did you even get that?"
"Mikasa." Armin inserted the bobby pin in the lock and jiggled it around. Cicadas chirped as the seconds dragged on. Jean looked around cautiously to see is anyone was coming. "Hey, are you done yet? Someone might-"
"We're in," Armin said as the lock popped open. Jean raised his eyes in surprise. I really shouldn't be surprised though… Jean had always admired the blonde's resourcefulness. He himself was no idiot, but Armin's pure intellect and plan weaving were superior to just about everyone's. He would never admit this to the boy, though. Jean had some pride.
He slowly opened the door, wincing at the creak it made, and slipped inside with Armin in tow. The kitchen was a maze of counters and cooking ware. The two soldiers split up and combed the large room. Several minutes and stubbed toes later, he finally found what he was looking for: a large icebox. "Bingo," Jean whispered with a sense of achievement. He slowly opened the lid, and then slammed it shut as a loud bang sounded through the kitchen.
Jean whirled around and searched the darkness for the source of the noise. He could just make out Armin bending over on the floor. "What are you doing?" He hissed. "A pot was close to the edge and I knocked it over." More bangs came from Armin's side of the room and Jean sighed. I swear, if we get caught because of his clumsiness…
"Get over here, I've found what we're looking for," He called out to the blonde. He scurried over and Jean opened the icebox. Inside was the closest thing he had ever seen to a goddess. The pork loin was positively beautiful. Jean's mouth started to water as he imagined the possibilities. A glance at Armin confirmed the boy was thinking the same thing he was. Jean lifted the meat in the air and inspected it. It would taste good, but first they had to get it out. He shoved it at Armin. "Here, hide it under your shirt."
"Why me?" The smaller boy squeaked.
"Because you're so skinny you can hide it under your cloak and no one will notice." Armin thought about it for a second, and then nodded and grabbed the loin, tucking it safely under his cloak. Jean stood up and the two navigated their way out of the labyrinth, careful not to knock over anything else. As soon as they exited the door, he clicked the padlock shut and the two trainees stole into the night.
They ran for about a half a mile before they felt it. The forest was watching them. Every noise and every shadow was filled with malice. Jean and Armin began to fall prey to their fear. A bird suddenly taking off made Jean jump. Armin whimpered and pressed closer to Jean at a loud rustling in a nearby bush. Normally the taller boy would have pushed him away and made some comment about how clingy he was, but at the moment Jean was grateful for the human warmth Armin's body brought him.
After several minutes of this, the unnatural air seemed to intensify. The bird's noises seemed to transform into demonic cawing. The rustling started to sound like Titan footsteps, thumping slowly as the monsters made their way towards the two trainees. The air became cold and a wind started to whistle through the tall and foreboding trees, which leaned towards them as if they were trying to reach Jean and Armin with their spindly branch fingers. Armin started shivering violently and grabbed Jean's shirt front with his ice cold hands. "They broke inside the wall, didn't they?" He asked frantically. "The broke inside and now we're going to die. I don't want to die this way, Jean!"
"Shut up, we're not going to die," Jean snarled, but without any real anger. He too felt the hopelessness that Armin did. It's just a creepy forest, it's just a creepy forest…. he chanted in his head. But something told him the opposite, that they were in the maw of something ancient and malicious. He began to search the darkness around them. Suddenly they heard footsteps. "The titans are coming!" Armin practically shrieked. Jean swore that the forest was whispering, teasing and mocking them. It knew the two boys' time had come. They knew it was-
"What are you brats doing here?" Armin let out a scream and sobbed into Jean's chest. Standing behind them was Captain Levi.
XxX
Levi leaned across the desk, his facial expression deadpan. "So, do you want to tell me why you two were in the forest in the middle of the night?"
Jean and Armin sat across from the captain, a defeated look on their faces. So close… Jean lamented. Any minute Levi could decide to search them and find the pork loin concealed under Armin's cloak. Jean silently cursed Sasha and her desire for meat. It was her fault for the whole incident, being such a glutton. It looked like a month of menial tasks for Armin and Jean. Jean wasn't so sure the frail boy could handle it, but it seemed like the only eventuality. A month of privy duty for falling under the spell of gluttony. There was just something shameful about being punished like that as a full-fledged soldier. They were screwed… unless they could make up a good enough story to trick Levi, a seemingly impossible task.
Jean sighed and prepared to give it his best shot. "Um… we were, we were just-"
"Jean and I are gay lovers sir!" If Jean had been drinking something at that moment he would have spewed it all over the desk. He turned to look at the blond but couldn't read Armin's expression. Jean turned to Levi with shock, waiting for his reaction to the boy's outrageous lie. Hewanted to die from embarrassment.
The captain merely raised his eyebrow. "And?" He asked. "What does that have to do with the situation?"
"Well, Jean and I were in the woods because we were passionately making love sir." A Titan. A Titan needed to break the roof above them, grab Jean, and bite his head off. Death was preferable to this mortification. He knew Levi would see through it immediately. He wasn't the type of guy to be messing around with another male. Armin did seem like that kind of guy if you squinted right, but Jean counted himself extremely straight in appearance. He glanced over desperately at the boy, but the soldier's face was determined. Guess I better play along.
Levi stared at them for a moment. "Prove it," he simply said.
"You mean here on the desk, sir?" Armin asked nervously. It wasn't Jean who needed to be eaten by a Titan, it was Armin. A 15-meter one, Jean decided. It would bite off the boy's head and stop the outpouring of slanderous words.
"Despite how… interesting that would be, I need this desk. Prove it some other way." This was the end. Jean didn't know any way out besides actually touching Armin in a romantic manner, which was not going to happen. Armin looked at him hesitantly. Jean gave him an angry stare back. He turned to Levi to tell him that Armin had lied when his head was whipped to the side. Lips pressed roughly against his. Jean floundered, trying to figure out what was happening, before realizing that Armin was kissing him. He felt weird at first, but chalked it up to the fact that he was being kissed by a guy. He expected it to be disgusting and emasculating, but to his surprise he found it to not be completely repulsive. Well, if I'm already kissing this idiot, we'd better give the captain a show. He leaned into the kiss and felt Armin jolt in surprise. Jean wrapped his arms around Armin and slowly brushed his tongue against the blonde's lower lip. Armin gave a small moan and Jean took that opportunity to force his tongue farther into his mouth. Jean snuck a look at Levi to gauge his reaction, but the captain still maintained his neutral expression. After what seemed like forever, the two broke apart. Levi watched them for a moment, then stood up. "I see. You two will be on dish duty tomorrow as punishment. Don't let me catch you again. With that, the two soldiers took their leave.
As soon as they were outside, Jean turned on Armin. "Gay lovers? GAY LOVERS?! Couldn't you think of something a bit less, I don't know, homosexual?"
"I panicked and couldn't think of anything else!"
"But still, why did you think of that?" Armin blushed. "I…. don't know"
"You might be that kind of guy, but I'm not." Jean waited for Armin to protest, but was surprised when the boy did not. Was that a confession or was he too shy to say anything. Jean turned away from him. "Well, it's not my business. And this gets mentioned to no one, understand?" Armin nodded.
XxX
As soon as the two trainees entered the barracks, Sasha was upon them. "Did you get it? Did you get it?" She asked frantically.
"Yeah we got it. And dish duty tomorrow," Jean said bitterly. Armin reached under his cloak and pulled out the meat, which Sasha grabbed. Connie walked up to them. "Why did you get dish duty? Did you get caught or something?" The boy asked curiously. Jean glanced at Armin. Stick to the story.
"We got caught, but Captain Levi let us off easy." Armin said quietly. Connie whistled. "Captain Levi caught you? Man, you guys got lucky. I thought he would have punished you more. What did you tell him?"
"That we had gone for a midnight stroll," Jean broke in before Armin could answer. They must not find out. Jean could imagine their taunts, that HE had kissed another male. His reputation would be shot with his comrades.
"You guys got off easy," Eren said from one of the nearby tables. "Good job Armin." Jean bristled at his praise of the blond. "And what am I, chopped liver?"
"Armin was the one who obviously came up with the story and convinced the Captain. You would have just botched it up." Jean and Eren bickered for a bit before Mikasa walked into the common area. "You all should go to sleep. It's not a good idea to stay up late before a big mission." The soldiers saw the wisdom in her words and started towards the door. Jean waited until everyone had left and was about to leave the common area when Armin's voice stopped him. "Jean?" He turned around to look at the blond. "Yeah?" He asked cautiously. "Was I… was I a bad kisser?"
XxX
As Jean lay in bed trying to fall asleep, he replayed their conversation in his head. Amidst all the lies that night, he had told the boy the one word of truth.
No.