Odd Situations
By: Shozetsku
Disclaimer/Warnings/Authoress Notes:

I do not own Naruto, I own my ideas and my made up names. Please don't sue me I am a penniless fanfiction writer and you won't get anything anyways.

Shonen ai, SasuNaru, NaruSasu, cursing, some (actually very little) angst, violence, slight AU, and definite OOC-ness.

I want it clear, this is a YAOI fic! Don't you dare read this and call me sick because it's your option to hit that convenient 'back' button. If you have a problem with that I implore you NOT to read this. To all of you who don't give a damn, sorry about the delay, on with the ficcie!

Chapter One: Twenty Questions, and Surprising News

"Kakashi-sensei?" Kakashi jumped. It was early morning, and he was in front of the memorial that bore the names of his fallen comrades. Somehow, in his reverie, Sasuke had walked within five feet of him without his noticing.

"You have a question Sasuke?" he asked, though this was fairly obvious. They had no training or missions till Sakura's stiffness from her shoulder wound healed up completely, which meant that they had the day off.

"Yes." Sasuke replied hesitantly, the boy seemed awkward; Sasuke Uchiha was never awkward.

"Let's get some breakfast." Kakashi said hoping to ease the discomfited atmosphere. Sasuke shook his head quickly, he hated his cheeks for growing warm with the blush that he knew was creeping there. He hated his throat for constricting his voice and making him sound weird. He hated his hands for shaking at his sides, and he hated the uncomfortable twist in his stomach.

"I'd rather no one were around." He managed to say, hating his weak and crackling voice. Kakashi's visible eyebrow rose to become hidden in his silver tresses.

"Do you want to sit down?" Sasuke then hated his knees for betraying him to his hands, for they too were shaking now. However he nodded, and they sat down on a recently fallen tree trunk that was nearby.

"Sensei." Sasuke broke off. He cleared his throat in hopes his voice would stop cracking. "Sensei, do you like anyone?"

Kakashi had somewhat expected this but it did not prepare him for it. He wanted to know what the boy was thinking, so he decided to beat around the bush a bit.

"Well, when I first met you three I didn't like you and now I do."

"No. Not like as in affection, like as in passion." Sasuke said stressing the words to accentuate the difference. The way Sasuke said the word passion put a slight warmth to Kakashi's hidden cheeks.

"Who is it?" Kakashi asked, deliberately not answering.

"Answer my question and I'll answer yours." Sasuke said not missing a beat. Kakashi sighed and looked at the memorial.

"I did once."

Sasuke looked at the stone inscribed with the names of all the fallen warriors of Konoha.

"Oh." He said after an uncomfortable silence, and then added. "I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"What for? You couldn't have known." Kakashi said waving his apology away. "Now, who's the lucky girl?"

"It's not." From the rushed way that Sasuke says this and the bristling off the boy he could tell he had said this before he could stop himself.

"Not a girl?"

Sasuke hesitated, feeling awkward about the whole conversation. "No."

"Well, that's not unusual." Kakashi inwardly gave a sigh of relief. He had been worried that the issue was something serious.

"It isn't?" Sasuke said blatantly showing his astonishment.

"No way! There aren't many girl ninja, and we tend to go for someone who is our equal or better. Someone who can understand the things we see and the things we do. Some grow up seeing women as either too weak or too risky."

"Risky? What's so risky about a girl?"

"For one thing you can knock her up. For another have you ever seen a girl mad as hell? They don't say 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' for nothing."

"Knock her up?" Sasuke queried, not understanding the term.

"It means get her pregnant." Kakashi said of handedly. Sasuke reddened.

"Oh."

There was a moments awkward silence that only Sasuke seemed to be aware of. Kakashi however was relatively enjoying himself. "So, who's the lucky boy?"

"SENSEI!" Sasuke half-screeched, so startled at his teacher's lack of finesse and subtlety in this matter. Kakashi just laughed, the whole thing was funny, Sasuke had a crush on a boy, and he was acting like a love struck girl about it. It was so hard to think of this boy as an avenger for anything at the moment.

"Do you not want to tell me?" Kakashi asked. Sasuke merely stared at his white shorts, seemingly fascinated with the stitching, desperately trying to suppress the blush in his cheeks by sheer will power. And failing but still turning in a serious effort. Sasuke no longer trusted his voice anymore; he had never made that screeching noise before in his life and never wanted to hear it from his mouth again.

"Should I just name every male we've ever met or what?" Kakashi asked, he was trying to take this seriously really he was but he couldn't help poking fun at the boy a bit. To this statement he received the Uchiha glare of painful slow death. He could practically hear Sasuke scream at him, 'Go fuck yourself you insensitive prick!' just by looking at his face.

"Ok, ok, I'll get serious about this. Ok… for starters, are they in another village?" Sasuke turned away from the jounin and shook his head.

"Are they very much older or younger then you?" again, Sasuke shook his head still looking out at the clearing in front of him.

"Well, that narrows things down a bit, they are a ninja right?" Sasuke nodded with a sigh that said 'Duh, that's a given!'

"Neji from Gai's team?" Sasuke's head whipped around with a look of utter incredulity plastered on it.

"Hey, don't look at me like that! Lee's impossible 'cause he's dead set on Sakura. And that Neji kid is pretty awesome and quite a catch if you're into that."

"Into what?" Sasuke asked his curiosity overcoming his pride.

"Into feminine appearance."

Sasuke said nothing and let Kakashi continue his little game of either 'yes and no' or 'twenty questions', Sasuke wasn't quite sure which it was yet.

"So, they're definitely in the rookie nine." Sasuke hesitated but nodded, they were getting so close to the name. And even if Sasuke didn't want to let the older man know who it was he knew he would give off huge silent tells anyways.

"If it's Choji I'm sending you to the psychiatric ward. No offence to Choji, but that is just not right." Sasuke punched his teacher on the arm half heartedly. "Of course not."

"Then I go back to naming names." Kakashi sighed, "Ok, let's just be thorough. Shikamaru?"

"Are you looking to die in your sleep?" Sasuke asked, his old 'no sense of humor' self coming back.

"I'm just being thorough! And you came to me for help so why don't you cut it out with the hostility?" Kakashi said still laughing at the boy's reactions.

"You don't like Shino do you?" Kakashi said dreading the answer.

"Bug boy? You've flipped your lid sensei." Sasuke said trying to hide his nerves. They were so close. He was going to say the name and Sasuke would never be able to believably deny it.

"Kiba?" Kakashi was running out of names. It wasn't a girl, it was in the rookie nine and they defiantly weren't in Azuma's team.

"I definitely do not like Kiba." Sasuke said with a touch of resignation in his voice. Kakashi stood up.

"Then who the hell is it? There are no other boys in the rookie nine! I've named every single one and you've denied them all, you... have to like... one of them... Sasuke..." Kakashi trailed off. Sasuke braced himself, the name was coming, it was about to be said, all of a sudden Sasuke wanted to take it all back. He didn't want to admit this yet.

Kakashi started up again, "Sasuke, do you... like Naruto?"

Sasuke did something at that moment he will never ever admit to. Kakashi couldn't believe his own eyes at first. Sasuke started to cry.

"YES! I don't understand it! Why Naruto! I used to hate him!" Sasuke hunched over his knees and started to futilely wipe at his tears with his hands. He couldn't remember the last time he cried, it felt draining and wonderful to just let his emotions out at once without abandon. "I don't know when it happened. But I think it started when every now and then I would notice that Naruto would do something really cool. And just for that moment I would admire him. Then later when he would get hung up on Sakura it would annoy me. At first I just brushed it off as he was annoying me, then I realized that what he was saying to her annoyed me. Then I realized it was the fact that he was saying it to her that annoyed me! Then I realized that the reason why I hate it when Naruto does something stupid and puts himself in danger is because of the fact that he'll get hurt! And it still makes no sense to me Kakashi sensei, why do I like him? Why him? What the hell is wrong with me?"

Kakashi stared. He stared at Sasuke as he cried and continued to ramble on, progressively becoming more and more incoherent and finally settling into pathetic sounding sobs. As Sasuke began to calm down Kakashi ruffled his hair.

"A simple yes or no would have sufficed you know." He said with a smile. Sasuke looked up with red eyes. He scowled and swatted away the hand on his head.

"Breathe a word to a living or dead soul before I'm ready to say it to him and I'll gouge out both of your eyes so you'll never read your hentai books ever again. And just for good measure I'll rip out your eardrums so no one will be able to read them to you either."

Kakashi blanched. Then he swore on his Icha-Icha books that the secret would never leave his personal knowledge until Sasuke was ready to tell people himself. He did not doubt that Sasuke would rip out his eyes and ears; if the boy could cry like that he was emotionally unstable enough to do just about anything.

But then, Kakashi thought to himself, aren't we all emotionally unstable, at least a little bit? But really Kakashi wasn't one to blab about such things to people. Then again, he did have reports he had to make out.

"Even the hokage?"

"Especially the Hokage! She talks to that dirty old man who writes those damn books! I do not need my relationship problems in print, circulating Konohagakure! Baka-sensei!" Sasuke said, though the glare was giving the older man was somewhat lost, Sasuke's appearance was of one who has had a good cry and was very vulnerable. His arm sleeves and shorts were wet from his tears, his eyes were red and puffy, and his voice was hoarse from sobbing and screaming for so long. His cheeks were wet and smudged and he periodically sniffed involuntarily. All in all it was more of a pout then a glare.

"Are you ever going to tell him?"

"Why would he need to know?"

"Well, this obviously didn't just suddenly occur over night. And you never know when he might get stolen away form you."

"Who would dare steal Naruto away from me?" Sasuke said in a scary voice.

"W-well." Kakashi stuttered, Sasuke's mood swings being unnerving, he inhaled deeply and began to tick off the names on his fingers. "Hinata-chan always stutters more when Naruto is around. And who knows? Maybe one day Sakura will humor Naruto for a day and find out what an awesome guy he is and you'll never even get the chance and you and Lee can spend loads of Friday nights together in loneliness. And going back to Neji, I'm not entirely sure he's straight as a board if you now what I mean. And Naruto is the only one that Gaara seems to like at all and--"

"OK! Shut up! I get your point." Sasuke sighed in defeat. "Naruto is a lot more popular then he seems. But really, what are the odds he's gay?"

"What about bi?" Kakashi suggested.

"Buy?" Sasuke asked confused.

"Bisexual. He could go for anyone who'll have him." He explained.

"Then my competition just got doubled." Sasuke replied determinedly.

"So you will pursue him?" The jounin asked, vaguely interested.

"Uchiha's don't give up. Especially without a fight." Sasuke said with his old smirk back on his face, though he still looked like he had been crying.

"That's the Sasuke I know." Kakashi sensei said smiling.

"Sensei?" Sasuke asked, Kakashi turned, it seemed that Sasuke had one last question. "Will you help me get Naruto?"

Kakashi didn't answer right away.

"You've never tried to woo anyone before and you don't know what to do, so you're trying to get someone older then you to help you. It doesn't work like that all the time, and Naruto isn't the type of person to ever approach like you would anyone else. But if you want some advice then I'd say become friends with the boy, real friends. Heaven, hell, and earth knows that kid can use as many people to care for him as possible."

The jounin left his student to ponder this; he needed a drink, too much strange stuff was happening for none of the bars to be open yet. He sighed; it looked like he'd have to get his liquor from his own stash. He sighed again and shook his head; it was way too early for this.

End Chapter 1

This just randomly strolled into my head and I thought to myself, I'm going to burn like a medieval witch if I write Sasuke crying. -le sigh- Don't utterly kill me please. All flames will be scoffed at and used for the ritualistic burning of school textbooks.

If there are any other pairings that you would like I will try to incorporate them all, unless I just don't like the pairing then you're just out of luck.

Ja! Look at my other work and review that to please.