...I have nothing to say about this...
Rick traced patterns on Kate's toned stomach lightly with his finger.
"Can I ask you something?" He asked quietly, looking up at her face.
"Mmhmmm…" She agreed, half asleep. She opened her eyes and looked down at his finger on her stomach.
"I know how you got this scar…" He put his finger where the bullet had pierced her skin two years ago, "But how did you get these?" He traced three scars, almost identical in size, which ran from her belly button to her hip. Her face darkened as she quickly rolled over, blocking the scars from his view.
"No." She said sternly, taking him by surprise.
"No? No, what?"
"You can't ask that."
He shifted so he could see her face better. "Why not?" he asked
"Because I don't talk about it" She got out of the bed, quickly put her clothes on, and walked out into the kitchen. Rick was close behind her.
"Please?" He begged, sitting down on one of the barstools and watching her make coffee.
"It's nothing, Rick. Just drop it." She looked at him, and then sighed, "You're not going to give up on this, are you?" He shook his head as he took the coffee cup she handed him. She sighed again, and sat on the barstool next to him.
"Fine…" She looked down at the cup in her hands, not meeting his eyes. This surprised him. He rarely saw her looking so unBeckett-like.
"It was after my mom died… and my dad had started drinking… that was how he coped with losing her, and I coped with all of it by… er… by cutting myself." By the end of the sentence she was whispering so quietly, he could barely hear her. She glanced up to see his reaction, and then looked at her coffee again. He took the mug from her and quickly pulled her into a tight hug.
"Thank you." He whispered, startling her
"What? Why would you thank me for that?" She was bewildered. He released her from the hug and took her hands instead.
"No, not for doing that to yourself. Thank you for telling me."
"Oh…" She looked down at their hands.
"What is it?" He lifted her chin with his finger so he could see her face better.
"One night when I was missing my mom more than usual, and my dad was only making the pain worse by being most of the way to passed out drunk, I cut myself deeper than usual. I lost so much blood, and I realized that night, when I thought I was going to die from the loss of blood, that I didn't want to die. I called 911, because by that time my dad was snoring on the couch, and an ambulance took me to the hospital. That's what I have these scars from," She traced over her shirt where the scars were, "and that was the last time I cut myself. I found better ways to deal with the pain. That was also part of the reason that my dad quit drinking. He hadn't really realized until then how much it had hurt me."
Rick was speechless. "You… you tried to kill yourself?" He finally stammered. Kate nodded. "Well… I'm glad you didn't" He told her. Kate let out a sad laugh.
"Me too," she said "I would've missed meeting the love of my life. And I wouldn't trade you for the world."