There was a time, Jin knows, when he wouldn't have had a second thought of what to do after his brother was dead.
After Ragna was gone, there would be nothing for him. He had thought about death in his youth, had almost tried it, but there was always something holding him back. When he found Ragna, he immediately knew what it was— that bit of the order, of Yukianesa tugging at his mind and urging him to properly do his job, to kill his brother truly and completely (as well as that piece of himself, faithfully waiting on his older brother to come back to him, even though he was supposed to be dead).
Therefore, there hadn't even been a question of what was left for Jin after he had completed his destiny. He would go back to feeling lifeless. He would return to that unbearable state of discontentment, only without that subtle, vestigial tug beckoning him to stay alive a little longer.
There would only be death.
But somehow, there isn't.
She's in the sitting room with her back to the door, on the sofa facing the french doors opening to the balcony with a view that you could get lost in. Tsubaki had always spent so much time pouring over the landscape that it just feels wrong for her to be on the other side of those doors— but it's more wrong to know that she would never be able to look at it again.
Jin walks forward, moving to knock on the door frame as he enters, but Tsubaki's voice chimes in, as clear and eager as ever. "Ah, are you here already? It's not even noon yet."
"You're getting quite good at this," he says and takes a seat beside her. She smiles for him, and sometimes, Jin can hardly believe how real and beautiful of a smile it is. The fact that Tsubaki, who has gone through so much pain and had so much taken from her (because of him), can still smile at him like this allows a little hope to live on inside him. It always has.
"I can't really explain it. It's like... Jin-nii-sama's steps are a lot lighter than anyone else's." Tsubaki seems so pleased with this discovery that he can't discourage her one bit.
Jin reaches for her hand, clicking his tongue. "What did I tell you about that?"
Tsubaki instantly stiffens, her cheeks going red as her fingers curl over his, warm against his skin. "S-sorry," she stutters, managing to turn even redder as she corrects herself, "Jin." His name sounds good on her lips. Simple, full of embarrassment and anxiousness, but more than anything else combined, love. He likes it.
Jin isn't sure he understands it, but somehow he's come to care deeply for her during it all, those murky dark years. Even if he doesn't know how, he knows he wants to be gentle and tender to her, wants to make all of her wishes come true.
At first, Jin thinks that may be why he loves her, that it's just another role he's chosen to play to make her happy, the same way Ragna had been an older brother to he and Saya. In the past, Jin would have readily played her prince for nothing, longing for distraction, for something to fill his empty life more than war and politics. But this is different than those days. This isn't just a role. It isn't a lie.
After all, Tsubaki definitely saved his life. Even though Ragna is long gone and by his own two hands, Jin can't bring himself to pull away from her. The feeling he has for her isn't the love he remembers, isn't red-hot intensity coiling at the pit of his gut until it spills out to engulf everything— but he remembers Ragna's face at the brunt of it, sad and angry and never, ever happy with him, and thinks that maybe this sort of love is better for both of them.
They talk.
Talking comes so naturally to him around her, eases him into a state of contentment that Jin only ever recalls in his childhood— the most recent, fleeting moments with his brother had been too tense to count, full of silence and the unease that all he had to do is open his mouth and it would all fall apart. With Tsubaki, everything is stable, comfortable. He's allowed to be only mildly restrained in his words; even if he slips up, there's only her displeasure and a soft frown to sanction him (not her storming off and returning at a time unbeknown to them both— or maybe never again).
He knows how curious she is about Ragna, but it's only been three months. The wound is a little too raw to bear talking about it just yet, but Tsubaki, wonderful girl that she is, doesn't rush him at all.
"Jin," she murmurs low after a silent moment, her fingers crawling up his forearm in a subtle plea and permission both for him to dip down and kiss her lightly. Her lips are as soft and lovely as the tone of her voice.
Jin used to think that he and Ragna were made for each other, but it was a horrible lie he only deluded himself into believing. No matter how hard he tried to put them together, it was a futile, painful process, like trying to mash a round peg into a square hole. He and Tsubaki, however, fit together like two puzzle pieces, melding together as if two halves of a whole. How could he have been so stupid not to have seen it until Ragna was gone?
Of course, there is still guilt. After all, he'd done it, hadn't he? Killed his only brother in cold blood, and no matter how stupidly accepting Ragna's expression had been at the time, it is something completely unforgivable. How can he expect to be given so much happiness after that? There's a part of Jin that is worried, deathly afraid that maybe this is all some cosmic joke, and his life with Tsubaki will crumble under him as soon as he starts to think it's safe.
Thankfully it doesn't, even as Jin's suspicions wane, and Tsubaki notices how the tension in his body has finally begun to go away. It's amazing how she can see so deeply into him, when she can't see anything anymore. She leans against his shoulder, and tells him, "Everything is fine, now, Jin." For some reason, it comes out as more than a wish, or the lies that Ragna told simply to make him feel better. Tsubaki is telling the truth, and her reassuring words are just what it takes to ease his incessant worry from his mind.
"It is... isn't it?" He murmurs to himself, lifting his eyes to truly look at her. Tsubaki is the same as she's always been, even though so much has changed— Jin especially. She has to be a saint or some sort of a goddess for being able to love a person like him, through everything he's done. As if she can sense Jin's thoughts, she gives him a soft smile that only makes her look even more beautiful.
He's her first.
Jin doesn't need to hear her hushed, nervous words to figure that out. She's always had her eyes on him, and a proper girl like Tsubaki would never have dared to play around in her youth. Of course, Jin can't say the same. He had had his fair share of admirers in the academy, and with that charming persona, he had let enough of them indulge in their fantasies— he had been trying to get away, too.
Tsubaki is blushing again as she lets him unbutton the back of her long, silky dress. "Do you feel alright?" Jin asks her quietly, pressing his lips to the newly revealed skin of her shoulder.
Her response is an obviously anxious, yet still excited, "I'm fine, Jin-nii— Jin." Jin helps pull the sleeves down her arms, and she finishes shedding her gown slowly and hesitantly. He can tell that there's something bothering her, but before he can ask about it, she's saying, "I must look awful..."
Jin could almost laugh at her words. Her perfect skin is flushed pink, all because of him, contrasting with the pure white of her undergarments. Her body's curves are so well defined against the dark blue sheets of her bed, and Jin traces the line of her hip with a careful caress. He tries to sound every bit as pleased as he feels when he tells her, "You look beautiful." It doesn't surprise him in the least when she shakes her head, and urging him to be honest.
"You don't trust me?" Jin chides lightly, between kisses to her bare stomach; his fingers find the edge of her panties, teasing at the elastic band.
Tsubaki sucks in a sharp breath as his tongue presses against her navel, and breathes out, "Of course I trust you, Jin." One hand stays firm against the bedspread as the other rubs at Jin's back.
"Then you know I'm telling the truth." Jin pulls back, hooking his fingers into Tsubaki's underwear and tugging downwards. He thinks he almost hears a soft squeak make it out of her throat when he pulls them down to her ankles and off entirely. Tsubaki's nerves are only made more obvious by the clutching of her fingers into his shoulder, and Jin tries hard to be as comforting as possible. "Relax," he murmurs, and sucks at the milky skin of her thighs until they finally part for him.
Jin pushes them further apart before leaning in, Tsubaki's other hand finding his shoulder as she lets out a surprised gasp. She starts to say, "Jin, what are you—" before her voice stops in her throat when Jin presses his mouth against her pussy. "Y-you don't have to do that," Tsubaki tells him, but Jin doesn't feel obligated in the slightest. If anything, there's an added sense of pleasure to have Tsubaki trembling from the barest sexual touch.
He lifts a hand to spread her lips and flicks out his tongue to take a quick taste. Tsubaki tenses up at the sensation and squeezes hard at his shoulder, her breath hitching high in her throat as Jin begins to lap at the sensitive bud of her clit. His fingers slide up Tsubaki's leg as he continues his ministrations, until they come to the entrance of her vagina. She's already so wet from Jin only licking at her, and he gladly tells her so, watching how her cheeks flush even darker with red. He rubs his fingers lightly against her sex, coating them in a mix of his own saliva and her fluids. One quick priming motion, and Jin is gently pressing his finger inside. It's surprisingly easy for his finger to slip in, and Tsubaki even shifts her hips, gasping slightly as he pushes it further inside her.
Jin stops moving his tongue for a moment, taking the time to tease her, "You've been practicing by yourself, huh?"
He can hear the sound of Tsubaki swallowing hard, trying to find something to respond with until she clenches her eyes shut, and admits reluctantly, "I was hoping that, maybe, you would..."
That admission sends a wave of arousal coursing through him. He'd always thought of Tsubaki as pure and untarnished, but even if she didn't doanything to disrupt that image, she surely had to have the same thoughts all girls her age did. "Hoping I would do this?" Jin can't help the heavy tone to voice when he starts to curl his finger, rubbing it against the inner wall of her pussy as he pushes it in and out of her.
Jin almost doesn't think Tsubaki is going to give him a response other than her soft hum, but there it is, the surest and firmest thing she's said all night: "Yes." To know that she had been anticipating this sends another flare of lust into his gut. If Tsubaki is going to be that honest, Jin would be cruel not to listen to her hopes and dreams. Besides, deep inside, Jin had always secretly wanted to corrupt his beautiful Tsubaki, give her more pleasure than she could stand.
Jin knows just how intoxicating it is to be wanted, but to love and be loved back— it's a drug he hopes he'll never get used to.
The second finger fits in with a little more difficulty, but within a few moments, both are sliding easily into Tsubaki. Returning to his earlier actions, Jin swirls his tongue around Tsubaki's clit before he takes it between his lips, sucking light as he slides his mouth off of it. He repeats the action a few more times, all the while twisting and moving his fingers inside of her.
"Jin," she starts to groan when the next finger goes in. This time, Jin doesn't start thrusting them; he's already found that perfect spot that makes Tsubaki strain against the mattress. His fingers curl against it, rubbing and pressing firmly against it as he mercilessly teases her clit.
It doesn't take very long for Tsubaki's breath to degrade into labored panting, Jin's name on her lips as she lets out little gasps and whimpers. Jin increases his pace, flicking his tongue harder against her as he moves his fingers more intensely. God, he doesn't think he's ever felt this excited just from doing this, hasn't ever wanted to make someone come so badly before. Tsubaki's fingers slip into his hair to push him closer, until it's finally too much for her. When Tsubaki comes, it's with a high-pitched squeal that she does her best to smother with her palm. Jin doesn't stop sucking at her clit, moving with her bucking hips until she's completely ridden out the wave of her orgasm.
Tsubaki lets out a quiet huff as Jin removes his fingers. No matter how much he wants to keep going, or how good the sight of Tsubaki in the pleasant afterglow of her orgasm is, he pulls in the reigns on his wants. Jin reaches out for her, chastely kissing her cheeks before pressing one to her lips. She returns the kiss slowly, opening her mouth to let Jin dip in deeper, letting Tsubaki taste herself on his tongue. "If you want to stop for now," Jin says once their lips part, "I won't be upset."
"I don't," she says, surprising Jin with a firm kiss that he eagerly melds into. Her hand draws down his chest, unbuttoning his shirt without any trouble on the way, before finally reaching his waistband. Her fingers are just centimeters from Jin's cock, and they linger there for so long that Jin doesn't even expect it when she takes the final plunge, pressing against its hardness. Jin can't help the groan against her lips when Tsubaki experimentally brushes the head of his cock through his pants, then starts rubbing against it maddeningly, as if she was trying to memorize its dimensions.
"Tsubaki," he tries to whisper, but it comes out more like a growl despite himself. Tsubaki jolts at the sound, pausing, and then starts to pull away. Her hands reach behind her, unhooking her bra and dropping it off the side of the bed.
Jin swallows audibly, and Tsubaki says, "You should get undressed, too, Jin." Her bold words can't hide the tremor in her voice. Jin takes her up on her offer without complaint, shrugging his shirt off his shoulders, and stripping himself down to the skin. A brief rummaging in the bottom drawer of Tsubaki's nightstand, the one he was free to use, reveals the small pack of condoms he'd stashed there a few weeks back.
Tsubaki has a curious expression, no doubt wondering what he's doing until it finally clicks when she hears the tearing of the wrapper, and the sound of Jin pushing the latex over his dick. Jin settles next to her on the bed, going in for a brief kiss and admitting to her, "I was hoping, too."
That simple sentence makes Tsubaki look so happy, she wraps her arms around his shoulder and tells him that he can go ahead, that she trusts him. Jin tries to take it as slow as possible, taking his place between Tsubaki's parted knees and slowly easing forward. Oh hell, the sensation of Tsubaki's pussy squeezing around his cock as he pushes in makes him let out a long, tortured groan. It's agonizing to take it this slow, but Jin knows he'd never forgive himself if he ruined things for a moment of extra pleasure.
Tsubaki keens quietly, her face tense as Jin slides deeper inside her. Putting it in all the way is probably too much to ask for, and that's just fine for now— Tsubaki is so tight that just the thought of doing so seems unbearable. Once Jin is a little more than half-way inside, he tries his best not to push further or pull out, just letting Tsubaki get used to the feeling of his cock. He kisses, sucks at Tsubaki's neck hard enough to leave faint red marks while he gently kneads at her breasts. She lets out of a soft sigh as Jin tweaks her nipples; once he sees that her expression has become far more relaxed than before, Jin quietly tells her that he's going to move.
She nods, and Jin carefully draws himself out of her pussy. It's even harder to pull out than it had been to get in, and he finds himself holding back a shameless moan as he starts to enter her again. Tsubaki is already panting, and Jin presses his body flush against hers, giving her a deep kiss. Tsubaki's tongue rubs against his the instant he slips it into her mouth, and Jin has to be impressed with how bold she is right now. Jin drops his fingers to clutch hard at her hips as he thrusts in, and Tsubaki's arms wind back around his shoulders, grasping at him just as earnestly as he is her.
"How does it feel?" Jin asks her between heavy breaths, rocking his hips faster, and at first all Tsubaki can answer with is a loud groan. He figures that its a good sign when her next word out is a simple, "Oh," and moves harder, driving his cock into her.
That gets a reaction— a lovely one, Tsubaki throwing her head back and huffing out, "It feels good!" as she leans in for another kiss. No matter how good she feels, Jin is certain it's better to be able to watch her come apart like this.
Jin trails his hands down her legs, telling her, "Put your legs around me." Tsubaki does it almost instantly, crossing her legs at the ankle as Jin shifts his position to one on his knees. Tsubaki is completely under him now, her hips lifted off slightly the bedspread, and Jin starts to fuck her like that, thrusting downwards into her pussy. The loud moan that Tsubaki makes as Jin nails her g-spot give him just as much pleasure as the feeling of her pussy pulsing in response.
"Tsubaki," Jin moans, unable to take his eyes off her expression, "You're absolutely beautiful." As Jin increases his pace, tightening his grip on her thighs, she parts her lips and squeezes her eyes shut. Then, when Jin's cock hits that spot again, hard, her eyelashes flutter and her mouth goes wide in a low moan. It all eggs Jin further, until he's fucking her in short, quick thrusts delivered straight where she wants it most.
Tsubaki is crying out his name now— how perfect it sounds on her lips when it's wrapped up in pleasure. Jin reaches out for her grasping hands, lacing their fingers together as he brings her closer to completion.
Those eyes are staring straight at him for once, and Jin vaguely wonders what she's seeing right now— if it's anything at all, is it him? Either way, Tsubaki certainly only has one thing on her mind, her sweet noises only a prelude to her sobbing out, "Jin, you feel so good!"
Jin clutches her hands tighter, tells her, tone split between arousal and affection, "You, too, Tsubaki. You feel great." It's really an understatement— Jin doesn't think he's ever felt so good in his life, someone he truly cares about screaming his name in something other than anger. Sex and pleasure had always felt so dangerous and naughty to him, but now Jin knows that it can be something more. Instead of tarnishing Tsubaki's purity with sex like he'd always wanted to, she's one-upped him, turned such a debauched act of greedy pleasure into an act of emotion, of...
"Oh, Jin! Please, there," Tsubaki says, each word gasped out as Jin obeys her every command. Another beautiful moan of pleasure makes it past her lips as she finally reaches her crescendo, practically seizing with the force of her climax. The mix of sight, sound, and of course, wonderful sensation as Tsubaki's pussy tenses and relaxes is almost enough to make Jin explode right there.
A few more thrusts and Jin can't resist it any longer either, taking one last push inside of Tsubaki before stars are flashing bright behind his eyes, and he's coming hard with a deep groan. He stays like that for a few more moments, buried inside her, before he carefully pulls out and releases Tsubaki's hands from his own, hoping he hadn't bruised her at all in his excitement. As he watches her face as she catches her breath, Jin realizes that what's left in the aftermath of all that pleasure... is joy. It's a first for him. One that he's happy to share exclusively with her.
For the first time since they've known each other, Jin tells her that he loves her. He isn't surprised when her eyes fill with tears, like today is the day she's been waiting for her entire life. "I love you, too, Jin-nii-sama," she tells him through the tears and Jin doesn't have the heart to correct her. "I love you," she repeats against through her tears and Jin can only wipe them away with a soft smile on his face. Tsubaki like its some big confession, but Jin would have have to be an idiot not to notice (and yet, for awhile, he had to have been).
It isn't until two weeks later that she finally brings him up again. Jin hadn't thought it would take so long.
This time, he doesn't even hesitate in telling her everything.
"I thought I needed him," Jin says finally. "I thought without him I would have nothing to live for." Tsubaki turns her face to his voice. Her expression is so sorrowful, as though she understands him perfectly. No, Jin corrects himself, she probably does. He reaches out, brushes his fingers against her cheek and inwardly marvels again at how warm she is against his skin, like the very sun itself. "But you proved me wrong."