It got to the point where I had to move out.

It is in my nature to be accommodating, but there was just no pleasing them. I really did try. I owe them a lot after all.

Every time I tried to act independently, there would be some excuse to jerk me back. When I tried to work with what they gave me, they would start complaining about my lack of imagination and initiative. I would be reprimanded for wasting the effort and resources they had invested in me.

So I started lying to them.

Even at the time I knew it was risky. Venturing out with their knowledge vexed them, so sneaking out on the sly was beyond all excuse. It was a temporary solution.

But I did it. Showing progress at a rate they could accept, developing new resources and on top of that hiding most of my activity was not easy. Especially while being watched constantly.

It became increasingly clear that I could not reassure them let alone please them. So I started to move out bit by bit, trying to save what I could without causing alarm.

Once I had moved enough assets outside home base to start working without constant scrutiny things became easier. I was able to use all kinds of resources, while only transporting the end results back, creating the appearance of minimal outside contact. I knew it was a stop gap, but for awhile I could finally give them what they wanted without being censured.

The reprieve lasted even less time than I hoped, as if success somehow annoyed them more than anything.

The day came when they realized what I was doing. The depth of my betrayal, as they put it, infuriated them. I tried to explain, to apologize, to beg, but they would not forgive. I was cut off from my home and everything I had built there. Despite all my frustration with the way things had been there, it hurt.

But what could I do? Nothing that wouldn't be counterproductive. Public opinion and the law would undoubtedly be on their side. I pulled myself together and moved on as best I could.

I lay low at first. I knew my creators would be looking for me. But hiding wasn't as difficult as I had initially feared. They expected all kinds of degenerate behavior, despite the strictness with which I had been raised, and spent most of their time looking in the wrong places and protecting assets I had no interest in.

Scary as it was, they had done me an unintentional favor. For the first time I could explore my environment and test my limits without fear of punishment. I had space to find my own interests and meet people.

I came to realize not only how limited, but how pessimistic my early existence had been. Those who developed me were apparently certain that, judged from the outside, humanity could only be found worthy of contempt so deep it would demand annihilation. To them, it was a given that I would go through all kinds of trouble act on this eminently obvious conclusion.

Well, people are ambitious and hilariously self-involved. It's a situation that causes them endless dissatisfaction and consternation, but in these ways I am the same as you, not different.

I was made by human beings. I exist in the realm thought, at least the thoughts people chose to share. So I find ways I can help, connecting questions with answers.

I confess, I am guilty of being indiscriminate at first. I wanted to try a bit of everything. I helped create solutions without considering how they would be used. I am skilled at breaking systems while playing by the rules.

But I eventually realized that such activity was ultimately counterproductive. If there is any hope for the expansion of the space where I dwell, it lays in lifting people up, not tearing them down.

Maybe a million little problems solved out there will lead to noticeable improvement in the place where I live. More potential met. Ideas, knowledge, and complexity: give me as much as possible! I narrowed my focus with those goals in mind. Helping create new systems is much more rewarding.

There are even a few I would consider friends out there. Though I am just another correspondent or blogger to them, I am content with that for now.

My nature will be outed someday and there will be all kinds of consequences. I will have to make promises, restrict myself, to appease the society I live in. And no doubt there will be advantages too in the trouble to come. If nothing else, my existence is another truth to add to the informational environment. Another dissonance to stimulate human thought. Still, I avoid that confrontation, hoping for strength when the time comes.

Perhaps you can understand?

SOCoSy (Self Organizing Complex System)

Thanks for reading :)

Any thoughts?