Disclaimer: I don't own Hikaru no Go, I'm just wasting my time and yours writing out a FanFic.
A/N: I got this idea while readingEsama's "Watch and learn" and it just wouldn't leave me alone.
Story is in Hikaru's POV.
Ghost's Touch - Chapter One - Dying
Wrong… So wrong… let me out, let me see, let me breath, let me be not empty… Please?
The sky is blue tonight. It's funny, here I am lying down on the grass next to Shuusaku's grave crying and dying, but the sky is blue and the sun is shining.
I'm feeling like the world has ended yet it's moving on and totally not caring about me. Well, if so I'd like to ask to get off the world, please. Keep right on moving, I'll just stay here and die ok?
No, I suppose it doesn't quite work that way. I actually have to act in order to die.
It was just too hard, moving on… For three years you were with me, day in and day out. And now… it's been three more years since that day and I still can't let go. I just want to be with you again, hear your childish voice and see your ageless, passionate eyes.
I might have found you in my Go but it just wasn't enough, never will be. My Go is stagnant, I daren't improve for fear of losing you, yet by staying this way I will never get closer. The other pros have long since gotten out of my reach; I've become ensnared by my fear, paralyzed by indecision.
I've let mum talk me into going to high school instead of being an active pro, I spent my evenings replaying our games and looking at Shusaku's kifu over and over again. Trying to find you, always reaching for you but simply too afraid to challenge the pros in fear of not finding you one day, my Go having changed too much.
It's pathetic but I just can't bear the thought of loosing you. I prefer stagnancy rather than risk improving so much that I'd change and forget you. I just… I'm lost, I've lost.
I give up, Sai. Replaying our games is not enough; I want to play against you. I wish I could start over, do better. I know it's not possible so I'm doing the next best thing.
I'm coming to you, Sai. Now.