Take Me To The Gates - Chapter 1
Patsy was deep in thought as she quietly entered the room she shared with her friend and colleague Trixie. The room was in darkness and Trixie appeared to be sleeping soundly.
In the wake of their moonlit chat on the garden bench, she and Delia had parted awkwardly.
After tightly shaking her head and saying "Sorry…" (but actually meaning "I'm scared…"), Patsy had taken Delia's small hand in hers and placed a light kiss on her knuckles.
But the sparkle had gone from the small brunette's pretty blue eyes and Pasty watched Delia's shoulders slump slightly as she had made her way along the corridor to her own room.
She hated herself.
Patsy knew how much Delia struggled sometimes to maintain their public facade. She understood that a night at the Gateways Club would allow her love to be herself for a while… to hold hands and dance… and Delia loved to dance…
A brief smile played across her lips - and then quickly vanished.
She couldn't risk it.
Patsy often wished she could be more open around her feelings for Delia, but she had been a closed book for so long. Painfully private and an absolute expert at keeping her emotions in check. She found it almost impossible to contemplate being even remotely intimate with Delia in public - even if it was among 'women like us'.
What if they were seen?
The consequences of that would be disastrous…
Trixie mumbled quietly then in her sleep, rousing Patsy from her brooding thoughts. She quickly undressed and pulled on her nightshirt, sighing as she slipped quietly into her own bed. She needed to get some sleep - the next few days would be busy with clinic shifts and home visits. But she resolved to find a way to make things better with Delia somehow.
The next week, as predicted, was a blur of clinic, then home visits, and then back to the clinic again.
On the occasions when they had all met around the table for lunch or dinner, Delia had chatted easily with Patsy and the other residents of Nonnatus House. To Patsy however, Delia seemed distant, her usual bright enthusiasm and impish humour were subdued.
She had seen Delia like this on one or two occasions in the past, when Delia struggled to maintain 'the facade'.
It was like keeping a caged songbird and it made Patsy's heart ache to see it.
She simply had to find some time for them both to talk things through.
One evening towards the end of that week, Patsy dragged herself back to Nonnatus after a particularly long house call. Although, 'house' was not strictly accurate - it had been a canal boat. In fairness though, it was very much home to her patient, Mrs Blacker.
Inside, the boat was low, narrow and incredibly cramped. Patsy had to hunch over to avoid banging her head on the ceiling.
Mrs Blacker was lying on a tiny bed, grimacing through the final stages of her labour - "Oh, it's you" she hissed, through gritted teeth.
The woman was not entirely trusting of Patsy.
Perhaps Patsy couldn't really blame her for that.
They had disagreed somewhat at the clinic earlier in the week, when Mrs Blacker had accused Patsy of meddling. Patsy was only trying to ensure the Blacker children had a proper bath and some clean clothes, and therefore an easier time at school… But with hindsight, she could understand how that might be seen as meddling by the children's mother…
Patsy set her equipment down in the cramped boat.
"Now then Mrs Blacker, lets see if we can make you a little more comfortable" Patsy said, with as much brightness as she could muster.
Just as she was wondering where on earth she was going to find enough hot water and towels on the tiny barge, there was a knock at the door.
Looking out through the doorway, Patsy could see a group of women from some of the other boats on the canal. They were standing on the walkway with arms full of towels and carrying kettles of hot water.
At Patsy's quizzical expression, one of their number - a stout, ruddy-faced woman - stepped forward and said "Thought you could use some help nurse - when needs must, us canal-folk band together"
And with that, it was all hands on deck (literally), and the newest member of the Blacker family arrived without a hitch.
Later, as Patsy wearily climbed the steps to Nonnatus House, she recalled something that Mrs Blacker had said as Patsy was leaving the boat. It was something about how sometimes being part of a larger community is a good thing…
She sighed and smiled to herself… realising belatedly that this was exactly what Delia had been trying to tell her…
"Patience Mount. You are an utter idiot!" she muttered under her breath.
She knew what she had to do.
With a renewed energy she skipped up the last few steps and through the heavy front door.
It was late in the evening and the main part of the house was quiet - the Nuns were in Compline and both Trixie and Barbara were out on calls. It came to Patsy that Delia had been on a day shift at the London Hospital and that she may still be awake…
She ran up the stairs and along the corridor, pulling to a stop outside Delia's room. She could see the glow of the bedside lamp under the door. She knocked twice softly and opened the door.
There was Delia, in her pyjamas, propped-up in bed with a book in hand.
"Pats…?" she whispered looking up, a hesitant half-smile flitting across her dainty features.
"Hello Deels" said Patsy breathlessly "is it too late to talk?"
"Of course not - what's up? A quizzical expression formed on Delia's face.
Patsy closed the door quietly behind her. She shrugged off her coat, hanging it on a hook on the back of the door and placed her bag down on the floor. She crossed the room quickly and sat on the edge of Delia's bed.
Delia laid her book down and shuffled over to create more room for Patsy to sit comfortably.
"Patsy, are you alright?" concern edging in to her voice "Has something happened...?"
Patsy took a deep, steadying breath. Her earlier courage was beginning to leave her - out with it now Patience!
"Deels, I'm so sorry for being such a square lately" she began.
Delia pursed her lips and held Patsy's gaze, her bright blue eyes steady but questioning.
Patsy lowered her eyes, fixating on her hands which were now fidgeting in her lap (they seemed to have a mind of their own!) and continued "It's just that you are all I have - you're my entire world - and I'm absolutely terrified of losing you…" she paused, swallowing audibly.
She could feel the heat of a deep blush rapidly spreading across her face - why was she so hopeless at these things…?
A frown creased Delia's brow "Lose me? Why on earth would you lose me?"
Patsy blundered on. "If we were ever found out, this life that we have - we'd lose it - we'd lose everything, and I don't know what I'd do without you!" breathing in sharply she continued "the very thought of it paralyses me sometimes…" she froze as Delia lifted a finger and pressed it gently to Patsy's lips.
"Pats, I think you forget sometimes that I'm also a nurse" one corner of Delia's mouth twitched slightly into a tiny, wry smile "…and I know a worst-case-scenario when I hear one" she continued "even if that did ever happen, you wouldn't lose me cariad, I promise you that".
She hooked her finger under Patsy's chin and gently lifted her face so that their eyes met. Patsy thought her heart would stop beating as she felt herself falling into the clear blue of Delia's eyes. It never ceased to amaze her how all the troubles of the world faded away to nothing when she was caught in that wonderful gaze…
Delia continued, her soft lilting voice bringing Patsy back to the present "…we would just go Patsy - you and me - and we'd start afresh somewhere new. You're not ever going to lose me - I'm not going anywhere without you, sweetheart.. do you understand that?"
Patsy swallowed again, nodding mutely, not trusting herself to speak quite yet.
A small frown appeared again on Delia's brow "I need to say sorry too Pats".
"What on earth for…?" Patsy questioned hoarsely, finally finding her voice. Just.
Delia sighed ruefully "I shouldn't have been…" she paused searching for the words "…I shouldn't have been so cold with you when you refused to go to the Gateways Club - I'm sorry…"
Patsy interrupted "Delia, you weren't cold - and you certainly don't have anything to apologise for…"
"No, but I do" Delia looked steadily up at Patsy "It's not your fault that we can't relax with one another in public" she sighed and lowered her gaze "I shouldn't take my frustrations out on you because of the way the world is towards us - none of that is your fault" she continued "I just get weary sometimes - it is so tiring to have to pretend most of the time that we're just friends and colleagues…"
Suddenly she looked up at Patsy again and her eyes were glittering like sapphires "…but I would rather have you this way a thousand times over than not have you at all."
Patsy felt herself falling again.
She lifted her hands and gently held Delia's face, drawing them closer together. Then, ever so gently, she pressed her lips to Delia's. She felt Delia's eyelashes flutter against her cheek as the kiss deepened.
Slowly, Patsy pulled back slightly, catching her breath. Then, without thinking and with their faces still just inches apart, she whispered "God, I love you Delia - I want to take you to the Gateways…" - had she just said that out loud..?
She must have... because Delia leaned forward again, tilting her face upwards and brushing her lips against Patsy's "I thought you'd never ask…" she sighed into the kiss.
To be continued...maybe...?
Thank you for reading.
I could just leave it there. Or we could go to the Gateways with them...?
…I'll have a think…