The accident wasn't a mistake. It wasn't anyone's fault.
It would be a couple of days later when someone went through the wreckage of the explosion to figure out that a stray bomb somehow fell out of it's place. There was a crack and hole in the holder it was in. There was so many of them that Hera knew that they couldn't check every single thing individually. She knew that they could, but it was a lot to ask of anyone.
Somehow it got too close to a corrosive material and it led to a small explosion in part of the supply building.
It was early in the morning. Hera had just ate something. She was supposed to be getting prepared for a holo-meeting with Sato and Senator Mothma while she was on Chopper Base, but the sudden explosion took priority.
It was quickly learned that no one was inside, thank the maker, and the only ones hurt were those too close to the outside of it. But Hera's almost heart attack was calmed again when it seemed like the worse injury were bad cuts that were easily healed by bacta and maybe two people with extremely mild head injuries. Hera considered it to be extremely lucky. Other bombs should have been set up, or at least full of flammable contents that the entire base could have easily gone up in flames in a matter of minutes. How the small explosion was cornered in the spot was nothing short of a miracle.
It wasn't until Zeb's comment of "wasn't Chopper starting to redraft the supply list since we got that new shipment" when Hera felt her stomach start to drop in her chest.
Because she suddenly remembered that she had asked Chopper to do that and that she had seen him roll into the space with another walking droid. Not only that, but in this time Chopper would have definitely been back by her side if he was unhurt and throwing insults about how this could have happened. She stood frozen for a couple of minutes, looking at the ground as her eyes widened in fear.
Hera excused herself from the main group as they were helping to direct people and stop a very small fire that had broken up around parts of an engine. She went further into the explosion, her foot catching on stray metal and parts every now and again as her eyes looked closely as the cast around her debris for anything familiar. The others followed her around, their own eyes looking for the droid. Hera's stomach sank with every step she took. Maybe she was wrong, she kept trying to think about. Maybe Chopper had left the building without her knowing. Maybe he was on the Ghost and was doing something and had not heard the explosion.
That was, until Hera saw it.
She saw the orange in the mix with the grey. It didn't stand out like it should. Whether it was still from the smoke of the explosion or from the dirt of it, the orange was even dimmer than it usually did.
Hera didn't realize her hand was shaking until she saw them reached out towards the orange while she slowly kneeled down. Hera leaned forward a bit and her fingers traced on the metal a bit. It was dirty and dinged with some new dents, scratches on it that were not there before. As strange as it was, the metal felt cold...extremely cold. Her breath hitched a bit when she moved a large metal sheet from above it. The orange cap moved a bit and she choked on air to see that it fell slightly, not attached to anything. As she moved another, smaller metal sheet, the cap came free. From the slightly slanted angle, she could see that it was just the cap.
That was it.
Hera was frozen for a couple of moments, just...staring at it before moving closer, sinking to her knees as she began to realize just how many pieces he was in. She moved more metal around, big and small sheets and big or small parts. As more things moved, more things came to her view. Chopper's chest place. Part of Chopper's outer cylinder. One of his arms, different programming mechanisms inside and inside parts...he was all apart. The programs and inside technicians were completely black, off, completely unoperational. They were completely busted with pieces broken off. Her hands moved through it, her hands and fingers moving past the parts, some that were smaller than her nails from the parts that had broken off.
She sighed and brought her hands out. Her gaze turned to the head again. After staring at it for a couple of minutes, her shaking hands holding it in her fingertips. She moved the head closer to her, staring down at it in silence as she gently sunk to her knees. She saw her vision starting to blur a bit as she looked over the head.
The other members could only stare on at their Captain and the orange cap of their droid comrade in her hands, knowing exactly what the disconcert meant. Zeb's ears wilted as he saw her shoulders just slowly start to shake as she stared at the droid. None of them were particularly fond of the droid, but he was a member of their crew and he had saved them all the same amount of uncountable times he had annoyed them. All of them were somewhat close with the droid, but they knew the connection Hera and Chopper had. Chopper was loyal to Hera and there was history between them.
"Maybe we could rebuild him," Ezra suggested to her, his voice gentle as he sensed all of her emotions.
His voice seemed so far off from her ears and her gaze never left the orange metal part in her hands. The Twi'lek shook her head before answering, surprised about how strong her voice was for the feelings that were tightening her chest to a point where she felt like she couldn't breathe.
"No," Hera answered, her gaze becoming blurry. "He'd need completely new parts for everything. His mainframe is completely blown. Even if I did manage to find everything, I wouldn't expect him to turn on."
The others felt her voice waver by the last word. As steady as her voice was, all four of them could hear the sadness and sorrow deep inside her. That was not something she could hide now. She sniffed slightly, moving her arms slowly as they brought the droid's head closer, folding her arms to hold it to her chest as she stared ahead, blankly but with wide, glossy eyes as her stomach began to sink and it seemed like bile was moving up her throat.
No. He was too broken. His mainframe was destroyed. Even if she had everything and in working condition there was no guarantee he would turn on. He was too old. And if he did, he might not be Chopper anymore. This wasn't like where he was partially broken before so many years ago when that ship crash landed. Some parts needed to be replaced and there were dents, but the mainframe was in good condition with some slight adjustments.
No.
She couldn't rebuild him.
Not this time.
Her arms tightened around him, holding him closer to her chest as the tears started to leak from her eyes as she was on her knees, holding the head tightly. Chopper was her constant through everything that had happened. He was there and supported her dreams of flying again even though she knew he was still mildly scared to get on ships. He supported her when she went to her room in tears after a disagreement that turned into a screaming match with her father and even told her jokes about the situation to try and make her crack a smile. He was there when she got the Ghost. He was there with the test fly and supported her decision to leave and fly. He was there when she would try and send messages back to her father and would tell her it was Cham's lost when he wouldn't answer her back until almost a year had passed. For a while on supply runs it was just them. He had her back and he watched out for her. He zapped anyone he thought was moving too close to her or anyone he thought was a threat. He was there when she met every other member of the crew. He was there for every supply run and every time to help repair the Ghost when she needed him. He was there when he knew she had a bad day and she knew that he was checking up on her more often than he normally would. She remembered how in the early days of when she got the Ghost and the cold-shoulder of her father that she could hear him in the night moving to her doorway and listening to see if she was crying before leaving again because he wanted to her to be okay and that always made her sleep easier. He was there for not just her, but the crew. She knew that as long as Chopper was with them that the others would be safe. He was there guarding the crew as he rolled across the halls at night. He was always there. As annoying as he could be, as much as she yelled at him, and as much as he laid out insults, he was always by her side for all these years. He was her first true friend. No matter what had happened, he was a constant support as best as a droid could be.
Hera held the head tighter to her as the thoughts were starting to finally sink in her head, her chest hurting with the metal being pressed so hard against it.
Chopper was there. Copper was always there.
The others watched as her shoulders started to really shake as she started to try and blink the tears away.
Sensing that her emotions were starting to boil over and knowing that she needed the privacy, Kanan turned to the others.
"Go see if any other groups need you to go through scraps or help at he medbay. I'm sure that they could use help just putting on small bandages," Kanan told them.
Zeb, Sabine, and Ezra all understood the translation.
Leave.
The three of them nodded and took one last look at Hera before Zeb and Sabine turned. Ezra stayed for a moment longer, frowning as he sensed all of her emotions. He had never sensed such strong emotions and such strong sadness from Hera before. He went to take a step towards her, but Sabine took hold of his arm. He turned to look back at her and Sabine motioned away, wordlessly telling him that they needed to go. He could talk to her about it after, but right now they needed to give her a bit of space.
Although he didn't want to, Ezra followed the Mandalorian and Lasat as they made their way to the other groups to see if there was anything they could do to either start cleaning the mess or helping people caught in the explosion. Ezra looked back once more to see Kanan slowly making his own way over to Hera.
Even though the Twi'lek heard footsteps walking towards her, she didn't move besides curl up more with the head to her chest. Her eyes were now closed, shut tightly as her shoulder's shook and a couple more tears went down her cheeks. In the silence of hearing the other's leave, she heard footsteps come closer until they stopped right behind her, the air moving as someone kneeled down to her level. She didn't move besides her shaking shoulders as she felt a hand gently lay on one of her.
"Hera?" Kanan asked softly.
The Twi'lek didn't answer him at first. She sniffed and shook her head a little.
"I didn't think it would hurt this much."
He heard her voice brake at the end of the sentence and he was quick to take her in his arms. Hera leaned into him slightly, Chopper's head still between them as her folded arms held it tightly. She sniffed and hid her eyes in his shoulder as his arms held her tightly to him.
"Are you sure we can't rebuild him?" Karan asked her gently.
Hera nodded. She leaned up a little and, although hard, she moved one arm from the orange cap in her head and moved her hand to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. Kanan moved his arms so that she had more space, but his hands stayed in a hold on her shoulders. When she felt that her cheeks were somewhat more dry, she looked back at Kanan and shook her head.
"He is too broken. Everything inside…he'd need all new parts. Even if he did turn on, it wouldn't be him," Hera answered, her voice soft. She sniffed again and when more tears came from her eyes and slowly dripped down her cheeks, she wiped her eyes again. She sighed and chuckled lightly before whispering him, "I know I shouldn't be…crying over a droid."
She wiped her eyes again, looking down. She shouldn't be crying. She was a Captain. Things happened that were out of control. It didn't mean she needed to lose control of her emotions.
But Kanan did not want to shame her in any way.
"He wasn't just a droid," Kanan told her. "He was family…an old, crazy, grumpy uncle, but family. And I know how much he meant to you."
Hera couldn't help it as a small laugh burst from her lips from Kanan's description of Chopper. She looked up at him, a sad smile on her face before chuckling again from the thought as she wiped her eyes. She moved the orange plate in her one hand and held it out in front of her again, looking it over. She frowned again, sniffling.
"Hera," Kanan told her, his voice soft and comforting and everything she needed at the moment. "It's okay to cry. He wasn't just any droid. It's okay to cry when you lose someone you love."
She stared down at the head for a couple of more seconds as she listened to the words, letting them sink in. From the word 'cry' alone, she felt more tears coming to her eyes. She pursed her lips and looked back up at him. She stared at him and he was silent as she thought. She sniffed again, wiping her eyes as she told him, her voice a whimper in pain.
"He was always there."
Kanan nodded, gently rubbing her upper arms and shoulders in comfort.
"I know," Kanan told her. "I know that it's not going to be easy, Hera. I know it's hard."
She nodded, wiping her eyes once more before looking down at the head. She sighed and turned her head to lookout at the rest of the explosion's damage. The storage was blown. They would have to go through it all and in the clean up, mark down and organize any of the remaining supplies. There was a lot to do. She knew that Sato would want a damage report sent in soon.
"I…I should go help," Hera whispered weakly, though her hold on the head did not falter.
"Hera," Kanan tried but the Twi'lek shook her head.
"I shouldn't just be sitting here. There is so much to do," Hera told him.
"Hera, take some time," Kanan told her gently, but enunciating every syllable so that she got the message clearly. "I'll go start the supplies list and check the medical bay to see the injured and note it on the pilot's lists…Hera, I can do all this. Take a couple of hours to yourself. You're allowed to take some time when you need it."
Hera stared at him, her lips starting to purse together again. She knew that she should be helping the rest of the crew and other pilots but…she didn't know if she had it in her yet to keep her face up and strong until tonight.
She nodded and sniffed again, doing a final swipe with her hand as though to make sure that the last and final tears were gone. She looked at Kanan again and told him, "okay…I should be back out here in a couple of hours."
Kanan nodded. He watched her move out of his hold and stand up, folding her arms to hold the orange metal to her chest again. She was slightly hunched over the meal, but she hoped that not too many people would be looking at her as she made her way back to the Ghost.
"I'll see you soon," Kanan told her, getting to his feet.
Hera only nodded, though he couldn't see it Kanan still knew what gesture she had made, before she silently moved way from the aftereffects of the explosion. She held Chopper's head tightly to her and has gaze was on the ground, looking for the right path that would lead her to the Ghost. She didn't make any more eye contact with anyone before she found the ramp to the Ghost. Still keeping her head down and Chopper against her, she moved through the ship. For a couple of minutes it was like she was on autopilot. She was just moving without any control or really thinking about what she was doing. She wasn't sure how she made it up the ladder to the next floor or how fast she was going to get to her room, but soon enough she had opened the door and was staring into her bunk, the entire ship silent and empty.
Hera stood at the doorway for a couple of minutes before she slowly made it to her bed. She laid down on her back slowly, still silent that she could even feel her heart beating.
And from there it was just…time. She didn't know long she was there, just a silent steady flow of tears moving down her cheeks as she held the last of her friend tightly to her chest as she looked up at the roof and the thoughts that her first friend was gone. She didn't know how long she laid there in silence, her sniffles the only thing that made noise on the ship, but soon, she found that she was no longer crying and that the tears and her cheeks were drying up and getting tight. She laid there like that for a little bit as well, her hold on his head slowly loosening over time.
She knew that she shouldn't be taking this time. He was a droid. Droids and sentients alike die in rebellions or even just in accidents. But she was glad that she did to settle her rapid heart beat and the tears that threatened to drown her inside. He wasn't just a droid and she knew that. She had always knew that. She just didn't expect that her fixing him all those years ago on Ryloth would lead to all those years with him sticking by her.
And, soon enough, she found that she could actually breathe again. That her mind was clearer and she no longer felt like she wanted to throw up. She found that she could put up a face again, a true one, as she moved out of her room and back outside to help with the clean-up of the accident. She saw the rest of the crew starting to organize remaining supplies and she felt good knowing that when she went in for the night that the orange cap would be in her room on the dresser, because she knew that Chopper would always want to stay close even if he was no longer existent.
