Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
A/N: I am sorry I haven't been able to write for my other stories lately, I know people are waiting, I just could not find a way to be well enough. I am sorry.
Sometimes
Kurt and Blaine are cuddled up close under the warm comfy blankets of Kurt's bed, both wearing light pajamas on this day drifting from the last summer days slowly into autumn, not caring what the calendar says.
And Blaine … Blaine is crying, has been for '… too long,' that is all Kurt is certain of, does not care to put it into measurements suiting this world.
He does not care about anything suiting, pleasing this world in any way today, his world is right here, wrapped securely in his arms, and dissolving more and more into tears and sobs, shaking all over.
Blaine would like to think that if he had known it was coming, if he had had a chance to brace himself against the impending pain it would have made things easier.
But deep down he knows that nothing can or will ever take the sting of this pain, memories.
It sits too deep. They sit too deep, … have been festering too long. And by now all knowledge of what else he could do but bare it to the one person whose love he has never doubted, has never had to doubt, has left his every thought.
"I want it to stop, Kurt. I want it to stop hurting. And it never will, I know it never will. As long as I remember it, it will hurt…and …and how … how could I ever forget being hated by so many people in my life, for so many stupid reasons. I want to forget, sometimes I just wish I could. I know it is stupid and reckless, and ppphhointless," Blaine sobs out, "… but sometimes I wish I could be someone else, I would not have to be mmmmhheehe."
"Let me help you forget then," Kurt reaches out to sooth with words, tightening his hold on Blaine already buried deep in his arms, "not that you are you, because Blaine you are wonderful in so many more ways than you yourself can see, but let me help you forget the bad parts, the pain. Please?"
For a few more minutes there is only heavier crying, only more tears, no other sounds than sobs, sharp painful intakes of breathes half-chocked, half-choking the boy in his arms, … then Kurt is surprised by Blaine's softly spoken words.
"I did not mean it, you know."
"What, Love?" Kurt asks softly.
Kurt hears Blaine sniffle before he answers, "Not wanting to be me. If I wasn't me, I would not have you."
"And I would not have you," and now Kurt is the one sniffling.
And Blaine looks up for the first time in all this from where his tear-streaked face had been buried all along in Kurt's warm chest. His reddened eyes find Kurt's, overflowing with the salted waters pressed forth by emotions too full, too strong, rising up in him, overpowering.
Blaine reaches up a hand and tenderly wipes the glistening substance of Kurt's cheeks before leaning up and connecting their lips.
Both boys are still upset when they drift of too sleep, cuddled as close as all along, arms wound tightly around each other's middle, but hearts and chests resting close together neither fears the dreams to come, how could they be bad in any way with love so close tonight.
A/N: Yep, have been crying through writing this. I have been terribly bad lately, scared of a lot of things to come in my life, ridiculously so, all to do with me being me, so I just had to try and relief some of my fear through writing this, because I do not have a love like Kurt and Blaine's, and no Kurt to make me dare think things could ever be okay … despite everything. Very personal author's note I know, … I hope you understand I just had to, in the hope of not driving myself crazy in my loneliness.