A/N: I've always pictured Paul as a bit of a chauvinist pig, and I figure he and Leah would be like oil and water. Anyway, this is a little something I came up with. It's kind of dark humor, so I hope you like it.

Also, I own nothing.

Sam sucks! You suck. You are made of suck! Leah thought as she shared her thoughts with Paul as they ran patrol.

Oh Shut up, Leah. It's not like I want to be here either. You're not exactly fun to be around. Paul thought, with disdain.

I think Sam assigned me to patrol with you so I'd end up killing you, Paul.

If anything, it's the other way around. Everyone is sick of you.

Yeah, right.

It's true and you know it.

I'm more welcome to the pack then you are.

REALLY? Interesting you think that. I suppose you could be right though, you have one redeeming quality that I don't, you have an amazing naked body. I know the guys and I can't get enough of it.

Paul proceeded to think of her naked body. You're pretty tasty-looking, Clearwater.

Stop that! That's my naked body you're thinking about! Sam's going to kill you.

Oh yeah, Sam…I don't recall him ever thinking about your naked body. Strange. I guess he's gay, I mean a straight guy would totally picture you naked all the time. Oh yeah, I forgot, he's not gay, he just imprinted – on your cousin.

Stop it.

'Stop it'? Is that all?

Stop it or I'll make you sorry.

I'd like to see you try.

Okay, keep it up and I will.

Fine.

And with that, Paul proceeded to fantasize about all the things he wanted to do with Leah. Well, not Leah exactly, just a girl that looked exactly like Leah and was named Leah but had much larger breasts, fewer brain cells and was willing to do whatever Paul's sick mind wanted her to do.

Paul kept it up the entire time they were supposed to be patrolling, and he was thoroughly enjoying himself because he was making Leah angrier.

You're a feisty little bitch aren't you? Paul thought, hoping to fuel the fire.

But there was no answer.

Hey Leah, did you turn off your brain or something?

It turned out, while Paul was in his sick little fantasy world, Leah phased back to her human form. This made Paul nervous because he thought Leah had run off to tell Sam exactly what he'd been doing.

Paul started freaking out a little, not sure what he was going to do when Sam showed up. As he was freaking out, he heard someone approach from behind. From the scent, he could tell it was Leah. Paul turned around and was met by the sight of Leah Clearwater, standing stark naked right in front of him.

"Hey Paul, you want to know why I'm such a bitch? It's because I don't want you to know how I really feel about you. I don't want you and the whole pack to know that I think about you too."

Paul just stood there, completely dumb-struck, not sure what to do or say.

"But I can't hide it from you anymore, Paul. I want you so much. I am so incredibly horny for you. Phase so I can pleasure you in all the ways you want me to."

Paul didn't need much convincing, as he'd wanted to have sex with Leah for quite some time. After he phased, he stood there in all his naked glory, showing Leah exactly how excited he was.

"So are we going to do this thing or what?" Paul asked in a gruff voice.

"Yes, we're going to." Leah said, seductively as she slowly approached Paul. When she reached him, she looked him up and down, a pleased smile on her face. Finally she said "Take me Paul, take me now."

At that, Paul reached out, grabbed her, pulled her close and started fondling her. "Oh, Leah, your skin feels soooo soft." Paul moaned.

"Really?" Leah questioned.

"Yeah, Leah, you're so soft, delicate and feminine. Everything about you is so feminine."

"Thanks, but I think you underestimate me." Leah murmured in Paul's ear.

"Why do you say that?" Paul said, as he kissed her neck.

"Because, I'm much smarter then you." Leah whispered playfully in Paul's ear before swiftly kneeing Paul in the crotch, twice.

Paul's hands went down to his much abused testicles and he fell to his knees. "You bitch!" Paul gasped.

"I'm a bitch, huh? Well tell that to my fist." Leah said as she punched Paul directly in the nose, successfully breaking it.

Paul laid on the ground and curled up in the fetal position, moaning in pain.

"I promised I'd make you sorry." Leah said, triumphantly.

"You're a psycho." Paul said in a strangled voice.

"Really? I wouldn't say I was a psycho…" She said while circling around him, slowly, "I mean, if I were a psycho, I'd have to do this!" Leah said as she proceeded to kick the living shit out of Paul.

After Leah had her fun, she crouched down so she could kiss his forehead and then she whispered, "I guess I am a psycho."

Then she walked away, laughing evilly like a true psycho would (even though, she wasn't actually a psycho…or was she?).

FIN

So, is Leah a psycho? I know I'd be sorely tempted to do the same thing.