Stills

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Vignette from Meilan's POV.

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Our first coupling was awkward. His elders must have taken him aside and explained to him what to do, or else he figured it out himself, but I hadn't a clue. My mother had told me of sex only briefly, using great uncomfortable words and descriptions I only half understood. I merely laughed and ran off to practice more. I was young, and determined to use the last year or so of my freedom to it's whole advantage. Despite my loud and brash behavior at the ceremony earlier that day... the ceremony he walked out on, I was quiet and yes, a little bit fearful (though I would never admit it to anyone) when he led me to the bedroom. I remember the look on his face as he removed my robes and touched my skin... it was one of intense concentration, not adoration or admiration or anything of the like. There was no "love" involved. I hardly knew him... our first conversation, if you could call it that, had been that morning! I felt a particular churning in my stomach then, as he continued... He repulsed me. But there was nothing I could do... only lay there on the bed and let him do whatever he wanted, as was his right. When he actually got the position right, (the first attempt was awkward, he had to back off and try again), I felt pain. I felt like I was being torn open... it hurt badly. Though I may have writhed, I said nothing. I was strong.

When he had finished, the look of contentment on his arrogant face actually turned to a look of concern for a moment. I suppose I had been glaring at him, and I know there were tears in my eyes. However I still did not say anything, and the look of concern on his face was swiftly replaced by vague irritation. He turned from me then, going to lay on his back; away from me. I did not know which act hurt me more.

After a moment of choking down my feelings, I did the same, rolling away from him, laying on the very edge of the bed. I refused to touch him or be near him. I continued to glare, now at the wall, and let the tears escape and flow down my cheeks. I still did not make a sound, and finally after several hours of silence I fell asleep.

I may have been strong, but I felt weak.

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