Hi everybody! Okay, so I know I haven't been posting regularly and I'm way behind on It Isn't Over, but it's been crazy busy here. Anyway, you can ask anybody and they'll tell you - I'm a big Glee fan. And I especially love Chord Overstreet (seriously, I'm obsessed). And when news got out that he wasn't coming back for Season 3, well, I decided to write this, because I always imagined Quinn singing this song to him in Glee club, it's perfect, in my opinion.
It's just a oneshot, so it's nothing too long or anything. Hope you enjoy it! =)
So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night…
It's the first time he's seen her stand up in front of the entire Glee club and sing a solo. He knows she has a pretty voice, enough to help them win the duets competition and Sectionals, but it's the first time he's hearing her sing with this much raw emotion. She's vulnerable and scared and exposed, her hands balled up in fists, her knuckles turning white. He looks around the room to gauge the reactions of the other Glee members – Puck is grinning stupidly and Artie's bopping his head to the beat, but it's Santana, Rachel, and Mercedes who seem to be really moved. Each girl has tears in her eyes and he stops to think that maybe they knew this would happen today.
It turns out freedom meant nothing but missing you, wishing I realized what I had when you were mine…
His heart skips a beat because it can't be true – Quinn can't be singing about him, can she? They broke up after the whole Finn debacle, which seems like ages ago. But he sees her eyes gazing at him and it makes him fidget, a little, because he's pretty sure Finn is giving him the evil eye and so is Puckerman. He hears Tina, who's sitting behind him, whisper to Mike that the pretty blonde has never sang a song for someone before, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees Mike shake his head at his girlfriend, as if he doesn't want Sam to hear or something. But that's crazy, right? Because there's no way Quinn is singing to him - there's no way. Still, he finds the title of the song scarily appropriate – some of their best times were in December and Sam tries hard not to bring up the memory of him and Quinn spending all day out in the snow, before going inside and cuddling in front of the fireplace. Or the memory of them Christmas shopping together for the Glee club and her laughing at his present for Finn (a pair of stuffed penguins). Or the memory of mistletoes, stolen kisses, gift exchanges, and that night – the one night they trusted each other with their hearts, bodies, and souls. 'Yeah, going back to December wouldn't be so bad,' he thinks bitterly.
These days, I haven't been sleeping, staying up, playing back myself leaving. When your birthday passed, and I didn't call...
Sam's heart takes a nosedive into the pit of his stomach and all of a sudden, his mind flashbacks to two months ago, when he turned 18. He remembers waking up and checking his phone throughout the day, replying messages from the other Glee clubbers, but he never got one from her. He remembers going out to dinner with his family and how they gave him a brand new guitar, because his dad got another job, and he remembers feeling his phone vibrate, but it's wasn't her – it was never her anymore. He remembers going to school the next day and passing her in the hallways, hoping that she would say something, but she never did and just like that, his birthday was gone.
Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times, I watched you laughing from the passenger side, and I realized I loved you in the fall...
Sam bites his lip and he manages to pull his head up to look at her. In that second, their eyes lock and he can't deny it. It's those lyrics that do it and his mind starts pulling out memories he thought he had long forgotten – or at least, tried to. They were driving in his beat-up truck with the windows rolled down, blasting country music radio. He can't remember where they were headed, but it didn't matter, because he can still see her long, blonde hair, whipping against the wind and her fingers tapping against her bare knees. He was doing his best (and worst) impression of Keith Urban's 'Kiss a Girl' and she was laughing so hard, there were tears in her eyes. Then the traffic light came up red, so he stopped the car and in what felt like a millisecond, he felt her lips on his - spontaneous, unexpected, and deliriously wonderful. The memory stops and he looks at her again and when she gives him a small nod, Sam knows the song is definitely for him.
It takes him a while to compose himself and for the next minute, it's like he's in a trance, watching her grip the mic stand tightly, her eyes shut, her heart and soul pouring out into the song. They had started talking after she found out about his family and even after Finn broke up with her. But when Quinn found out about him and Mercedes, just like that, she stopped coming over to babysit his siblings. He racks his brain, trying to think of the last time they acknowledged each other. He can hear Brittany in the background, clapping out of rhythm when all of a sudden, it comes back to him. It was the day Mercedes broke up with him in the school hallways and he was left there, dumbstruck. He remembers seeing Quinn out of the corner of his eye and he remembers that small smile she gave him – in that second, everything that was hurting melted away.
So good to me, so right, and how you held me in your arms that September night, the first time you ever saw me cry…
Sam sucks in a breath, because Quinn's voice broke and he knows why – that September night. They had gone out to dinner and he was driving her home when they got into a fight. He wanted to know about her ex-boyfriends, she wouldn't tell. They had screamed and shouted at each other, both too stubborn to back down, until Quinn unbuckled her seatbelt and sprinted from the car. He hadn't bothered to run after her, until he got that phone call at 2 AM and he made his way over to the Fabray's, where she was sitting on the porch swing bundled up in a huge blanket. She had been crying, he noticed, and when he went to sit next to her, a fresh wave of tears fell down her cheeks and she told him her story – Puck, wine coolers, Finn, stretch marks, Cheerios, Beth, Shelby – it all came spilling out and all he could do was hold her until she stopped shaking.
Sam looks at her again and sees tears in her eyes. He clenches his fists and bites his lips because he doesn't want to cry in front of the entire Glee club, even though he can see Kurt dabbing his own eyes with a tissue.
Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming, but if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right…
'But you can't go back. You cheated on me with Finn,' he thinks sadly to himself. Quinn takes the mic off the stand and she's shaky, but starts walking towards him. His palms start to sweat and he's completely nervous and he can hear Finn and Puck and Mike in the background, but all he can think about is how beautiful she looks, walking towards him. Her hair is shorter now, chin-length, and she's dressed in a pretty floral dress and flats and he can't remember the last time he took a good, proper look at her. His heart starts pounding a mile a minute and suddenly, she's in front of him. Right in front of him is Quinn, the girl he once loved – no, the girl he always loved. It had always been her. That's why it never meant anything with Santana, why it didn't hurt when she dumped him for Karofsky. That's why he wasn't heartbroken when Mercedes broke up with him, because they were never in love. At least, not in the way he was in love with Quinn. What was it that Mercedes said to him?
'You're in love, Sam. Just not with me.'
And she had given him a smile, a kiss on the cheek, and walked away. Was this what she was talking about? Had she known what he couldn't figure out all this time?
I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't. So if the chain is on your door, I understand…
Quinn stops singing and looks at him straight in the eye. She struggled through the song, not knowing how he'd react and replaying all the memories in her mind, but this is the moment where she stands in front of him, asking for his forgiveness. Because that's what she really wants, when it comes down to it. Sure, Quinn wants Sam to be hers again, but she was careless with his heart and so all she can ask for – all she deserves to ask for – is his forgiveness. She looks into his eyes, trying to find some sort of a response or a reaction and she registers the fact that the entire choir room has gone completely silent. She feels their eyes staring and it's taking everything in her to not sprint for the door, but she needs this – she needs his forgiveness. The band stops playing and she takes a deep breath, waiting for him to say something.
Sam knows everybody's watching. He's also figured out that somehow, everybody knows he and Quinn still love each other. But he's completely frozen to his seat, just going over everything in his head, that it takes Tina, who kicks him lightly from behind, to bring him back. He looks up at Quinn, her tear-stained face searching him for an answer, and he stands up, so he's looking down at her. He can feel his heart beating against his ribs and he's pretty sure his palms are still sweaty, but he slides his hand around her back and pulls her in close, their foreheads touching. As if on reflex, Quinn reaches up to cup his face and their lips meet – and for a minute, it feels just like December again.
So, this is how I wanted it to go down in Season 3, but unfortunately, Sam Evans isn't coming back. We had a good run though. =( RIP, Sammy & all your Na'vi impressions.
Anyway. Let me know what you think! This is my first Glee fanfic, so I want your feedback! =)
Xoxo!