The Memoirs of Gabrielle: Bardic Princess
Disclaimer: I, obviously, do not own Xena: Warrior Princess or any of the other characters. It belongs to its original creators. I'm simply a fan of the show who has decided to, after a loooooong creative dry-spell, to write fanfiction about it. This is my first attempt.
As told by none other than Gabby herself.
Chapter 1: That new parchment smell
Ahhh, there's nothing like fresh parchment. The crinkling sound it makes as it's unrolled, the dipping of a quill into fresh ink, the soft scritch-scratch sound as the words flow across the page. It's hypnotic.
And new parchment smell. Don't you just love it? It's almost…hypnotic.
I really should repay Xena for all these new blank scrolls she got me for my birthday. And this nifty new quill Joxer got for me, even if that poor goose is now missing a feather or two. He really was determined to chip in, even when Xena said there weren't any left at the I thought she'd forgotten! Silly me, doubting my closest friend on the gods green earth. Oh, and Joxer. He's sweet, in his own clumsy, awkward way.
Of course, it wasn't as if I let her forget. I'm sure those subtle…hints I dropped reminded her that I was desperately in need of new writing materials. And that my birthday was coming up on the Summer Solstice. Oh sure, Xena pretends to be oblivious, but her mind is as sharp and keen as her chakram. Which, by the way, she never, EVER, under any circumstances, lets me, or anyone else, touch.
Her words, not mine.
Okay, so I used it to cut fish heads that one time, and it smelled, well, fishy for a good two weeks after that, but that's beside the point. After all, I needed something to slice up our dinner with, since we didn't have a hunting knife handy. That was right around the time I also traded her whip for Minya's frying pan. She was none to happy about that one, either. And that one time I tried to use her sword to chop firewood. If I didn't know better, I'd swear she valued that thing even more than me, or even Argo. But I digress.
Hey...so what if I got creative with the weapons, and used them for other purposes other than their original purposes of chopping, slicing, dicing, and otherwise mutilating and killing people? So what if cutting up fish or chopping firewood is "not their intended use" as she said?
Now, if only we invested in a nice, sharp knife…or we carried an axe, I wouldn't have to use her weapons in such a manner.
Oh…and speaking of the "intended use" (or rather, misuse) of certain household items we STILL need a new frying pan. Since a certain Warrior Princess thought it would make a handy weapon for conking out a warlord and his cronies. It has a distinctly head-shaped dent in it.
Xena…I'm looking at you.
Signed Gabrielle: Bardic Princess
P. S. I think I'm going to start using that title from now on. It has a certain ring to it.
A/N: And that's the first chapter! This is meant to be a diary of sorts, obviously, told from Gabby's perspective. I also may intersperse dialogue pieces between her and Xena in between entries. I did my best to capture Gabby's "voice" although since this will be a humorous fic, she might seem slightly OOC. I'll do my best to keep her in character, or as close to character as I can. I don't know how long this will be, but since I've started watching Xena again recently, well…this idea planted itself into my head and took root, and I thought I'd give it a try in writing from Gabrielle's perspective. I hope you liked it. I hope it makes you laugh, or at least crack a smile. Please review! I'll continue this if I get them.