I can't believe I got a bloody detention, three weeks from graduation. Just because I fell asleep in the library. Bloody hell, Madam Price is a major bitch. I am sorting books throughout the the library, it's late probably 8:30. My eyes hurt, throbbing from the intense studying I've been doing the past couple of days.
As I reach up to tuck a book into a shelf, through the opening I can see a figure sitting at one of the tables on the other side of the shelf. There were only a few students, mostly seventh and first years at their own private tables, noses buried in their books.
I smile to myself as I can see James Potter squirming over a textbook. If possible, his black hair is even more dishelved and untidy then it normally is. His glasses are perched at the bridge of his nose. He keeps running a hand over his face and sighing, in obvious discomfort. He kept tugging at his tie, making it looser and looser. He also kept repeating the same action of rolling up his sleeves, pushing them higher up his arms.
It gives me satisfaction to know Potter is doing bad in class. It's obvious from his stance that he is worried about exams. I get goosebumps from just the thought of a teacher giving him a big fact T for Troll. James Potter is the most arrogant, pompus, selfish, prick of an excuse for a man -
"He lives!" A voice gasped sarcastically from the walls of books and I stiffen, immediately knowing who it is. Lily breaks through the barrier of my vision, walking over to where James is sitting. His face immediately lightens at the sound of the voice, much like mine probably did. Lily, even though she hates me now, still brightens my mood.
"Hi Lily-flower." James says lovingly as she walks up to stand behind him. I waited for her to cringe, just like she used to at the sound of his pet name for her. But instead she smiles, standing behind him and rests his hand on his shoulders. I guess her hatrage for that name is not the only thing that changed.
"I left you here at four thirty." Lily says and I have a clear shot of her now. Her long and beautiful auburn hair is not the color of say, Arthur Weasley who was Head Boy a few years back. Her hair is the deepest, most shimmering color of golden red. It is long, in slight waves off her shoulders .
Still to this day, I can feel the softness of when she'd accidentily brush it against my hand, or sigh and rest her head on my shoulder. Back when we were friends. Her green eyes are live and sparkling with amusement. I'm worried I won't be able to hear her voice, her natural voice. Not the voice she has in class, but her normal, chatting with her friends voice. So I quickly cast a Sound Amplifcation Spell and listen quietly.
"Everyone knows that a Maurader does not miss dinner. We'd all been afraid that you were hunted down and killed. I thought you were being buried in the Forbidden Forrest as we speak and I'd have to avenge your death. " Lily teased, resting her chin in his black mess of knots. James snorted and leaned his head back against her stomach. I felt a roll of nausea engulf me and I fought the urge to vomit. A few years ago, she would have vomitted too.
"Ha ha Lils. Very funny." Lils, I shuddered. I used to call her that. "But who would want to kill me? Of all people." He said pretending to be astounished.
Lily laughed and the sound filled me up like a balloon. It had been so long since I've heard her laugh. "Oh let's see. Professor Flitwick, since you sang 'We're off to see the Wizard' when he gave you detention. Those Ravenclaw fourth years who got caught in your boody trap. The entire Slytherin house." Lily listed and I smiled at the truth.
James opened his mouth to protest, but gave up and smiled with a swift nod.
"What are you still doing here?" She asked, peering over his shoulder to glance at the book in front of him.
"History of Magic." He answered in an exhusted tone that made her smile.
"And why are you studying the night before?" She asked sarcastically.
"Because I am not as brilliant as Miss Lily Evans." He answered easily and she smiled again. I watched in silent horror as she began to rub his shoulders. Lily has always been the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She was tall and thin, with the body any boy would dream about touching. Believe me, I certainly did. And the way she looked in that uniform, even draped in Gryffindor colors...yum. But ever since she started dating James Potter at the beginning of this year, I've noticed a change in her appearance.
Confidence bursted out of her like a ray of light.
She's laughing more, smiling more.
Her skirts have been getting hiked up higher, showing off more of her amazing buttons on her shirts were a little more undone. She is now walking around, a bonafide sex symbol. I observed her appearance now. Her hair was down, relaxed off her shoulders. She wore only her white t-shirt. It was untucked from her highly pulled up skirt and she had the sleeved rolled up halfway up her forearm.
Damn, relax Severus, I thought to myself.
"You're going to do fine James." Lily whispered encouraginly, continuing with the shoulder rub. It still left me in awe whenever "James", his first name, left her mouth without any form of venom in her speech. She used to just call him "Potter"
"I'm trying to get a few more cram hours in. Please don't give me the speech about how cramming the night before does nothing." James begged playfully, closing his eyes in comfort, obviously enjoying the massage.
"Okay." She said simply, smiling to herself as he closed his eyes, relaxing against the back of the chair.
"I'm going to fail." He moaned after a moments.
"Hey, hey, hey." Lily shot back. He opened his eyes when she stopped the shoulder rub. She stepped back from the chair and I felt my jaw drop in utter disgustion as he opened his arms to her and she turned around and sat on his lap. "That is not the right behavior mister. That kind of attitude would never come from the James Potter I know."
"I know honey, but it's hard." He groaned, tucking his chin into the nape of her neck. Push him away Lily, I thought to myself. Slap him, kick him, something. But no, Lily only kissed the vile creature's forehead.
"I know James, but we're almost done. We're so close." She exclaimed, gripping his shirt in her fist and shaking it excitedly. His made his grin grow wider as they locked eyes. It wasn't disgusting and gooey, it was like they were having a silent conversation. It wasn't like they were melting from each other's eyes, but that only made it harder to watch.
"This is true Lilykins." He nodded playfully.
"And once you ace History of Magic, we will both graduate and go into the Auror program. And we will join the Order of the Phoenix and save the world." She lifted carefully. I knew James and Lily were both applying into the Auror program at the Ministry and I knew they were going to being inducted into the Order with the rest of the Mauraders, and Lily's best friends Alice Lennett and McKenzie Calloway. Their boyfriends, Frank Longbottom and Xenophilious Lovegood were both waiting for them, with already stable jobs.
It makes me sick to think about fighting a war against Lily. I love her, the idea of trying to kill her ...
"That sounds like an amazing plan Ms. Evans but you forgot something." Potter's voice pulled me out of my nightmare.
"What is that Mr. Potter?' Lily responded playfully.
"You need to become Mrs. Potter." I wanted to vomit for real, scream and yell at this point. It took every ounce of strength I had not to hex him through the book shelf I was using to spy on the happy couple. NO! She's mine dammit. She is supposed to be with me. Sit on my lap and feed me encouragement and giggles. Not him.
"James, honey, it took me six years to agree to go out with you." She reminded him with a smile.
"We're together now, minor technicality." He shrugged and she laughed. "But first, I have to survive tomorrow."
"How about this." Lily suggested, turning to run a hand through his hair. I wonder if his hair is greasier then mine.
"We will go up into our common room."
"Okay." James agreed almost immediately and she shushed him playfully.
"And you will go upstairs and take a relaxing shower." James opened his mouth to respond before Lily quickly added, "Alone."
I held back a gag as James said, "Shucks" in a defeated tone.
"Then while your cleaning up, I will go upstairs to my dorm and get my hidden stash of Honeyduke's chocolate and my History of Magic notes. And we can go downstairs and cuddle in the front of the fireplace. I will quiz you until you are positive you will ace your test, no matter how long it takes. And depending on what time it is by then, I'll give you one of my special back rubs that you love so much."
James was looking at Lily with so much love and adoration as she was talking, it didn't make me mad. It made me jealous. Jealous that I don't get to look at her like that.
"Have I reminded you today how much I love you?" James told her. But it wasn't playful and goofy like every joke that Potter made. I could see it in his eyes, the truth behind his eyes.
It was obvious, just the way he looked at her that he was dead serious.
"No." Lily shook her head with the quiet whisper.
"I love you Lily. Thank you, for everything you do for me." James whispered and without my sound amplifcation spell, I would have had no hope in hearing this.
"I love you too James. You don't have to thank me. I'd do anything for you." My heart sank at her words. She used to tell me she loved me too, but in her voice, I could hear that they couldn't possibly have the same meanings for me as she had for him. And that broke my heart even more then the idea that my Lily was in love with James Potter.
"Same" He whispered and I closed my eyes with Lily as she leaned her face closer to his. I couldn't watch this. But I could hear it. Their hitched breaths, the gentle caress of two pairs of lips. My lip quivered. Damn sound amplification. I know I shouldn't have watched this conversation, but I missed her.
I missed her smile, her laugh. Her carefree attitude. Just the sound of her voice, without the perkiness of answering a question in class or the venom she soaked her voice with whenever she addressed me.
"James." Lily laughed a moment later and I gently opened my eyes. Lily had her arms around his neck and was pushing him playfully.
"We're in the library."
"So?" James demanded. "Who would watch a bloke with his girlfriend?"
Severus Snape.
"Save it for later." Lily said, cocking one eyebrow mischeviously.
"After we studying and you give me a magnificant, skin melting back massages, can we have a good long snog? The fabulous ones when we're horizontal rolling around like monkeys?" James Potter asked, leaning his face dangerously close to hers. I didn't feel anger or disappointment. By now, watching the love radiate from the two of them, I couldn't feel anything anymore. I felt numb with pain as Lily giggled.
"That's the brilliance of sharing a whole, big empty dormitory with your girlfriend, Mr. Head Boy. No interruptions in our private little home" Lily smiled devilishly, a look I've never seen her use.
"Let's go." James said immediately, jumping off the chair. Lily hopped forward and giggled furiously as James started shoving books into bag. He shoveled them in as quickly and eagerly as he could while Lily just leaned up against the shelf, long and beautiful, looking more like a Greek Goddess then anyone had a right too. James had successfully managed to get all of his belongings in his bag, although papers were sticking out at all angles.
He grabbed Lily's hand in a fury and pulled her towards the exit, both of them about to break out into a run. His chuckles and her anxious giggled disappeared behind them.
The library was quiet for me once again. I slumped against the shelf and slid down it in agony. I love her. She's supposed to be mine. I could hear the Madam Bitch Resident of the Library calling for me, probably with more books to sort.
Worst. Detention. Ever.