A/N: So, lately, I'm obsessed with Star Trek, Spock in particular, and is currently rummaging the Internet for all bottom!Spock fanfictions and doujinshi (in which was a futile search for the latter). I'm currently skimming the ksarchive, will head to AO3 then FFn. Or at least that's what I'll do if this infatuation last that long. Then I decided to write my own fanfic. And as mentioned above, I'm obsessed with bottom!Spock so any Star Trek fanfic I'll post will at the very least be Spock-centric or, in a pairing, bottom!Spock. It's been a long time since I write one, yes. I should've been able to finish this fanfic like days ago but I keep on procrastinating. I have several ideas in store for Merlin too but, as I mentioned, I'm procrastinating. And, the title is taken from Coldplay's song.
English isn't my native language so I'm sorry for any grammatical or spelling mistakes.
Warning: ...nothing in particular. Should be. Well, there probably is but it's off-scene and it'll spill the whole story so... ...it should be harmless though.
Disclaimer: Star Trek isn't mine. ...but I do hope Spock is. :'(
A Sky Full of Stars
He stopped at the door. Someone's here and he's curious to find out who. People rarely comes to the recreational room after all.
He opened the door as silently as he could. And there he was, standing in front of the large window overlooking the space, figure tall and stiff. He couldn't see his face, only his back and poised stance, still alert, both of his hand behind him. No. He's alert, yes, but he's more… relaxed, than usual.
He wondered if he should call him or silently retreated back to the hallway. It was apparently too late for the latter though.
"Captain."
He saw the man turning ever so slightly to see him before turning back to the space beyond. He laughed embarrassedly at being discovered, closed the door behind him.
"Spock", he looks around at the dimly lit room. "Not going to turn on the lights?" His hand reached for the light switch—
"No."
—and stopped.
"Don't. I like this better. The view looks more… stunning."
Well. That was very… un-Spock like. But lately, Spock wasn't really himself anyway.
"I see."
He walked across the room, covering the distance between him and Spock. He stood beside him, looking at the view in silence.
The space outside looked so vast, so tranquil, so… peaceful. They could see some planets, all different blend of colors and sizes, with their moons, some none at all, orbiting them.
"Captain?" Spock asked after some time. He turned to him to find Spock gazing back at him. "What do you think of… the stars?"
He fixed his gaze at the Vulcan in front of him, who had turned back to look outside. His face looked expressionless, controlled, as always. But deep in his eyes, he could see the fur in it, one that never existed before, replacing the courage and determination. He looked back to the space… and see now, the stars shimmering small but brightly, stubbornly, littering everywhere, like diamonds, like light in the darkness.
"Back there", Spock started once again, apparently in a talkative mood, "when they left me after each… 'session', I would be sent back to my… resting place. Surrounded by stone walls with no roof, the night was, needless to say, chilling. Especially so for a Vulcan."
He stayed silent, not sure where Spock is getting at.
"There was little protection from the rain. I would often find myself running a fever after such weather." Spock went silent for awhile. He so wanted to reach out his hand and embraced this strong but hurt Vulcan in front of him but couldn't bring himself to do so. Spock was, after all, in road to recovery. He's not sure if he would be alright with the bodily contact. "But on times it doesn't rain… the sky was bright and clear, and the stars would always be out there, shining ever so brightly. The only thing I could find beautiful in such—such… planet. It was the only thing closest to comfort I could receive. The… hope… that the Enterprise, that you, is still out there, searching for me. When I thought no one would be coming, that all is lost, the stars would always be there, easing me somehow. I know it was sounded illogical but that was… my only relief." He ended with a low voice.
"Oh, Spock…" he looked at the Vulcan sadly. "Can I… Can I hug you?"
Spock tensed. "I—I… can probably handle it, Jim."
With the permission, he closed the remaining distance between them, carefully watching Spock's reaction. Spock flinched slightly when his hand made contact with his face but otherwise did nothing. He then circled his arm around the Vulcan's neck.
"I'm sorry we couldn't come sooner, Spock. I'm sorry you have to suffer so much. I wish I could undone what those… monsters did to you…"
"Jim, you tried your best." He could feel movement in Spock's arm, as if wanting to hug him back but hovered slightly above him.
"But it wasn't enough. What they did to you was unforgiveable. …Inhumane."
The hands finally relented and found their place on his back. "…It was. But I'll be fine. I'll recover."
He loosened the embrace, just enough to look at Spock's face. "Damn it, Spock, you—" he put both of his hands on both side of the Vulcan's cheeks. He saw deep into his eyes, saw the unshed tear there. "Y'know, Spock, it's okay to cry, to let it all go."
"Crying is unnecessary, Captain. It is only a waste of time and energy, therefore, illogical. I am Vulcan, I do not feel, I do not—" he stopped, realizing the wet trail on his cheek. "—cry."
Spock reached his hand to his cheeks, where covering his hand that was stroking the Vulcan's cheek. He frowned, sensing the other's inner turmoil despite not being a telepath himself. It didn't need to take one to see the fear and shock swirling in those dark eyes.
"I apologize, Captain, I—I…" Spock stuttered, "I am—was…?—in control of myself. I—"
"Ssh, Spock." He embraced him once again. "It's alright, Spock, it's alright, there's nothing to apologize for, it's alright to cry, let it all out. You don't have to be ashamed of yourself, it's not your fault, never is."
"No, Captain, crying over something that has been done and has passed is illogical. Even the proverb of your origin, 'It's no use crying over spilt milk', said so", his tone even and blank but still, the tears won't stop.
"No, Spock, the things that have been done to you, it's more that 'spilt milk'. You can't compare it to that." He tightened the embrace, not tight enough to crush the Vulcan, but enough to relax Spock and make him lean entirely to him. Spock sighed, a rare one for him. It wasn't a tired or disappointed one though, a content one. "I think of you."
Spock tilted his head questioningly. "When I look at the stars, be it in my private quarters or the viewer of the captain's chair, when I look at them, I wondered where you are, what you are doing, are you alright, they remind of you."
"Of me?" came the muffled and small reply.
He nodded, knowing Spock could feel the gesture. "They shine, no matter how dim, no matter how bright, no matter how small, no matter how big, no matter if they're alone, no matter if there're tons of them, no matter how the sun shine brighter than them, no matter how dark and alone and cold it is, they still shine."
"You're wrong, Jim, I—"
"Just like you are now, trying so hard to control yourself, to be able to fully function and work again, trying so hard to be back the way you used to…" He inhaled deeply. "You're my star, Spock. You're my light. You have no idea how frantic I was when you disappeared, how I feared and hated the possible scenarios running through my mind of what could have happened to you. I was really afraid." He buried himself deeper on Spock's neck, inhaling Spock's scent, assuring himself that it's real, Spock's real, and he's right here, in his embrace, not on the cold grounds of any planet, not under anyone's mercy, not under the harsh and cruel treatment of any creature, here, warm and safe in his arms, or at the very least, as warm and as safe Spock felt.
They stayed like that for awhile.
"I love you, Spock." He was the first to say it. He's not sure how Spock would react to such… affection, he could only hope for the best.
Spock stiffened, but quickly willed himself to relax. "I—"
"It's okay, Spock. I know you're still traumatized but I just simply wanted to let you know that no matter what has happened, or what will happen, that fact will not change."
"…Thank you, Jim."
~Owari
A/N: I do hope I don't make any of them too OOC? As much as I love Spock, I'm not sure if I managed to write his way of talking well. :') So, yeah, it's a... rape aftermath sort of conversation. I don't intend to make it that at first though. It was simply an excuse for this conversation. :( I just wanted to write something about "To me, Spock is my star." sort of thing. That... kidnapping of Spock turns up later while I was writing... And it's not like I actually put graphic details or anything so I think it's... safe to not put on a warning?
So, anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!
-Kai