"Dust in the Wind" by Lirgren as sung by Sarah Brightman
by Yanagi-sen
Gundam Wing songfic
Usual disclaimers apply.
Warnings: shonen ai, implied violence, minor language
Author's Note: This story takes place the same time as Cost to the Soul.
- TV report -
/ character thoughts /
dream sequence
/Dear Allah, what have we done? / Quatre watched with horror as the first news reports came in. He had been up waiting most of the night for word on Tro and Heero's mission. Now, as that word was broadcast around the world, Quatre literally fell to his knees in shock.
"Yo, Q-kun, wassup? Q-kun? Quatre? WUFEI!" Duo's voice seemed really far away. He could see the braided pilot kneeling beside him out of the corner of his eye. "Quatre, what's wrong?" The Arabian couldn't bring himself to speak, just nodded toward the vid.
-…it has been reported as a terrorist attack, though no one has claimed responsibility as of yet. At this time the death toll is unconfirmed but is believed to number several dozen…-
"K'so! Quatre? Quatre? Can you hear me? Come on man, snap out of it, you're scaring me."
"Maxwell, I was sleeping. What the Hell do you want?"
"Quatre's in shock or something here. I don't know what to do." Duo's worry and concern brushed the edge of Quatre's awareness, but all he could see were the bodies being dug out of the rubble. He sensed Wu coming to kneel on his other side.
" 'Little one', daijoubu desu ka?" Wu gave him a little shake, but he couldn't drag his eyes from the screen. He hated to worry the young Dragon like this, but… Duo and Wufei started to talk quietly, Quatre ignored them.
/How? How could I have made such a huge mistake? All those people…my God… why?…Why? / He bent over, wrapping his arms about him. He felt so cold. The conversation taking place over his head stopped and he felt a soft blanket wrapping around his shaking form. Strong arms slid under his back and legs and then the sensation of being lifted. /Wufei /, his scattered mind processed and he relaxed into the arms of one his mind deemed, 'safe'.
"Turn it off, Duo."
-…sources have stated that the alloy used in building the barracks was not coded for living quart-
"Want help with 'Blondie'?"
"Tro and Heero will need you when they get back, but till then…" The strong arms tightened around the Arab comfortingly. "What about you? You made most of the charges." Quatre could feel Duo settle on the arm of the chair. A warm hand started to rub his back soothingly.
"Hai. But I've seen this type of shit before. It isn't as big of a shock to me as it is to the 'cute one' here. Do you wanna give him something to help him sleep?"
"Iie. I'd rather not, he doesn't like them."
"There room for another in the chair?" It took some shifting, but the end result was Quatre cuddled in their laps, the blanket pulled up over all three of them. The blond closed his eyes, hiding his face in Wu's neck. He suddenly felt so tired.
I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone…
Quatre couldn't escape the horror of what had happened, because of him, because of the mission he'd planned. He could still see the fires burning. The debris laying here and there, where it had been thrown out by the blast. -…reportedly a terrorist attack…- The white sheets covering those bodies already removed. -…death toll unconfirmed…- The frantic scurrying of rescue personnel trying to save the living. The flashing lights. The bodies. -…not coded for living quarters…- The fires burning. -…terrorist attack…- The white sheets stained with blood. -…death toll unconfirmed…- The flashing lights. -…not coded…-
"He falling asleep?"
"I think so." Their voices seemed distant as Quatre sank into the arms of Morpheus.
All my dreams, pass before my eyes in curiosity…
Quatre found himself walking through a thick fog. The air was heavy, as if it was a tangible thing he pushed against. Shadows flickered at the edge of his sight. Darker patches of gray. There was no sound, so smell, no tastes. Just cold, and gray. He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. He could see shapes…movement… but they were gone when he turned. Something danced to his left. He turned to see…himself. He was six. He stood with his father and Anael. It was one of the few times they had ever played as a trio. He remembered, he had been so happy. They had spent the whole afternoon together.
Something else flashed behind him. It was the surprise party they'd thrown for Duo last year. When Quatre had asked when his birthday was, Duo replied that he didn't know. He remembered telling the American to pick a day. The braided pilot thought for a moment, and said, "October 31." When Quatre asked why, he grinned. "It's the Day of the Dead, man." Wu snorted and made some comment like, "Trust Maxwell to pick Halloween." Quatre researched the ancient holiday and they had pumpkins to carve, candy, apples, cider, a birthday cake shaped like the 'Grim Reaper'. He fondly thought of Duo's face when he'd given him his gift. It was a kama, a small hand-scythe, very sharp. It quickly became one of Duo's favorite weapons and he never went on a mission without it.
More and more images appeared. His sisters. His friends. The Maquanacs. All the happy times in his life, flashing before him.
Dust in the wind… All they are is dust in the wind…
Suddenly, all the images, his memories; crumbled into dust and were torn away by gale-force winds that whipped about him. He fought to stay standing. The world spun and he was standing in a desert. The wind-driven sand burned in his eyes and scoured his fair skin. All he could do, was start walking and hope the sandstorm blew itself out.
Wu could do nothing but try to soothe his sleeping love. He murmured softly in Chinese, and tried to massage away the sudden tension in the small shoulders. Duo returned with a cup of tea for the Chinese pilot.
"How's he doing?"
"He's restless. You reach Tro and Yuy?"
"Iie. Couldn't get Lilith either." He flopped down on the couch. "What a shitty night."
"Hai."
Same old song, just a drop of water, in an endless sea…
The desert ended at the edge of a windswept coast. The waves crashed with horrible intensity against the rocks. The winds hadn't let up and continued to buffet him as if he were a small bird. /A sparrow in a hurricane. / He couldn't help but see the irony of the situation. That's how he felt about this war. That no matter how hard he fought against the storm, he was doomed to lose something of himself. He felt something warm run down his cheek. He touched his face. /Tears. / He perched precariously on the rocks, gazing out to sea. But there was nothing but endless water in front, and endless desert behind. He bowed his head to the wind and watched as a tear fell to mingle with the salty water below.
Wu gently wiped away the tear coursing down the ashen face. Duo had turned the vid back on, low so as not to wake the smaller boy. The two of them watched as the events at the base continued to unfold.
All we do, crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see…
Quatre walked along the shore, until he came to a town. The first few houses seemed run down, falling apart. More looked like they had been ravaged by fire. A missing roof. Broken glass. Door hanging lazily by one hinge. The wind howled between and through the ruined buildings. As he watched, one house groaned and then collapsed.
"Hello?… Is anyone here?"
He stood in the town square, surrounded by decaying and crumbling ruins. The wind continued to scream and push him about. Nothing else moved.
"I'm alone."
Quatre mumbled pulling Wu's attention back from the news report. "Wo ai ni." He whispered and lightly kissed the chilled forehead. He frowned and pulled the blanket a little tighter around them.
"The 'cute one' still cold?"
"Hai. He's kinda shocky."
"Not surprising. Good thing we're not close enough for his uuchu no kokoro to pick up on this."
Wu nodded. That would have been a nightmare. He silently thanked the gods that Yuy and Tro had been able to talk Quatre out of going. Judging by his reaction to the vid, if he'd actually been there the small pilot would have been totally incapacitated. What must it be like, to feel another's pain? But also other's joy as well? It would have been so much easier for the boy, if he'd just stayed out of the war. But he accepted his gift/curse as he accepted everything else life had thrown at him, with grace and dignity. It was one thing he loved about the beautiful warrior who had become the center of his being. /Kwan Yin, you who hear the cries of the world. Goddess of compassion, grant your mercy upon this brave soul tonight. For he too hears the cries of those who suffer. /
Dust in the wind… All we are is dust in the wind…
Quatre turned down yet another empty street as he wandered. It was eerie, walking through the bombed out town. The buildings were like empty shells; their darkened, glass-less windows watching him like countless eyes. The wind moaned and whined, sounding like voices just out of the range of his hearing. He could see something moving on the edge of town.
The Arab walked around the last building and stopped dead in his tracks. /Allah… no… / Quatre felt like he'd walked straight into Hell. Flames danced throughout the low building, devouring anything remotely flammable. Bits and pieces of walls, roof, furniture; littered the ground. A small mound off to one side moved. Almost against his will, he picked his way over, morbidly curious.
The comlink in the other room chimed and Duo was up in an instant to answer it. Wufei craned his neck, trying to keep an eye on the braided pilot. He read the relief in his body language and turned his attention back to the 'little one' in his lap. Quatre had been asleep for over an hour, but it was anything but restful.
"They're on their way."
Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever, but the earth and sky…
/It's fabric. / Quatre knelt beside the pile. He couldn't tell if it was moving of its own accord, or being blown by the wind. He reached out to touch it; there was something solid beneath the cloth. He lifted a corner; the wind snatched at the swath, partially ripping it away. Quatre gasped. It was a body. A body so damaged and mutilated that for a moment, his mind refused to actually process the fact that it had once been human. He turned, reaching for the sheet to cover 'it' again, when he felt something grab his wrist. He jerked back as the ruined eyes stared up at him. The mouth opened and 'it' spoke; even though 'it' no longer possessed a throat.
"Why?"
/What a fragile thing 'life' is. I've watched my wife die, my colony and clan self-destruct, countless soldiers defeated by my hand. And all I've learned is that the one constant in this world, is 'death'. Not even the Earth is eternal. All we can do is live each day as if it were our last. You have taught me how to do that again, airen. I cherish each moment I spend with you, and mourn those times when we must be apart. I fear for you, as I have not feared for any before, not even myself. I fear for your spirit, even though I know it is stronger than my own. You regard yourself as weak; I see it sometimes in your eyes. But you are perhaps, the strongest of us. It is these times when we are together, that I am most alive. /
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy…
The small body jerked suddenly and Quatre came awake with a small cry. Duo moved quickly to kill the vid while Wufei simply held the boy tight. "Relax, Quatre. You're awake now. You're okay." Duo came over and knelt in front of the chair putting his arm around the boy as well.
"It's okay, Q-kun. We're both here." Quatre struggled to calm his breathing and slow his pounding heart.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He shook his head. "All right." Wu wouldn't press, for now. When the boy was ready, they would talk.
Quatre's voice was thin and shaky. "Heero…and Tro?"
"They're on their way back, Q-kun. In fact…" The three could hear the rattle of a key in the lock. Duo headed for the door, looking nothing like his usual boisterous self. Quatre struggled to rise as well but Wufei wouldn't let go.
"Please, Wu. I have to make sure they're okay."
The Chinese pilot sighed; he wouldn't rest until he took care of his team, the curse of being a leader. With a small frown he released him. "All right." Quatre got up and walked toward the hall, a little pale and unsteady, but more or less okay. Wu followed and took a good look at the other two pilots. Tro and Heero both had an oddly haunted look in their eyes. Duo would have his work cut out for him if they were going to get any sleep tonight.
"It wasn't your fault." The little blonde's voice was quiet, but certainly steadier than he looked.
Heero put his hands on the slender shoulders, forcing the boy to look at him. "It's not yours either."
Quatre sighed. "I know." Everyone could hear what was left unsaid, 'I know but I don't really believe it.' Heero pulled the blond close and looked at Wu. They exchanged a look of total understanding; both loved and admired this seemingly delicate looking youth. Heero kissed the top of Quatre's head and then followed Duo and Tro upstairs. Wufei hugged their smallest comrade; the Arabian leaned back into the embrace. He herded the boy back into the den and coaxed him to lay down on the couch. Wu didn't ask questions or push for any explanations. He just held his love until his breathing evened out and he fell asleep. /Quatre feels so frail, like he'd blow away in a stiff wind. I'll go see Treize. This has to end, before it destroys all of us. This has to end. /
Dust in the wind… All we are is dust in the wind.
-sin sin, tis done-
As with 'Cost to the Soul', this has been sitting on the hard drive forever. A couple things to keep in mind about these two stories… there is an actual DECLARED war going on, and the base was a MILITARY target. I just see the boys really trapped by a war that has been dragging on far longer than anyone planned, doing things they are not comfortable doing, and trying to deal with the guilt and consequences of their actions…