(A/N A journal from Rei's Point of View. I may add some stuff from Kai later, but for the most part, this is my fun, semi-onesided KaRei. It will be updated as I feel like it, it may or may not receive as regular updates as my other stories, some weeks it might even be updated more.)
Intro:
You won't read this Kai, or at least, I hope you won't, but I...I had to write it down. I had to get it out of my head, and since I can't tell you aloud, I thought I'd try and write out my thoughts. I won't try to make it poetic, I won't try and format it. I'm just going to write what's on my mind. Bits and pieces may be poems. But...for the most part I'm just trying to get my thoughts out on paper. It's impossible to contain them all, any more. I think about you too often, and It was time...
Entry 1:
You're so strong, or you try to be. You always push forward, and you pretend like you don't pay attention to what has happened in the past. You always try and find a way forward. And I admire that about you. But I wish...I wish you'd stop hiding the fact that something in the past has hurt you. Sometimes, I can see it in your eyes...and it hurts me...because, I know I can't help you until you're ready to reach out to me. And that's hard for me. I hate seeing the pain in your eyes, and having to pretend that I don't. Having to pretend that I'm as oblivious as Tyson, when I know that you know that I'm not. When I'm sure that you know that I can see the pain in your eyes. I hate it.
I smile for you, and you push on for the others. You'll carry us onward by sheer force of will. You can be really harsh sometimes, but at the same time, you know when a well placed – and covered – complement is better than a scolding. I admire that, too. Even if the other's don't realize it, I know you care about us, as your team if nothing else. If absolutely nothing else, you want us to be successful so that you can continue onward in your endeavors.
I wish I knew what happened in your past. I wish you would let me in. I wish...you'd let me be the strong one, for once. Sometimes...even you will need to lean on someone, Kai. I hope...I hope that you have someone you are willing to trust that much, even if it isn't me. And...I hope that you know you can trust me.
I'm doing it again...writing as if He will read this one day. Oh well...It doesn't hurt really. And it makes it easier...if I write like I'm trying to talk to him, I think...I'll let it keep going like that, and see what happens.