Did I see? Can I... remember?
I just want to...
Oh, The Cruel, The Cruel! Who, you ask? What? Hush... We can't. We can't speak of it. I can't.. And I can't... I...
I can't see them. My pretties. My only.. my...
I was young, back then. So foolishly young and unredeemably curious. I thought I could encircle the existence itself with my hungry mind. I wanted to know... I wanted to know.
I wanted answers. I didn't care for consequences. Not anymore. Not after...
The pretties! I can see them! With my mind's eyes... No! NOOOO!
No... It was just an illusion. Delusion? I can't seem to grasp it... I have seen! And now.. And now I can't... I can't see. I can't see at all!
The pain.. The pain was unberable... So I had to... I had to... search.
Now I do not feel pain.
I do not feel anything at all. I float at the surface of life. I can't even try to dive. I am immobilized. I am deprived of it. Of everything. What can I? Feel? Have? ...Think?
They have taken all.
I was a broken parody of a man... Or so had I thought before... Before it happened. I didn't believe in gods. Not really. What are they? Just symbols. Empty symbols of two-dimensional sentences. The sun is rising, the evil is shaking. The eye is seeing, the apostates are hiding. The tempest is raging, the peasants are shaking.
I had been broken. And then I searched.
I wanted to know. I didn't believe. What was the point? What is the point? They are nothing... They are truly nothing. They aren't the answers. So they are nothing. How can they be something when they can't even shield their faithful? There had to be something else.
There has to be something else. Something... more?
And I have seen. And now.. And now I can't see.
And they have taken.
They have taken all I had...
For a broken heart there is no sacred thing. No line to far to cross. No arms outstretched enough. They say that it hurts much more than any calamity could ever hope to... They say. Everything to not feel. Everything.
What fools. What endless fools.
What is nothing? No thing? No... meaning? Of what meaning am I?
I am nothing. I am no one.
And I was a broken man.
I had been searching. I had been thinking... And then I saw.
And I have stopped to see.
I was a broken man. Now I am no man at all. My pretties... Just... Just...
It is... incredible. Unimaginable! Impossible! And yet... And yet it is. Has been. And always will be.
I wanted to mend my melody. To stitch it with answers. Or to play the melody of my demise. All I have got are few broken strings...
Pretties...
Memorie..s?
Moments like this...
I just wanted to know. To understand. To see. To see... Even if only once. Even if only for a moment. Regardless the cost.
I desired it... Only it. What more was left for me to desire? They say the greatest curse is to be given what you were asking for.
I just didn't have the imagination. How bitter, bitter flavour. And my pretties have been sweet... And my pretties were sweet...
Just once.. only once... How often are we saying that to ourselves? iJust this one time.../i
And then I have walked the endless roads. Knew the multiple endings. Saw the silver ties... Counted all of the fiery lights.
And my pretties, my pretties...
How am I able to express myself?
Am I?
No, I am not.
Am I?
My pretties... My pretties know.
They know all.
Before the time, before the life, before the death, before the air, earth, fire and water. Before... the existence?
My pretties.
The fool, the fool, the fool! And The Fool.
I have seen... I have seen them once. For a minute? Second? Millenium?
When I awakened, I couldn't dive any more.
I couldn't laugh any more.
And I couldn't cry either.
My pretties... Where are you?
My pretties... What are you?
That I have never known.
You were there. You are there. Million and billions of pretties.
You have always been there. And I am here.
What is the difference between there and here?
I knew how to play your melody. I knew ho to play our melody...
Now I can only float. As a Feather. It's withes are white. As white as... pain.
I have always known, I have always known.
I needed. Did I? I wanted. Did I truly?
How... How do you want a thing?
I do not know anymore if I know any of these.
Or if had ever known. Before.. Now... Always...
A song I remembered. The pretties had sung it to me. Pretty, pretty pretties...
Feel. Can you? I envy you.
And she sees. Or so does she think. If she truly did, she wouldn't have the will to despair.
She would float.
Never to dive.
My pretties...
They speak. They all speak.
He screams.
But they can not be his. they can not be mine. No one can rule them. Never.
Maybe?
My pretties...
He howls. They howl. I hear them too.
And they see them... with their desire.
My pretties, my pretties.
Is it powerful? It brought me to you...
And she morphs.
She changes her shape.
But she will never be one of them.
It is not substance that decides...
My pretties, my pretties.
And he is not one of us.
Neither is she.
And they can't see. And they will never see.
Nor will He.
He will never win, ever, ever, ever. He doesn't KNOW of the pretties.
He can't win his own conscience. He can't win a Moon.
He can't win It.
And my prietties, my pretties! Never to see them again!
And all I want is to see. All I wanted is to see... And seeing things we lose them. And understanding things we break them. And saying words we tarnish them.
And words are irrelevant.
They are, they are...
I knew a melody once.
But now I do not hear anymore.
I do not see anymore.
I do not taste anymore.
I float.
And I want to see... Just once more, just once more.
I want to see.
I NEED to see.
I do not know what lie to believe anymore.
I do not know how to need.
So I want.
I do not know how to want.
So I speak.
iAll I want now is just to see... A glimpse. Just a glimpse.
A little tiny smallest slightest silent spark.
Emotions, emotions.../i
But my pretties won't let me. They never will let me. And I will never let myself either.
i Silent voice, silent voice.../i