(A/N: Title is a working progress...please don't spurn it.)

Disclaimer: I do not own The Host or any of the characters mentioned in this story, except for the ones I created. This disclaimer is also meant for all chapters after the first for I don't make it a habit to put disclaimers in every chapter.

Chapter 1: Realization

Stupid!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

You are the biggest idiot in the world James Stryder! How in the hell did you get yourself into this mess?!

I was moody and I was mentally beating myself up for my stupidity. How I could have let it happen, I'll never know. Hell! I never even thought it's possible...not in the least bit.

But then, one night she starts talking about the Bear people while holding Ian's hand and I suddenly caught myself glaring at their entwined fingers. I envied Ian as his big, calloused hands got to swallow Wanda's tiny, little hands. Ian said something I couldn't hear and then suddenly she starts giggling.

Her little face lit up and she was beautiful.

And suddenly, I was angry. If it had been one of those old cartoons, I'm pretty sure steam would've been coming out of my ears.

I slammed my hands on the table while Wanda was in the middle of a sentence and stormed away, fuming. I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I stormed out of the Mess Hall and I saw Jared holding Melanie back from following me—she looked ready to chase after me. I didn't need that.

"Mel, let him go. He's still going through puberty," I heard Jared say as I walked past.

"That's exactly why--" Mel's protest went unheard as Jared shook his head. She sighed and sat down quietly.

When I was finally out of the Mess Hall, and I was sure no one had followed me, I ran. I ran past the lobby and down the corridor that led to the game room. I definitely needed time for myself.

To think.

I crouched in the middle of the room.

Ugh…Jamie, you are an idiot! Dummy! Stupid! You just had to go and fall in love with Wanda, didn't you?! For every insult to myself, I hit my head with my fists.

If Wanda could see me now...

Damn it...This is gonna be hell.