Practical Joke
Remember when Mal told Simon that Kaylee died? Similar idea—but with a little more "bedroom".
Kaylee/Simon
A/N: This story takes place after Kaylee and Simon get together…but Wash is alive. So alternate universe?
"Simon?"
"Uh-huh?"
He was distracted—as usual. Always busy in the infirmary. I don't know what he did, if one of us ain't broke, there ain't no need to be in there. Right?
"Well, I was wonderin'. What would you say to me penetratin' you with a strap-on?"
"WHAT?" His eyes were all bugged out as he flung around to face me.
"Well, I was talkin' to Zoe and Wash and 'Nara, and Zoe said it was fun, and Wash said it felt good, and 'Nara had the stuff…"
"No!" He paused for a moment. "No!" He was so cute when he was flustered. I felt my face break out into a grin.
"I was just messin' with ya'." I patted his cheek, smiling. I left, him still gaping like a fish.
"He just stood there, mouth so big he could swallow Serenity."
Everyone howled with laughter—Zoe and Wash and Inara and Mal. Wash was on the ground and Mal was wiping his eyes.
"You're psychotic!" Mal sputtered out.
"Yeah—but it's so fun!"