Gwen was slumped in the car, Suzie in the driver's seat on the phone. She could hardly see any longer. She could feel the hole growing in the back of her head, the pain clawing. Holding her head up was nearly impossible and she wanted to throw up. She was barely cognizant of the car moving and could certainly not tell what Suzie was saying. Who was she talking to?
Gwen could see dark around them, feel the car moving. What was happening? Why was she slowly dying like this? Suzie was taking her life away. Gwen could feel that thought through the pain. Suzie was taking her life away as the bullet wound formed in Gwen. Gwen couldn't even move her arms up now, couldn't save herself. She was going to die.
She could hear snippets of what Suzie said.
"…I'd do anything to stay…"
Gwen blinked slowly, looking straight ahead, unable to adequately turn her eyes to the side if she wanted. Her eyes hurt. She wanted to talk, to shout to who ever was on the phone for help. She wanted to defend her self but she couldn't even move. She'd never been shot before and now an invisible bullet was boring into her brain.
"Jack, I'm sorry!" Suzie said and the phone clicked off.
Please, help me, Jack, Gwen thought. Help me, help me. She didn't want to die like this. She didn't want her life packed away, her body in a locker. She couldn't die like this. But this wasn't like a movie where she could find the sudden tool or power or escape route that would help her defeat the villain. She could do nothing and it hurt so much. Gwen began to wonder if she should just stop breathing to make the pain end.
Then the car was stopped and Suzie was suddenly at her door. Gwen wondered how she could move so fast when Gwen felt like taking one step would be the final straw to make her die. The door was opened and Suzie was moving above her. Gwen couldn't tell what was going on. It sounded like Suzie was talking.
"….can you see?"
And she was pulled out of the car, her arm over Suzie's shoulders. Gwen didn't know how she was walking; her head hurt so much. Everything around her was hazy, dim, just shapes before her. It felt like they were moving so fast. She wanted to say 'slow down, let me go,' but she couldn't speak.
Is this how I'm going to die?
"…keep on running, cause he won't hurt us." Suzie was talking to her.
A strangely coherent portion of Gwen's brain wanted to inform Suzie that someone who was nearly dead from a gun shot wound to the head was hardly able to listen to someone speaking as they are being dragged along a pier.
"We'll keep on going, you and me."
Suzie was supporting nearly all of Gwen's weight now as they continued on what felt like miles to Gwen. Each step her body felt like falling but Suzie pulled them on. The pain felt like it was splitting Gwen's skull, two shells of her head about to cleave apart. She could no longer see, barely think, barely breathe. Her body hardly felt real; she was slipping, slipping out of the world around her. The thought of salvation was gone; she was beyond saving. There was red in her eyes, black, she was dizzy and she knew she was dying, dying, dying.
I'm dead.
She fell from Suzie's shoulder, ankles gave way and it was black.
Nothing. It was nothing. There was nothing.
She blinked but she didn't. She looked around her but there really was no around nor was she looking. It was dark, black, it was all ink and yet it was not. It was not black or dark or night or empty because it was nothing. What wasn't there couldn't be empty or dark.
Gwen wanted to cry to scream to be heard but she didn't have a mouth or vocal chords or a body anymore. There was no one to hear her even if she could scream. There were no doors to run to for escape, no legs to run with. There was no ground for her to run on. It was just nothing. Did she even have herself?
But she was thinking, so she must be there. She must be somewhere.
This is what Suzie said…
It was as if she were floating, swimming, flying, and just sitting. She was not actually there, she was nowhere. It was just nothing all around her, inside of her. Gwen felt like she was blank. She was nothing just like where she was. Nothing at all, not even light or dark and certainly not her Gran waiting for her.
Then it moved.
She couldn't see it or hear it but she could feel it. She could feel it like she could feel the living world. She could feel it like she used to feel the ground beneath her feet, like she could feel her own body. Gwen could feel the thing out there. She could feel it and she was afraid. Terror that she never even considered possible coursed through her. She couldn't comprehend any emotion but blinding terror. She had to be calm and breathe but there was nothing to breathe, and it was there. Nothing was between her and it. They were right next to each other and spaces apart. It was moving around and under and over.
All of her thoughts became I've got to get out, I've got to get out, I've got to get out!
Gwen was in nothing, near nothing, alone but not alone. She was so very not alone.
Then air flooded Gwen's lungs and she gasped like she had been drowning. She flailed out trying to grab for something, anything, anything that wasn't just nothing. Arms were around her, real and solid arms. She could feel the warmth and the wind. The sun was on her, concrete was beneath her. She grabbed at the arms around her. After a moment Gwen realized it was Owen holding her, half cradling her in his lap. She touched him grasping over and over. He was there; he was alive; she was alive. She was alive.
She could see again, the pain in her head was gone. The world was around her, the water, the sky, the ground. Gwen wanted to scream to shout to jump up and run. She wanted to run away from the nothingness and the thing in the dark but how could you run from nothing?
All she did was breathe and remember. I am alive. I am alive. I am alive, alive, alive, alive!
Slowly her breathing became calmer. Her body relaxed in Owen's arms. She saw all the solid, living things around her.
Gwen closed her eyes once and when she opened them again she could not remember what had happened after Suzie pulled her out of the car.