Hello party people! This one is sad, I was like in tears writing it... lol...

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious.

It was only one time.
I keep telling myself this as I look in the mirror. I'm wearing a lace black dress and pantyhose. My makeup is scarce, just enough to cover the puffy bags under my eyes from crying, she liked it better when I looked natural. I look at my bulletin board and take the fake pink flower she had taped to my birthday present last year. I tuck it into my purse and take a deep breath. My skin is so pale and I look exhausted, I haven't slept a wink since I found out.

It was only one time.
I should've gone with her, but I had plans with Beck. I thought Vega would've taken care of her, I should've known better. Cat had wanted to go to this kid Ryan's party she asked me to go with her but I had plans with Beck to go to the movies so she went with Tori. According to police reports, around 11pm some kid convinced her to try Oxycontin and Xanax, they told her it'd make her feel really good. She took it with a swig of beer.

I want to know where Vega was during this. Apparently they left around 1:30am and Cat passed out at Vegas house. Tori was going to let her sleep it off but she never woke up. Tori called me that night after they pronounced her dead at the hospital. I bite my trembling lip trying not to cry again. My dad walks into my room, He's wearing a black suit. "Come on Jade, it's time to go."

We drive through the cold November rain and I stare out the window of the back seat. I watch other people drive by and wonder what they're thinking of, I can't believe how the world is still spinning when I just lost a little piece of me. We pull up to the church and walk in, it's packed with her family and friends. I spot her parents and brother at the front, and one row behind is the gang.

Beck is staring straight ahead like a zombie; Andre has tears in his eyes and is holding Tori, who is balling. Robbie is holding Rex crying and I join them sitting beside beck, we exchange looks and he tries to hold my hand which I refuse. An usher comes up to us and the front rows of people head toward the back for the viewing. I stand in line, my head bowed and Beck pressed behind me.

As I approach the door to head in there's a huge collage of Cat's life on a podium, pictures of her from when she was a baby, her precious dimpled smile and brown curls. I glance at her school pictures and see one of us in kindergarten; we're hugging on the playground. I remember that moment and a tear rolls down my cheek. I watch people walk to the casket, some spend a few minutes, some are just paying their respects and moving on.

I approach the casket and look inside. I kneel down on the small bench beside her, she looks so peaceful, like she's sleeping, but she's not quite there. Only her shell is present, the soul and personality that made up Cat isn't. I break down and start quietly sobbing. I run a hand over her cheek, she's so cold. I miss her smile and those dimples. I just want her to wake up; I want to hear that giggle.

I keep hoping this is a dream, that I'm going to wake up and I'll be having a sleepover with her, and she'll roll over, opening her cocoa eyes and smile at me. But I know this isn't a dream or a sleepover and she's not waking up this time. Her red hair is styled down and she's wearing her favourite pink dress. She looks gorgeous in it. I lean down and kiss her on the forehead one last time, "Goodbye kitty Cat." I whisper, "I love you. I'm so sorry."

Warm tears are pouring from my eyes and I stand up smoothing my dress. I start walking out the door but run back, "She can't be gone! Please wake-up Cat!" I'm practically screaming and everyone is staring at me, I'm in hysterics and Beck is trying to hold me back, "I know, Jade, I know." He's crying too. I pull away from him sobbing, "No you don't know!" I yell, "she was my best friend! I'll never see her again Beck! She was everything to me and now she's gone!"

I collapse into a ball on the ground crying, "I didn't even get to say goodbye to her." Beck picks me up and carries me outside as I cry into his shoulder. It's cold out and the breeze makes my tears feel like ice. He puts me down and captures me in a hug; I bury my head in his Jacket hysterically crying. "I need her, Beck." He strokes my head and his voice cracks from him crying, "I know you do Jade, We all do."

We hear the door open and its Cat's brother; he approaches me and reaches in his jacket pulling out Cats giraffe, mister long neck. He hands it to me smiling slightly through his own tears, "She would've wanted you to have this Jade, she really loved you." I hold it close and hug him, "Thank you Frankie, she loved you too, she talked about you all the time." He nods and tries not to cry as he heads back inside.

I hold the giraffe close and it smells of her. Beck puts his hand on my shoulder. "Want to go back in?" He asks cautiously. I turn to him, "I don't think I can, I can't handle this." He takes my hand, "Yes you can Jade, you're strong. We're all here. We'll make it through this together." I know my life will never be the same but I also know I have to be strong for my best friend, I have to do it for Caterina Hannah Valentine. So I take a deep breath and hold Becks hand tight and we walk back in together. R.I.P