This is my first Rizzoli & Isles fic and I'm trying to get a hand of this characters, please be kind :) I have no beta, so all mistakes are mine.
Disclaimers: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles, nor I'm making money from it. Just borrowing to play.
Reviews are greatly appreciated!
"I spent a lot of time alone, you know… I was an only child. It's just that I didn't ask for much...I don't think I really knew how…"
Blur of images and words. Her parents. Loneliness. Childhood. Outcast… then Jane.
"I was just really lost…"
Onslaught of emotions. Fear, insecurity, sadness, despair… then warmth.
"I didn't ask for much…"
New images. Laughter, smiles, peace. Oh, Jane, I want to ask you. Sound of gun being fired, blood, panic… No!
"No!"Maura awoke with a gasp, clutching her hands to her chest. Silent sobs wracked her body. She felt like something made a gaping hole in her soul. Using all her willpower, Maura tried to put a lid on her emotions. After getting a hold of her feelings, she slid out of the bed and went to bathroom. Bright light was painful and irritating. But the most horrifying thing was the image of the person looking back at her from the mirror. Stranger. Another Maura Isles. Broken Maura Isles. When it happened? When I lost all of the control?
She made her way to the kitchen, opened new bottle of wine.
It was almost a week. Almost a week since Jane returned to active duty. Almost one week since the careful constructed wall around Maura's emotions broke. Almost one week since she told everyone that she's going to visit her parents and she won't be in town for a week or so.
And now she's hiding from the word, trying to fight with her demons. And loosing this battle. She feels like she's standing on the brink of insanity. Well, as a doctor, she already diagnosed herself. PTSD. Maura perfectly knows that this is the result of Jane shooting herself. She knows that all of this rapidly turning into major depressive disorder or simply clinical depression. The symptoms started right away – anxiety, anger, and avoidance of the subject. Maura managed to push all of them to the background by solely concentrating on Jane's recovery. The first day the Detective went to work the nightmares started. Next day Maura took some time off. Jane didn't understand. And Maura knew that her friend didn't believe her story about visiting her parents. First couple of days she called. But doctor cut all of their conversations to simple 'hi-I'm fine-how are you'. Then Jane stopped calling.
Maura clutched the wine glass harder. She felt like emotions were slowly consuming her. She wanted so much to tell Jane. To explain. But how I can explain without saying that I can't look at her because I know she would never be mine? How I can tell this to my best friend?
She sank to her knees. It can't go on like this… Either way I'll lose her… That thought snapped her out of the fog she was drowning in. Either way…
Maura jumped to her feet, grabbed her car keys and not bothering to change clothes she flew out of the door. There was only one destination on her mind. The only person who could help her not to drown.
Jane was sitting on her couch and talking to her phone. Maybe she consumed too much beer or maybe she was just going crazy. Maybe both. But this one sided conversation didn't bother her at least.
"Fine. I'm not gonna ask you to ring. Just one tiny message. Just one. Is it so hard? I agree to something simple as 'Hi. I'm alive. Love you too.'" She grumbled and downed the rest of her beer. The phone was still silent. Just as Jane was about to start another sentence there was a loud knock on the door. She glanced at the clock. "What the hell?"
"Jane, it's me."
Detective flew from the couch and yanked the door open. What she saw made her freeze in place.
"God, Maura, what happened?"
Medical examiner didn't answer right away; she just stepped into the apartment and stared intently at Jane, who in turn started panicking a little.
"You're scaring me, Maur."
Doctor took a deep breath and looked squarely into Jane's eyes. "Once you said that you'll do anything if I ask. Is it still true?"
This question threw the detective a little. "Um… Yeah, I remember… What's this all about?"
Maura was slowly invading Jane's personal space. "If it still true, then I need something." She took one more step. "I need you."
Jane could only stare. Her mind was spinning from doctor's closeness. "I'm here, Maur. You know it."
Another step. "No, Jane. I need you. Tonight."
"Oh… I…"
The kiss was rough. It lasted until oxygen became an issue. Jane looked at her friend. "Are you sure?"
Maura grabbed detective by the shirt and shoved her in the direction of the bedroom. "Shh… No talking tonight. Please…" Jane's answer was swallowed by another kiss. The clothes were roughly discarded. There was only raw passion, primal need that night. Without tenderness, without foreplay and anticipation, without words…
Rays of the morning sun woke peacefully sleeping detective. Jane stretched and turned to look at her sleeping companion only to find cold, empty sheets. Only a piece of paper graced the pillow. She took it with shaking hands. It said only one word. 'Sorry'. At first she felt like someone stabbed her in the heart, then anger took over.
"Oh no, you're not getting away this easily, ."
It was too late when Maura remembered that Jane had a spare key to her house. Her front door was opened and shut with violent force. Then one very pissed off Jane Rizzoli stomped into the living room. She threw the note in Maura's direction.
"Care to enlighten me, Doctor Isles?" She didn't pause to listen for an answer. "Sorry for what exactly? Huh? Can you give me a reasonable explanation for your behavior this past week, or at least last night, or just THIS morning?" With each word the medical examiner shrank deeper and deeper into the couch. "Tell me!" When Maura started crying Jane's anger deflated like balloon. She knelt in front of her friend and whispered "Why did you leave?"
Maura slid to the floor next to the Jane. "I was losing my mind. Every day after your shooting I felt like I'm coming apart… And then those nightmares… And you went to work and all this feelings came crashing on me… And I… I-I needed to be close to you… I co-uldn't s-stop myself…" She was sobbing now. Jane cradled Maura's face in her hands and repeated only one question "Why did you leave?"
The answer was so quiet that Jane hardly heard her "I thought you would hate me." Her voice was laced with so much insecurity and pain that Jane felt like it laced through her very soul.
"I would never hate you, Maura. I love you too much to hate you." She put her hands around Maura and hugged her close. "Even after your stunt this morning." Maura welcomed this embrace; she clutched to Jane's shirt and hid her face in the crook of the detective's neck. Than something clicked in her mind. "What d-do you me-an you love me?"
Jane groaned pitifully. "God, I thought you were a genius. I mean I love you as in I'm in love with you, as in I'm ready for an U-Haul and as in before next round of mad sex I'm taking you to official date."
"What U-Haul?"
"Really? I'm babbling like an idiot about how I'm madly in love with you and you're registered only words about U-Haul?"
"You're madly in love with me?" it was asked with such awe. Jane groaned again.
"This is ridiculous. Yes I am. Next question what are we gonna do with all of this?" she waved her hand around them. It snapped Maura out her haze.
"I don't know, Jane. I'm really scared… What if you'll get tired of me and leave? Everybody does."
"First of all – I'm NOT everybody, second of all – how I can get tired of you? You're hot and sex is mind-blowing. Seriously, Maur, you're stuck with me."
"I love you, Jane. But are you sure that I'm what you need?"
Jane looked at Maura with so much tenderness and love in her eyes that doctor's heart skipped a couple of beats. "You the person I want, the person I need. You understand me, you challenge me, and you complete me. So, yeah, I'm sure." Medical examiner hugged Jane with such force that they tumbled on the floor. "So, no more angst and sneaking out of the apartment, deal?"
Maura smiled happily "Deal." then she remembered something "Umm… if I make some breakfast would it count as the first date?" Jane could only blink, and then it dawned at her. She got up from the floor and smirked at doctor. "To hell with the first date. 'Cause your see-through top driving me crazy." Maura laughed and wink at Jane "See you in the bedroom!" Detective didn't need more encouragement.
This time there won't be any hurry. This time they would savor their love. This time it would a celebration of new beginning.
So, tell me what do you think?