What is this? A story? Yes, yes it is! It's just a little something that struck me this holiday season, but I couldn't get it out of my head. I decided I might as well brush up my dormant writing skills. I hope you enjoy.
As always no copyright infringement intended.
Note: Download or listen to the song at the beginning to get the feel for this little story. Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley.
~Blue Christmas~
Chapter One
"I'll have a blue Christmas, without you."
"I'll be so blue just thinking about you."
"Decorations of red and green on the Christmas tree."
"Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me."
"And when those blue snowflakes start falling."
"That's when those blue memories start calling."
"You'll be doing all right, with your Christmas of white."
"But I'll have a blue, blue blue blue Christmas."
Edward swirled the amber liquid around his glass as the ice clinked against the side. He stared out the window at the dark night while Elvis Presley played over the radio. Though it was already December 22, it was the first snow of the season and he could see the traffic lined up in the streets below. His high-rise apartment on 5th Avenue provided a spectacular view, one he worked hard for. Yet, now it seemed insignificant as he stared into the dark cold night.
He flushed back the last of his glass in one fell swallow and strode to the bar for more.
It was three days before Christmas and he felt the same as he did every year—tired, alone and blue.
Just like the song.
He sighed as he reached over to turn off the radio. He didn't mean to turn it on, he just happened to flip on the radio when he walked in the door. He wouldn't knowingly listen to Christmas music. He wouldn't subject himself to that kind of torture.
It would only make him think of her, and he couldn't bear to. Because he had a blue Christmas every year since she walked out of his life. It was his fault. He was always too busy, too focused, too scared to tell her how he really felt.
Until she left and he never had the chance.
Edward shut off the light feeling the chill of his cold apartment. As usual he returned home from the office late and didn't have time for dinner. It didn't matter. His only companion was the amber liquid anyhow.
As he walked to his bedroom he could both feel and hear the eerie silence. Placing his watch and his glass on the nightstand he caught a glimpse of her picture. Her smile was vibrant and her expression carefree—knowing she had her whole life ahead of her.
His eyes traced her laughter-filled face and followed to his own expression, one of awe, love and pure and unwavering devotion. He always loved the picture because it was the only one that truly showed how he felt. Although, she never saw it and she never knew it, circumstances kept him from telling her all those years ago.
Edward's body ran cold as he shifted out of his clothes and into his sheets. The picture showed a man long ago, a man who wasn't the Chief Financial Officer at a huge technology company, a man who wasn't responsible for thousands of employees, billions of dollars and didn't have the weight of the world on his shoulders. That was a man who still went home for holidays and kissed his aunt on the cheek. That was a man who kept in contact with his best friend from college and toured Europe for the summer because he was young and had no responsibilities.
He still recalled their parting words after their trip. All his life he had the ability to hold a room of board members at his mercy. But with her, he became tongue tied and captivated and he couldn't say the words.
He couldn't tell her how much he loved her, how much he wanted her to be his.
"I'll see you next summer. Promise me you'll be there." She begged as her big brown eyes held his gaze.
"I promise."
"Don't lie to me Edward, I know you're going to Harvard Business School, but don't be a stranger."
"I promise." He laughed and bumped her shoulder, disguising his need to touch her with his joking expression.
"I'm so excited. Berkeley's going to be so rad." She sighed dreamily. He knew she would be great some day. Her writing was fantastic.
"It will Bella, I'm sure it will."
"Promise."
"I promise."
"Do you love me?"She blinked her eyes jokingly and he laughed before he took a deep breath.
"I do." More than you know, he thought to himself.
"Cool. I love you too." She grinned and kissed his cheek and then turned to take Rob's hand. And without another word, he turned for his own gate.
Edward stared at the ceiling. Rob was just the flavor of the month, just one of the many who wouldn't be worthy of her. No one was worthy of Bella, not even him.
He turned over and spread his arms around his cold pillows, knowing he had to rise again in only a few hours. Four A.M. would come quickly, and he prayed his night of sleep would as well.
But as he drifted off all he felt was the suffocating loneliness of his dark apartment, his cold bed, and his empty arms.
*&^%$#
"Edward we need these numbers run for the meeting tomorrow."
"Yes Aro."
"I don't like the way Gavatron's projections look. We need to find a competitive advantage."
"Well that's not my job, I—"
"Just get me the numbers."
Edward sighed as he set his glasses on the desk and looked up. "Yes, I will have the numbers for tomorrow's board meeting."
"Good, and Edward, go get some coffee or something, you look like shit."
Aro shut the door behind him, and it took everything in Edward's power not to throw a paperweight at him.
It was eleven in the morning, and he'd been buried in the quarterly reports since he arrived at the office at six. He decided to take a break and listen to his asshole uncle for once. He cursed his position every day. He should feel lucky to be in the position he was in at the age of thirty-four. But while he was pouring over bank records and income statements, his friends were attending their sons' baseball games and their daughters' dance recitals.
But he couldn't dwell on that now. Not with the remainder of a sixteen hour day ahead of him.
"Angela, I'm going down for a hot dog, would you like anything?"
"No Mr. Cullen, but thanks for asking."
His dutiful assistant smiled at him sympathetically as he stepped into the elevator. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as his dreams from the night before danced behind his lids.
He wondered what Bella was doing on this crisp winter day. Was she sitting at a coffee shop in London, engrossed in a book without a thought to the passersby. Or was she basking in the sun in California? Just likes she was on their first day of classes at Princeton.
"Dude, this place is crawling with chicks. Man I love college." Edward laughed at his roommate, a southern kid who earned a baseball scholarship.
They turned the corner for the English building when he caught sight of a vision. She was sitting on a picnic table, turning her head toward the sun as though she didn't have a care in the world. Her face was serene, and she looked like a statue amongst the throngs of college kids sprinting to class around her.
"Oh hey, that girl lives on our floor. She's cool as shit, I met her when we were moving in." Before he could say a word, Jasper, his roommate, was off to talk to her.
"Hey Bella, right?" He asked.
"Hey Jasper, what's up?" Her long brown hair flipped in the breeze. She had a cool vibe about her from her patterned sundress to her retro shoulder bag.
She smiled and the usually confident Edward turned to mush in her gaze.
"Hey this is my roommate Edward. Edward this is Bella."
"Nice to meet you." He held out his hand and felt the warmth of hers as they connected. An overwhelming current raced through his body and his insides turned to knots.
"Edward. Sweet name. It's like you're straight out of a Jane Austen novel or something." She joked.
Edward stood tongue-tied and unable to think straight as she bent over to grab her bag. Her long toned legs stretched for miles, and he had to shake his head.
"Hey Bella, I heard about a party at the Phi Kap's house on Friday. You want to go?"
"Sounds rad. Sure I'm in." She shrugged. Her eyes glanced to Edward's and the two held each other's gaze.
"Cool." Jasper said and grabbed her bag, breaking their eye contact and turning her to walk ahead of him.
Little would he know, that was the beginning of Bella and his friendship.
Jasper, Mike, Jacob, Rob. Edward watched them all come and go from her life, never able to tell her he wanted to be in their place. Instead, he played the devoted friend. He provided the shoulder she cried on when Mike cheated with her roommate Jessica, when Jacob left school to "travel" and Jasper broke her heart for the fifth time they went back to one another. He was the one who knew she missed her mother dearly, she adored her brother Ben, even though he lived thousands of miles away in California, and she hadn't spoken a word to her father in over ten years.
He was the one who stayed up late to help her study for her general ed math class and argued philosophy and politics over coffee. He was the one who picked her up from outside her door at 3:00 in the morning when her roommate locked her out. He was the one who knew Christmas was her favorite time of the year, and even though she couldn't celebrate with her mother anymore, neither could he. Instead, he always planned something special for them to celebrate the holiday.
He was the one.
And that was why he couldn't bear Christmas now.
Every time he got close, every time he almost had the guts to tell her how he really felt, she went back to Jasper, or found some new guy at a book reading who was "totally rad", and he'd lose her once again.
The elevator dinged for the ground floor, and Edward pulled his coat up around him as he stepped outside. He could hear the bell ringers and see the stores down the block lit up with Christmas lights. The tree at Rockefeller center stood in all its glory and only reminded him further of how alone he was this holiday season.
He jogged down the block to his favorite hot dog stand. The snow from the night before had been cleared from the sidewalk, and the sun was now shining brightly and reflecting brilliantly off the buildings and icicles.
"Edward. How are you today son?"
"I'm great Giovanni and you?"
"Good, good. Your usual?"
"Of course." Edward smiled as he pulled a few bills out of his wallet and handed it to the man.
"It's a joyous day isn't it Mr. Edward. I love Christmas." Giovanni's thick accent curled around the words as he gestured to the large Christmas tree hovering over their spot on the sidewalk.
Edward put on a fake smile and nodded his head at Giovanni. Unfortunately he couldn't agree.
He took a bite of his lunch and turned to walk back to his building when a familiar mane of dark hair caught his eye. His lunch stuck in his throat as he looked across the street at her. She had her head tipped to the side as she gazed up at the tree.
It couldn't possibly be her.
But it was. He knew it was her.
He swallowed his bite and quickly ate the rest as he crossed the street. He stopped just short of where she stood and took her in. Her hair still hung to her mid-back and she wore boots over her jeans. Her ivory coat hung to mid thigh, but he could tell she was still as trim and alluring as ever.
Then he noticed the dark pink beret perched on her head. He recognized that beret. He had given it to her their last Christmas before she left for Oxford six years ago. The same Christmas when he could have sworn she wanted him to ask her to stay, but he just couldn't say the words.
"It's raspberry Edward, my favorite!"
A memory crashed into his mind as he stared at her, Bella dancing in her apartment in nothing but boxers and a tank top on. He knew she loved Prince and that song was her favorite, which was why he had given her the raspberry colored beret several years later.
He loved her in those boxers, his boxers.
As he drew closer he sucked in a deep breath to speak, but then let it out just as quickly. His heart plummeted and felt like it was ripped in two.
On her arm, was a little girl with dark brown hair and creamy skin.
Her hair, her skin.
His mind raced at the sight. Of course she would be taken. Of course she would have a child, a daughter. Of course…because she could never be his.
Alas, he realized he was right behind her and he couldn't move from his spot any easier than he could say her name. Swallowing, he stepped forward, knowing he couldn't pass on talking to her after not seeing her for almost six years.
"Bella?"
She turned, and her face drew into a spectacular smile. But he felt her arms engulf him and smelled her delicious scent before he could completely take it in.
"Edward! Oh my God it's been so long!" She shrieked and he couldn't do anything but smile as he wrapped his arms around her. She fit just as perfectly in his arms as she always had. His entire body was on fire, and just as it rose to an impossible flame it began to dissipate when she pulled away.
Bella put her hands on his face, amazed at seeing him after all this time.
"Edward, I can't believe it's you." She smiled wistfully and stamped down the emotions that threatened to flood into her.
"I know. How've you been?" He asked still holding his arms around her and staring into her dark brown eyes.
"Mimi, who's that?" The little girl came up just then and tugged on Bella's arm.
"Sadie, this is my good friend Edward. Can you say 'hi'?"
"Hi Edward." The little girl blushed, and Edward couldn't help but smile at her similarity to Bella.
"She's beautiful Bella." Edward said thickly as he looked back at her. Bella smiled and nodded, but then realization dawned on her.
"Oh wait she's not—"
"Sadie? Bella?" A dark haired man walked over holding three hot dogs and drinks.
Edward suddenly couldn't bear to be faced with the happy little family. He couldn't see that she was really gone, that he had no hope of ever being in this man's place.
"I should go, but it's been great to see you Bella." He smiled and nodded to Sadie as he turned on his heel to leave. He felt his throat and his heart constricting. He needed to just get back to the confines of his office, his numbers and bury himself in his business.
"Wait! Edward!" Bella ran after him, noting his abrupt departure. "We should have coffee or something." She said breathlessly.
"I don't want to interrupt—"
"You won't be interrupting." She cut him off.
"I have to get back to work." He gestured to the high rise holding his corporation's headquarters.
"Of course, your uncle's company, I should have known…" She trailed off as she looked up at the building and back at him.
He looked over at the man and the little girl. He didn't know if he could meet her. It would only twist the knife in his heart a bit more.
But the pull to see her again was taking over.
"Please, it's been so long." She implored him again.
"Ok, just stop in when you get a chance." He knew he would be at the office all day the next day as well, even though it was Christmas Eve.
"Ok." She reached out and squeezed his hand.
He reveled in the warmth of her gloved hand. Without another word he turned to walk back to his office.
*&^%$#
"Oh the tree is so beautiful." Bella whispered.
They were back in the lodge after a long day on the slopes. Edward decided for their last Christmas before Bella left for England to do something grand. He rented a suite at a Vermont Inn, just like the one in her favorite movie, White Christmas.
"I'm going to go up and change. Meet me back here for dinner in an hour?" Her dark eyes shined in the lights, and he simply nodded.
Edward drew a deep breath as he watched her walk away. Today was the day he was going to tell her. He would finally admit how much he loved her, that he had always loved her, that it had only ever been her. He was torn though. Ever since she was offered a position at Oxford, he felt horrible for bringing it up now. After all this time. She had worked so hard for her Ph.D. and now she had the opportunity of a lifetime. How could he ask her to stay back? But how could he continue to just be her friend and pretend he didn't feel more for her.
Edward strode over to the bar and waited patiently with a glass of Cognac. His uncle had him stuck on the drink, or rather insisted on it every time they had a business dinner. He learned to enjoy it and now all he drank was the amber liquid.
After his second glass, he turned to the stairs and his breath caught at the sight of her. Her long hair was down around her shoulders in full, thick curls. The charcoal grey sweater dress she wore clung to her every curve. She was breathtaking in the light of the fire and the tree.
They sat down to dinner and settled into an easy conversation. As they always did. Suddenly there was a lull, and Edward peered at Bella over his wine glass. She was staring at him intently, almost asking him to say something. But what? He didn't know.
"What are you thinking?" He finally asked.
She dropped her eyes and her fingers fiddled with her wine glass.
"Do you ever just wish you could turn back time?"
"Sometimes. I guess with certain things. Why?"
She sighed and her eyes turned to the fire. He could see the orange and red flames reflecting in her chocolate pools.
"Just thinking," she paused "about my Mother. I miss her so much this time of year. I wish I had more time with her, that I had told her I loved her more before she died. That I had told her how I really felt…" She trailed off and then looked back at him.
He swallowed. Was she really talking about her mother, or something else? He couldn't be sure.
"I know what you mean." He whispered. It was the thing that bonded them most. They both lost their mothers to breast cancer while in high school. But he didn't think that was what she was talking about right then.
"Do you?" She asked, her eyes entreating his.
Edward opened his mouth to answer when he suddenly heard a voice.
"Edward!"
He turned to find his ex-girlfriend, Heidi, strolling toward them. She was one of the many he simply passed the time with while he pined for Bella. She was a striking woman, smart, affluent and was the daughter of one of Aro's best friends. But she wasn't Bella.
As she walked up to them, he saw the look in Bella's eyes fade as she reached for her wine glass. He knew at that second his chance had slipped away yet again.
Edward stood again at his window that night. All of the memories of his time with Bella were rolling through his mind like a giant screen play. The next day he had driven her to the airport to board her flight to London. They hardly spoke. An uneasy tension had settled between them, and as he hugged her good-bye and watched her board the plane he realized he would never be whole without her, and that he had made the biggest mistake of his life. But he simply didn't know how to take it back.
He kept seeing the memories in his mind's eye. All of the chances he had to tell her how he felt, all of the times they laughed and joked together, all of the times she cried and he comforted her, and when she did the same for him.
She was the only one who knew how he felt beholden to his uncle. Aro had taken him in after his mother died. He never had a good relationship with his father after his parents split when he was ten. His mother's brother appeared the better choice at the time. But for some reason, Aro always seemed to hold it over his head, and it became expected that Edward would go to college—the college that Aro went to and paid for—and business school, and eventually work his way up in his company.
She was the only one who knew he wanted to start his own publishing company and combine his love for books with his love for business. It was the same love for books that initially drew them together. In his dreams he pictured them together, building the company. She had the eye for the talent and he had the business sense.
The cold sweat of his glass brought him back to the present as it dripped over his hand. Another gloomy night, another night alone, another blue Christmas.
Edward walked to his couch to sit down and contemplate what he had seen that afternoon. She seemed so happy, she was always happy. She was the brightness to his gloominess. She was the optimist to his pessimist. She was the free-spirited hippy to his conservative, practical self.
They were yin and yang, and he had spent too long without his other half, even if it was just as friends.
Edward stood up and walked to the bar where he set his phone. They hadn't spoken in a year before he saw her today. He hoped her number was still the same. As he scrolled through his contacts he couldn't help but notice that he hadn't spoken to any of his friends in so long. He let his uncle control him, work him and push him to the point that he had no social life. He didn't even have girlfriends to distract him from Bella because he didn't have time for them.
As he came to her name, he sucked in a breath before he dialed the number. The liquid courage in his system surely helped his efforts.
After several rings it clicked over to voicemail and Edward had to decide whether to leave a message or simply hang up.
"This is Bella. I'm not available at the moment, but I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Merry Christmas!"
Her sweet voice carried through the phone, and before he said a word he clicked "end" on the screen.
A part of him felt bad and another felt a bit revived at simply hearing her voice and cheer about the season. He looked around his stark apartment and realized he didn't have anything denoting the holidays. For the first time in years he had an interest in changing that.
Edward quickly changed from his work clothes into a pair of jeans, a sweater and his winter coat. He dug his old hiking boots out of the back of his closet and set off to find the nearest tree lot. He didn't know if there would be any left, or even where to begin looking in Manhattan, but he was going to put up a tree for the first time since he could remember.
He walked up Fifth Avenue noting the sites and the sounds buzzing around him. The air was fresh from the recent snow and the lights of the city sparkled. Finally a few blocks away he found a small vendor.
He perused the tight confines of the lot until he came upon a small tree. It was perfectly round, only about four feet high, but easy enough for him to take back to his apartment. As he bent over to pick it up, a shadow swept across him.
"You're just now getting a tree?" A soft voice whispered in his ear.
Edward whirled around to find that same beautiful smile and raspberry beret facing him.
"I am." He said, but then decided to be more forthcoming. "It's the first time I've bought one in five years."
"Are you kidding? Why?" She asked incredulously.
"I haven't had much to celebrate." He shrugged.
"But it's your favorite holiday." She stared at him open mouthed, and he noticed the gloss on her lips calling to him.
"It was my favorite, until…" He trailed off.
The two stood staring at each other for a moment when a light breeze blew one of her long dark hairs across her face. Edward removed his glove and then, without thinking, reached up to brush it away.
Bella's eyes fluttered closed at his touch. She had missed it so much, missed him so much. If he only knew why she was back in New York. But she couldn't tell him, she could never tell him because she was afraid of the rejection. Edward was her best friend, but always something more.
Though she was sure he never felt that way about her.
"Bella?" Edward dropped his hand at the sound. The same man Edward saw earlier in the day called to her from across the lot and eyed them peculiarly.
"I better go. Sadie's itching to get the tree up." She said quietly.
Edward nodded and stepped back. He watched as Bella walked up to the man and the girl again. The girl was dancing around excitedly as the man rolled his eyes at her and Bella laughed. Edward smiled at the sight. If he wanted to be back in her life in any way, he could at least be happy for her.
He grabbed his tree and walked up to the checkout. The old woman behind the makeshift cash register looked at him intently.
"What's a handsome young man like you doing here picking out a tree all by yourself?"
Edward laughed. "I'm afraid it's just me this Christmas."
"That's too bad. Nobody should be alone at Christmas." The woman paused noting how Edward's eyes followed Bella's form down the street. "What about your lady friend?"
His eyes snapped back to hers as he was startled from his thoughts. "My lady friend?"
"That pretty girl there. You know, they say love is blind. Well I say sometimes those loved are blind." She prattled in her thick New York accent.
Edward thought for a moment about what the woman was saying.
She couldn't mean…
"But anyhow, what do I know?" She waved her hand dismissively yet looked at him out of the corner of her eye.
He paid for his tree, and then carried it back to his apartment. He knew somewhere in the back of his hall closet was a box of decorations. Once the tree was in place he dug to the back to find a small box. Of course it had Bella's handwriting on it, as she had helped him move so many times.
He opened the box and was again flooded with memories.
"Christmas colors aren't blue?"
"I know, but I like blue." He didn't want to tell her it was because she looked exceptional in blue.
"Fine, then you have to really make it dazzle. Here's some silver tinsel, this will look rad with it." She walked excitedly down the aisle, and Edward had to hide his smile at her retreating form.
Edward pulled out the white lights and strung them up on the small tree. Next were the silver strands of tinsel and finally the blue ornaments he picked out all those years ago.
Once he finished, he sat back with a glass of amber and admired his tree. It was the only light in his apartment but it seemed to light up the expanse of the vast space.
And for the first night in a long time, he didn't feel so blue.
*&^%$#
"Good morning Mr. Cullen, can I get you anything?"
Edward looked up from the pile of records on his desk.
"A cup of coffee would be great, thanks Angela."
His assistant quickly stepped out and returned with a steaming cup of joe, his fourth of the morning.
She eyed him as he persistently dug through the records. It was the same sight every day, Edward in his office buried in papers, pencil and calculator in hand. He could use expensive programs and computer software but he still chose to do most of his work the old fashioned way. He was such a nice guy; she could never understand why he hadn't settled down. In fact he never even mentioned women or seemed to date.
Angela suddenly wondered if her sister-in-law would be interested in meeting him. She had recently ended her tumultuous marriage and was moving back to New York. She didn't really want to play matchmaker with her boss, but she felt so bad that he was always alone, especially at this time of year.
Maybe just one hand wouldn't be a bad thing. Angela just wanted everyone to have what she had with Ben.
"Mr. Cul—I mean Edward, do you have any plans for Christmas?" She asked tentatively as she set down his coffee.
Caught off guard by her question, Edward tried to decide how to answer. "Um, not really, but that's okay…" He quickly looked at his watch noting it was 10:00 in the morning and wanting to avoid this line of questioning. "Actually if you want to head out after lunch Angela feel free. You should spend the rest of the day with your family."
She knew he was avoiding her, but she decided to be just a bit more persistent. "I know it's last minute, but maybe you would like to join us? My sister-in-law is in town, and she'll be joining us too."
Edward thought for a moment. He didn't know what Angela was playing at, but he had a sneaking suspicion.
Angela could tell he was wavering and decided to push a bit. "I'll have more food than I know what do with, please, it would be nice to have the company." She smiled and Edward finally gave in.
"Thank you Angela, I would love to come. What time are you expecting to have dinner?"
"We usually eat at 3:00. So we'll see you tomorrow then?" She said, trying to tamper her excitement.
He simply nodded and Angela walked out, pleased at her endeavor.
She quickly dialed her husband to let him know the news and to have him pick her up since she was able to leave early.
Edward pondered the commitment he just made. It really would be nice to have Christmas with others this year. Angela had only been his assistant for a little under a year. He didn't know her family, but he could only assume they were as nice as she was.
Before he could think much further, he heard a knock at the door.
"You shouldn't be working on Christmas Eve, it's bad for the soul."
Edward's eyes lit up as Bella stepped inside his door. Her face was flushed from the cold outside, and her eyes were sparkling.
"Are you saying I'm soulless?" He joked.
"Never." She laughed, but he caught the serious undertone in her voice.
"I wasn't expecting you until this afternoon for some reason." He shook his head.
Bella smiled her radiant smile, and Edward could feel himself responding in turn. "So how about lunch, a full meal instead of coffee?"
"Great. Let me just let my assistant know I am heading out."
Edward grabbed his coat and led Bella back out of the office. He stopped to tell Angela that he was leaving but noticed she had already left for lunch.
"So where are we going?" Bella asked as she linked her arm through Edward's and stepped into the elevator.
Edward tensed at their close proximity. In the confines of the elevator, her body was snug against his and he could smell her shampoo. It was the same scent from when they first met.
"What are you in the mood for?"
Bella looked up at him, also feeling their close proximity. Tension cut through the air with her best friend. She couldn't help but wonder if he could feel it too.
Edward drew in a breath and fought back the urge to press his nose to her hair.
"How about this great deli I know around the corner?"
"Sounds great." Bella said breathlessly.
She could feel herself leaning in. Their eyes were boring into one another's, and it seemed way too hot for December in the elevator.
But just as quickly as it began, the tension faded when the elevator dinged, signaling their stop.
Edward tore his eyes from Bella's and stepped out of the elevator. The cold of the lobby and the breeze blowing in from outside chilled him.
Edward led the way down the street as Bella quietly walked beside him. They were both lost in their thoughts, unsure what to say.
As Edward started to cross the street, he glanced to his left and stopped short. The hairs on the back of his neck rose, and he instantly became angry.
There, on the sidewalk parallel to them was his assistant Angela and the man he had seen with Bella.
They were kissing.
How dare he? Wasn't he her husband?
And with his assistant?
How did they know each other?
Edward didn't know whether to cross the street and deck the man or shield Bella from his obvious disrespect of her. Instead he stood frozen on the sidewalk.
Bella couldn't see beyond Edward but was concerned at his abrupt stop and the all too telling look of anger on his face.
"Edward? What's wrong?"
He turned to her with a fire in his eyes she had seen many times. Every time one of her previous boyfriends screwed her over she would have to all but restrain him from beating them to a pulp.
He swallowed, and his eyes immediately became guarded again.
"Nothing." He grabbed her arm again and turned her in the opposite direction. "C'mon."
He knew he wasn't taking her on the most direct route to the deli, but he didn't know how to tell her that her husband was just kissing another woman—his assistant no less! Not only did he have to hide it from Bella, but how would he face Angela?
Bella sighed, resigned to the fact that Edward wasn't going to tell her what was wrong. He was always so guarded, and it was the reason she never knew, after all these years, exactly how he felt about her.
Lunch was tense. The pair chatted about small things, their work, places they traveled in the last few years, but never anything deeper. Edward had obviously been focused on work and nothing else, and Bella was a full-time professor at Oxford. She wanted to tell him that she was offered a tenured position, but she was giving it up to move back to New York to move away from her failed marriage, and that she knew, deep down inside, it was because of the feelings that she harbored for the man before her.
Meanwhile, Edward couldn't help but eye the white circle on her left finger. The marks of a ring were so readily apparent.
But why wasn't she wearing it?
Finally Bella couldn't take the aversions to anything too personal anymore. This was her best friend; she had to know if there was anyone in his life, and she had to tell him why she was moving back. She had to know if there was any hope for the two of them.
"So tell me, who's the lucky lady these days?"
"Lucky lady?" Edward's eyes snapped to hers in disbelief.
"Yeah. You can't tell me you haven't found a nice girl. You're a catch Ed."
Edward shook his head and turned his eyes back to his soup. "There's no one." He mumbled, hardly able to contain the ire in his voice. He was mad that the only woman he wanted was taken and yet, her husband was off with another woman. He would never do that to Bella.
Bella drew a deep, knowing this was her chance. But as they always were, they were interrupted at that moment.
"Edward! It's good to see you." Edward stood up to greet one of his fellow vice-presidents and introduced him to Bella—his "friend."
Bella nodded politely, and before she could say anything else, Edward was gathering his things and leading her back to his building.
They walked in silence and this time kept their space. Neither could determine why there was so much tension between them, why they could feel it wrapped around them and why so much always went unsaid. Finally they stopped in front of Edward's building.
"Well, maybe we could get together again?" Bella rushed out at the end.
Edward stopped, surprised and unsure of her offer. "What?" His mind had been racing about what he had seen in the last hour. Wasn't she married? Oh wait, she meant just as friends. And that stabbed him in the heart yet again.
"Sure." He said dismissively.
Bella was perplexed by his response, in fact by his whole demeanor that afternoon. "Edward, did I do something to offend you."
He bit his tongue in an effort to hold back. But instead he clenched his teeth as the hurtful words spilled forward. They weren't even directed at her but he couldn't keep them in.
"Of course not. You never offend me. You don't give me the time to offend me."
Bella reared back at his attitude. "I'm sorry. You could have called too in the last few years, it's not like I'm the only one who owns a telephone."
"Bella." Edward sighed.
"Edward."
The two stared at each other, unsure how they got to this point.
"I have to go. I'll talk to you later." Edward finally said. He turned for the building, leaving Bella speechless and confused on the sidewalk.
He turned his head only slightly, not making eye contact. "Have a good Christmas with your family." He said, before he stepped inside the lobby once again.
*&^%$#
Edward was once again absorbed in his spreadsheets. He did everything he could to put Bella out of his mind that afternoon. He told Angela he couldn't make it to Christmas after all, even though he could barely look her in the eye knowing what he had seen. He could tell she was disappointed, but he couldn't stand the thought of going to Christmas with a supposedly happy family.
The quiet of the office settled around him as everyone left for the holiday. He was alone, as always.
"Why haven't you celebrated Christmas in five years?"
Edward jumped, startled by the voice from his doorway. His tired eyes could make out her dark tresses and thin silhouette in the light.
"What are you doing here?"
Bella stepped in with trepidation. She kept repeating their conversation over and over in her head as she walked aimlessly around the streets of New York. She repeated all of their conversations and the look on Edward's face as he walked away from her. And for the first time she came to a different conclusion than she usually did.
She drew a deep breath as she walked closer. "I asked you first. Why?"
Edward stared at her for a moment, unsure how to answer. What did it matter at this point? She was married. But part of him wanted her to know, desperately wanted to tell her that he was the man for her. Not that cheating bastard she was with now.
The war within him played out on his face, and Bella started to think maybe, just maybe she was right.
Edward turned his chair toward the window. He couldn't look in her eyes as he lied to her.
"I just don't care about it anymore."
Bella's breath swept out of her, and she instantly felt exposed and stupid and…hurt.
Her eyes danced across the glass of his office. The window served as a mirror that showed a struggling man.
"Why are you here?" He asked then, pulling her from her thoughts.
"Because I thought…" Bella trailed off. "Never mind." She turned to leave as quickly as she had entered. She felt humiliated and betrayed by her usually sound instincts.
"Have a happy life Edward. I won't bother you again." She slammed the door, and Edward shook at her departure.
Moments passed as Edward stared out the window and stirred over what had just happened.
What was he doing? She obviously came for a reason. She had something to say. He could hear it in her voice, see it in her eyes. Just like he always could.
She was the woman he had been pining over for over fifteen years. Why was he letting her walk away?
Before he knew what he was doing, he threw on his coat and ran out after her. He pressed the elevator button repeatedly and waited impatiently for its arrival.
If she had something to say, well so did he. Once and for all she would know where he stood.
He rushed into the elevator and out of the lobby as quickly as he could. As he stepped onto the sidewalk he looked up and down the street for the raspberry beret.
Finally his eyes landed on her form. She was standing in the light of the Christmas tree at the Center.
He hurried over but then slowed as he noticed she wasn't moving. She was simply staring straight ahead and stood completely still as he approached her.
"Bella." He sighed.
She slowly turned to look at him, tears streaming down her face. His heart fell at her broken expression.
"What?" She sniffed.
"I don't…what do you want me to say?"
"I want you to tell me the truth Edward." She finally answered.
"The truth." He stopped and stared at her longer than he could determine.
The truth.
Frustration at so many years of pent up emotion bubbled up in him until it all finally spilled out. "The truth is I couldn't celebrate Christmas without you. I couldn't be reminded that you were gone every single year. I couldn't stand the fact that it was someone else taking my place."
He unknowingly moved closer to her so that he was only a breath away. He clenched his hands at his sides to keep from putting them on her face.
Her eyes danced across his as she let it all sink in.
"You're wrong you know." She stated.
"About what?"
"I'm not married. I was, but we divorced about three months ago."
Edward furrowed his brow. But he saw him, with Angela…and the girl?
"But what about your daughter?"
Bella stood shocked. Her mouth fell open as everything clicked together in her head.
Edward mistook her silence for indifference.
"I mean how can you just dismiss him when you have her in the picture?"
Bella finally spoke, realizing what the problem was. Everything he could have misinterpreted he did.
"Edward, I don't have a daughter." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Sadie is my niece. The man you saw, that was my brother, Ben. They just moved here from California about a year ago."
Edward was shocked. The man with Angela was Bella's brother. His assistant was married to his brother and Sadie was theirs, not hers.
The two stared at each other in disbelief. There were still so many unanswered questions, ones that needed to be answered, ones that they both left unasked for far too long.
At last he stepped forward and Bella's breath hitched at his proximity.
"Why did you come back?" He whispered.
"There's nothing left for me there."
"But, do you still love him?" Edward could barely form the question. Did he want to know why or if she did? Could he hope it had anything to do with him?
"He traveled a lot, I taught a lot. It was convenient. That's it."
"That's it?" He asked disbelievingly.
"Yes. That was always it! I could never find anyone who matched up to… I never felt a tenth of how I feel…" She looked down and put her hands on her head.
Without knowing it, Edward reached out and tipped her face to his.
"How you feel about what Bella?
"How I feel about you!" She said exasperatedly as her eyes implored his.
The air swept out of his lungs, and he felt his heart surge in his chest.
"How do you feel about me?" He grabbed her face between his hands at last and searched her eyes with his.
"Edward. It's you. It's always been you."
Edward's mind raced with questions and answers and utter disbelief at the situation. He was sure his mouth was opening and closing like a fish.
She loved him? How was that possible? All this time wasted. All this time alone and spent wondering how she felt. All this time wishing he had said those words himself over and over again.
Before he knew what he was doing he stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. His lips found hers with ferocity, and at once the world felt like it was spinning. Her lips were so warm against his and fire instantly raced through his body from their contact. Everything else stopped around them—the people on the sidewalk, the cars in the streets, nothing else existed but them.
Bella's hands wove into his hair, and he hugged her tighter against him. She tasted sweet like sugar. He always wondered what her lip gloss tasted like, and now he finally got the chance. He ran his tongue across her lower lip and pulled on it, earning a moan from Bella.
Bella didn't know what happened except she was finally kissing him, finally kissing her best friend, the only man she ever loved, right there in the middle of Rockefeller Center.
Before they knew it, they were locked in a rather inappropriate embrace, tongues dancing together as their hands roamed up and down each other's backs.
Edward finally gasped and pulled back for air. He gently ran his fingers over Bella's face as she sighed and leaned into him. He gave her a soft kiss as he willed his body to settle down.
"Maybe we should take this somewhere else?" He offered and Bella simply nodded in agreement.
Without another word, Edward grabbed Bella's hand and hailed a cab. They jumped in and didn't say a word other than Edward's address. Edward was ecstatic and scared to death at the same time.
He kissed Bella. He loved Bella as he always had. And now they were going to his apartment to do what? Talk? Make up for lost time?
But did it even matter? She lived in London and he in New York.
Before he could become consumed by his thoughts, they arrived at his apartment. He grasped her hand again as they walked silently into his building.
Edward quietly opened the door, and Bella stepped inside. She took in the dark, cool surroundings. But then suddenly Edward flicked a switch, and she immediately noticed the tree.
It stood next to the window with the city lights as its background. Across the plush cream rug was a fire place, now brimming with a flame, and completing the circle was a dark leather sofa and matching chair.
She dropped her coat and bag by the door and felt the warmth and the thickness around her. She could feel Edward's eyes on her, but she couldn't help but walk to the tree and run her fingers over the blue ornaments.
Suddenly she could sense him behind her. The same pulsing she felt the first time she met him coursed through her body.
Edward's hands trembled as they settled on her shoulders and gently grazed down her arms.
Bella tipped her head to the side and sighed as he slowly placed his lips at the point of her neck.
"Edward." She sighed as his lips continued down her neck. A shiver rippled down her spine, and she closed her eyes to revel in the sensations.
Edward was beyond words. He couldn't think; he could only act. He wanted to finally show her how he felt for her all these years, to adore her, sweep her away with him.
He could feel her trembling as he silently tasted her skin. She was as sweet as he had always imagined. He pressed against her back and felt her slim form conform to his perfectly. It was natural, like they were meant to go together.
Bella reached her arm up and turned her head to look at him. His eyes were shining in the light and reflected her own feelings. Finally, there was nothing stopping them.
Without another word she leaned forward and tipped his nose up with hers. She pressed her lips to his and warmth spread throughout her body just as it had on the sidewalk.
"Bella." Edward gasped against her and spun her into his arms. He locked her in his embrace as his hands roamed her back, up her sides and grazed her breasts.
Bella whimpered at the contact. She was sure she had never been kissed this way. Her ex-husband was a place holder, simply a stand in for what she knew she was always missing—love, passion, devotion—with the only man who could provide it.
Their tongues danced together, and she could feel them moving away from the window. Bella's fingers worked the buttons on Edward's shirt and her lips soon followed.
Edward tried to move them to the bedroom, but he was so caught up in her being there, in being with him that he stumbled back against the couch and sat with Bella straddling his lap. His hands roughly gripped her shirt and pulled it over her head. Quickly and with surprising precision their clothes were discarded until Bella was standing before him in nothing but her bra and underwear and Edward in his boxer briefs.
Lips traded and caressed hot kisses down the other's neck. Hands roamed and felt skin for the first time exposed.
Edward sat back and drew his hands over Bella's face, pushing her hair back reverently. Then he grabbed the pillows off the couch and threw them on the rug and lifted Bella to lay her against them.
His eyes locked with hers as he pulled a blanket over them. Slowly he fingered the strap of her bra and pulled it down her shoulder, following again with his lips.
Bella sucked in a breath at the tingling wake his kisses left. Suddenly he pulled her nipple in his mouth and every nerve in her body joined the wake.
Edward sucked the taught peak, and then switched to the other. He was worshiping her body as he always wanted. She was perfect. She was everything he ever imagined she'd be, all subtle curves and long lines of femininity.
"You're beautiful, the most beautiful woman I've ever met, inside and out." He whispered as he kissed back up her neck. "I've thought it since the first time I met you."
"You're more beautiful. You always have been." Bella sighed as his hand worked its way down her body only to slip her panties away.
Edward shook his head, but again Edward trailed his lips down the same path, kissing and tasting her sweet skin from her neck to her stomach to the inside of her thigh. He leaned forward, breathing her in and placed a kiss at her center.
Bella arched into him, overcome with emotion and the sensation of his lips on her most sensitive spot. After all the times she imagined it, he was finally there, kissing and lapping at her like he would never be able to taste her again.
She rose and rose as she wove her hands through his hair and ground her hips into him. Edward could feel her getting close, but wanted to come with her.
He sat back and Bella looked at him with fire in her eyes as he removed the last garment between them.
He hovered over her and looked into her eyes as he waited to press forward.
"It's been so long, I just—"
"It has for me too." She assured him.
"But you don't know how much I want you, how much I've always wanted you."
"Yes I do, because I've always wanted you too."
Edward smiled at her as their lips reconnected, and he slowly pushed himself inside her. He moaned at the feeling of her heat. She was perfect, every part of her. Now she was finally wrapped around him in the most intimate way.
Slowly he set a rhythm, and Bella joined by rocking her hips against him. She gasped as he stretched and filled her completely. It had never been like this with any man. All this time, it was as though her body had been waiting for him, waiting for him to complete her so perfectly.
Edward fought and reveled in the sensations. He wanted to prolong it, but his need for her was winning out as she moaned his name and dug her fingernails into his back. He lifted her legs higher around his waist and then took her hands in his above her head.
Their eyes locked as he pressed forward, firmer, faster, in and out again and again.
He felt her body tense and watched as her eyes fluttered closed. Her mouth opened in a silent scream. At last, he let go and euphoria swept through him.
He collapsed on her and pulled her against him tightly. He kissed her softly as he stroked a hand down her cheek. She reopened her eyes to look at him.
"I love you." He whispered. She smiled and gently kissed him. Then she put her hands on his face and looked deep into his eyes.
"I love you too."
They stared at one another in the light of the fire and the tree next to them. Silence overcame them and Edward's mind started to wander again. What could become of this?
"Bella…I."
"I'm moving back to New York, Edward."
A smile spread across his face as he realized everything was finally as he hoped. For the first time in years, Edward felt, it wasn't such a blue Christmas.
*&^%$#
The End
I hope you enjoyed it. Just a little something for the Christmas season. I own blue ornaments and I totally dig them. Probably one of my places of inspiration for this little story.