Song: whisky lullaby

So don't own this shiz.

Please read.

+-(ichigo pov)-+

She put him out,
Like the burning end of a midnight cigarette,
She broke his heart,
He spent his whole life trying to forget,
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time,
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind,
Until the night,

I did it. I walked out on him. Why did it hurt so much? I didn't know. I didn't know how the fuck I walked out my best friend, my boyfriend, and left him to drown in his own misery. He looked so fucking bad when I told him, it hurt. It really, really, really hurt. Why did I do that? Why didn't I just ignore the goddamn drugs, the smoking, all of that? I could have. But I didn't. he looked hurt. He looked so damned hurt.

Did I just kick a lost puppy then throw it into the sea? I think I did. That's what it felt like, anyway.

I might as well have.

+-(hichigo pov)-+

I was going to propose to him. I was going to finally seal the deal after about six years, and propose to him. I wanted to marry him. And I tried. Ha came over. He bitched. I looked horrified. I did. I probably looked pathetic. I didn't care. After six years? How could he? I want to be like us – in high school, just stupid assholes who loved eachother so fucking much it hurt. But I guess ichigo couldn't stand it after a while. After all, Im nothing good to him. im a monster. A drug possessed monster that was ruining his world. Why could I have stayed away? What would his life be like? I didn't know. But it hurt. I wanted ichigo back, as fucking selfish as I was. I couldn't get him back. But I wanted him.

Flashback.

"Look, hichigo –"

"What're those bags fer?" I asked, my eyes widening as I looked down at the luggage under him. I panicked. What was going on? The ring felt heavy in my pocket. I didn't know what was going on. Hell, perhaps? Fuck. What was he doing?

"I-i….I have to go. Look, we can't keep this up! You said you would stop the drugs….you did! It's just….look, hichigo, I can't…I just can't do this. We need to…we need to do something. I have to go. Just….taking a break, for now. I need to sort some…some things out," ichigos voice was thick. My eyes widened. My teeth clenched. It hurt. The ring was heavier. I looked down at my pocket. I suddenly got angry. Fuck. Just….fuck.

The ring got heavier. I lifted my hand, pulling out the box, along with the ring. The case burned. Ichigo looked shock at the sight. I pulled the ring out. He was more shocked. I let a growl out. It hurt. It hurt a lot. It hurt a lot more than I would think. I let the ring fall into my hand, out of the box. I advanced on ichigo. He stood still. When I got close enough for him, my eyes glazed over. My hand clenched around the ring, it making an imprint, before I dropped it on the wood for by his feet. Clatter, clatter, clatter. Clank. The ring was by his foot. I stared at him. My lips moved.

"That's for you. Take it, burn it, whatever the fuck ya wanna do wit' it." I moved around his still frozen frame, and walked out the door, pocketing my cash as I went.

My heart ached. My head hurt. I swallowed some drugs. Ah. A buzz.

Just a matter of time before I was stoned.

+-(end flashback)-+

I was still hurting when I found some abandoned shit-part of town. Warehouses covered everything. I didn't care. My head hurt still, but I didn't fucking give a shit as I dragged the alcohol and drugs off with me into the house. It hurt. I still hurt. How could he do this to me? I was going to propose. To him. and….and he just….fuck! I couldn't think straight. I took a sip. Then I downed the first bottle. Popped some narcotics. Drank another bottle of whisky….or was it scotch? Jack Daniel's? I didn't know.

I popped some more pills. Snorted cocaine.

My heart quickened. I groaned in pain. What the fuck? What was going on? Was I dying? Did I really care? My heart quickened some more. It hurt. A lot. I groaned in pain. But I was grinning. Why was a grinning again? Oh yeah, I was going to die. Good.

I told myself I loved ichigo. Because I did. And nothing will ever, ever, ever change that. It was my fault after all that ive done this. I still love ichigo. Always, and forever, no matter what.

Next thing I knew, it was black.

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger,
And finally drank away her memory,
Life is short but this time it was bigger,
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees,
We found him with his face down in the pillow,
With a note that said "I'll love her 'till I die."
And when we buried him beneath the willow,
The angles sang the Whisky Lullaby,
Lalalalalalala
Lalalalalalalaaaaaa
Lalalalalalala
Lalalalalalalaaaaaa

+-(ichigo pov)-+

My gaze fell onto the ring that was on my finger. It had been a year since hichigo had died. I did this – I know I did. The ring burned me. No. singed my finger as I remembered the pain. I didn't mind though. I didn't flinch. Ive already been cutting. Ive been drinking. Ive been snorting. Everything – you name it. Ive tried to get away from my life, get away from the fact that I killed my hichigo, get away from the fact everything was gone. He hated me. I knew he did. Up there in heaven, even though I would never see him again, fear struck my heart. He died in hatred of me. He hated me.

My wrists hurt. My body ached. Tears fell from my eyes. I didn't mind them. I sat in my not-occupied-by-anyone's house, and I sat in my old boyfriends bedroom. Hichigos room. It still smelled like him. Nothing had been moved. Nothing had been touched but the bed. I cried. Hard. I cried so fucking hard. I drank some more. I sat on his bed. I listened to his favorite bands. I wore what he always liked me to wear. He probably hated me up there.

What happened to my life? Or right, it died. The center of my life, the center of my universe, had died. Why did he have to die? I know. Because I was a selfish asshole. Hichigo hated me. I hated myself. There was no love in there. I didn't mind anymore. Why didn't I?

The next year passed by. I looked worse. Bones stuck out of my body. My cheeks were hollow. My eyes were sunken.

I still hadn't gotten over it. The ring still burned. It almost slipped off continuously. I didn't mind. I loved the ring. So much. I looked around his bedroom. Nothing changed. I didn't want it too. I sniffled. I threw up in the bathroom. I walked out.

The rumors flew,
But nobody knew how much she blamed herself,
For years and years,
She tried to hide the whisky on her breath,
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time,
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind,
Until the night

I drank some more.

+-(hichigo pov)-+

I couldn't bear to look at ichigo anymore. He wasn't even a shadow of himself anymore. He was on my old bed, in my bedroom, staring off into space, crying, drinking, snorting, puking, he did it all. Pain reined it in my chest. He held onto the ring. It was on his middle finger. It was now immensely too big. He still wore it. I flinched. My soul loomed outside the window as I stared in at him. he was still lifeless. He stared at the wall. Every now and then he glanced out the window, or at my picture. It was while we were in high school.

I clenched my teeth. My jaw hurt. My eyes hurt. To look at him like this - it all hurt. I regretted dying on him now. I wanted to go back and apologize to him over and over, but I couldn't he couldn't see me. I could see him. but I thought he wanted me dead. I thought he would be happy. This didn't look happy. If he keeps this up, he'll end up like me.

Another year gone. He was the same.

Another. Worse.

The next. He looked dead.

The last. He died. Ichigo died.

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger,
And finally drank away his memory,
Life is short but this time it was bigger,
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees,
We found her with her face down in the pillow,
Clinging to his picture for dear life,
We laid her next to him beneath the willow,
While the angles sang the Whisky Lullaby,

Ichigo died crying. Ichigo died hungry. He died angry at himself. He died like me. I couldn't bare it. He looked like he did at my funeral. Or….well, not a funeral, but just him. he was the only one grieving over me – even his friends did a silent hooray! I didn't care. As long as ichigo….as long as he still loved me. As long as he kept that ring. As long as he was there for me – living for me.

But then he died. I cried. I gashed my head open in heaven. I killed the angels. I let god send me to hell with a smirk. At least I'd suffer there.

Then he stood there. Ichigo. Right as I was about to be cast down into hell, he was there, like some kind of god. Maybe he was. I didn't know. I fell from heaven. He fell with me. I made it to hell. He didn't. he didn't make it. I killed him again. I killed his past life. This time, I really, really did.

The ring stayed. When ichigo died, his body turned to ashes. I cried. The ring was still on the floor, laying there. I picked it up. I wore it. It was too big for my finger too. I still wore it. I clutched it in my palm as I was beaten. The left hand, the one I swore I would propose to ichigo with. He was left handed, after all.

I let the world crash down on me. The ring was my only support, my only humanity left in me.

The rest was gone.

It went by cocaine, sniffing, drinking, drugging over.

I didn't have an afterlife after ichigo. He was my world.

Now all I have left is his ring.

His ring is my world.

In hell.

Always.

The ring was then destroyed. I destroyed hell. I became a demon. I fought the angels.

The ring was gone.

Gone.

The

Ring

Was

Gone.

I cried. It ended like that. I left my afterlife. Now I was eternally dead.

The ring was gone. No life after ichigo, no life after the ring, no life after this.

Ichi, my dear, sweet ichi, was gone.

Fuck.

I screwed up so fucking bad.

Nothing was left of the ring. It was gone. I didn't mind. Fuck, I didn't even care anymore. I was too horrified.

Because, in my mind, my crushed, my dead, my hell-broken mind, ichigo was there. He was always there.

I was horrified. He took a ring off his finger in this…whatever it was, and gave it to me.

He whispered something. I heard it. He cried. I cried. He faded into the dust, out of my mind. I called for him, raced for him, the ring in my hand. He was gone. I fell to the ground of where ever I was at, maybe a black box. Maybe this is my alternative hell. He was mist now. I had the ring. It burned again. Letters began to form on the band around the ring. I stared.

I accept.

+-(THE END)-+

Authors note: if you're confused, this is the story. Hichigo was a drug addict, and ichigo had enough. He broke it off with his boyfriend. Hichigo died of agony. Ichigo, of guilt. Hichigo went to heaven. He killed angels. Went to hell. Killed ichigos past-life along the way. Overthrown the underworld. And…..at the end, "I accept" means he accepted the proposal. The love. Everything

Yeah, I was very, very greiveful today. Don't care.