Just another beautiful day aboard the Leviathan. The sun was comfortably obscured by clouds, the wind was more a gentle breeze, and the ship had successfully escaped the glacier just four days ago. Everyone was all jolly and relieved they had made it out in one piece, more so that there was now enough cocktail to go around. With the ship fixed, everyone fed, and the Leviathan out of that stressful situation the crew could even ignore the five unvaccinated humans aboard. Life, or rather, unlife, continued on as normal.
Deryn was losing her barking mind.
Four days. Just four days ago she had feed on a full cocktail only to find it ineffective. Something was just…off. As if everything she needed was there but for one vital ingredient. A missing piece. A pea in her mattress. The cocktail wasn't enough, and even as Deryn forced herself to be content she couldn't stop her mind from drifting. It wasn't a sterile cup of fake hormones she wanted, what she wanted was alive and pulsing. She wanted real blood. She wanted it to be his blood.
It was easy to handle at first. Just a mild itch of dissatisfaction in her gums. Deryn figured her teeth missed how it had felt to puncture flesh. Her habit of gnawing on her knuckle could scratch that particular itch well enough. But the longer she ignored it the more intense it felt. Deryn reckoned she'd need to black out for a week just to forget that warmth beneath her fangs.
And Alek was no help at all.
"I'm not going to bloody blackmail you," Deryn said for the hundreth time in the past four days.
"But you look awful," Alek said, "It's been a while since the last time I gave you any. Are you sure you-"
"I'm fine." Deryn snapped and looked away to force that little voice who agreed with him down in her mind.
The ninny had got it in his head that he was in Deryn's debt for keeping his secrets, no matter how many times Deryn argued that Alek had done enough for her already. Ever since the captain had ordered Deryn to keep an eye on him the boy had all but begged her to feed on him to keep from spilling the beans. It took a lot of self-control not to believe he had a point.
It was always awkward for Deryn to smile convincingly with closed lips, but she managed.
"You don't need to worry about me, Alek."
But maybe someone should have been worrying about her, because Deryn began to dread her unlife-saving cocktail every evening. Of course it would be mad to refuse it, too barking suspicious. But even still, Rigby must have noticed that she didn't share Newkirk's famished relief whenever it was time to feed.
Days turned to weeks, weeks to a month. Then, and only then, was Deryn finally willing to give in.
"You were right," was all she said when she showed up unannounced after a long and agonising watch.
Alek rubbed his eyes, the thudding of her knocking had woken him in the midst of a night's sleep. "What?"
He was groggy, disorientated, and the top buttons of his shirt were loose from when he had sloppily pulled them on just seconds ago. It would be so easy to-
"You were right," she repeated, somewhat forcefully, "About what you said before. Let me in."
It took some effort to avoid shoving Alek when he lazily shifted aside.
Guilt and anticipation twisted together in Deryn's gut like ornery snakes, and that damnable thudding pulverised her thoughts to jam.
"Nice room," Deryn said, mostly to distract herself, "Yours is a lot nicer than mine. Granted- mine's less a stateroom than a crate."
She laughed awkwardly at what might've passed for a 'joke' and Alek yawned a chortle in response.
"I suppose so," he said, then leaned against the wall.
Deryn waited for Alek to say more. Perhaps for him to ask her what she wanted or even come out and offer all by himself. It'd make things a lot easier if she didn't have to come out and say it. When he didn't Deryn groaned, all those days of badgering her about it and now he kept his mouth shut?
Alek seemed to droop somewhat on the wall and flinch awake, still blinking in a daze. Deryn realised with a dull ache that she could not force herself to walk out of the room unless he told her to, and that Alek was in no state to defend himself otherwise.
"I'm sorry," she blurted out, unable to look away.
"Thats alright," Alek yawned, "You're not used to people needing sleep are you? I'm waking up."
He shook himself somewhat and pushed away from the wall. Already his eyes seemed more alert, but Deryn knew by his pulse that he wasn't anywhere near his normal state of nerves.
"No, I-" Deryn shook her head, "I mean, I'm sorry for why I'm here."
"Why you're here?" Alek frowned, "Ah yes, why are you here?"
Something about the gentle confusion on his face was maddening. As if he really didn't know what she wanted, but expected it to be something simple like asking to borrow a pair of socks.
"Its about that thing you've been bringing up lately," Deryn said, "You said that thing, and I said that we shouldn't, but you kept insisting that we should, and now I'm thinking maybe you were right and we should, but I want to make absolutely sure in case you actually feel like we shouldn't."
Alek's eyes scrunched together, his lips moving to repeat the words to himself. When he opened them his frown deepened.
"I'm sorry- was?"
Deryn groaned, breaking the leather of her glove in her chewing.
"That thing you offered," she said, "We've done it before- in the alps, its how we escaped!"
"You want…" Alek said slowly, "You want food..?"
"Yes!" Deryn said, then considered, "Sort of..."
She brought both knuckles to her lips and pointed downward, mimicking her fangs, and pantomimed biting.
"You want me to…" Alek drawled, "…Feed the bats?"
"No!" Deryn cried, slapping a palm over her eyes.
Alek shook his head, "Whatever this is, can it not wait until morning?"
"Aye, it can," Deryn said, "It should but I…"
What else was there to say? That she was desperate? That she thought she might black out if she retired to her case? Both of those things would only make Alek feel like he didn't have a choice. Just about all Deryn knew was that he needed to have a choice for this to go right. Well, about as right as stealing your best friend's vital fluids to sate your bloodlust could be.
"You offered," Deryn said slowly, "To help me…feel better."
She studied Alek's expression for comprehension but found none. She tried again.
"I've not been myself lately and I've told you that I was fine but I'm starting to not be," Her last words came out rather haggard, "I really want to feel better now."
And then he got it. Alek's eyes widened, his pulse quickened, and before he could stop himself he took an instinctual step back. Nothing was said in the silence, but the mood suddenly shifted from that of friendly befuddlement to terror.
The shift in his mood all but stung.
Why wouldn't Alek be afraid? Here Deryn was, a bloodsucking monster, waking him up in the dead of night to make good on a threat she's subtly hinting at him for weeks. It was the stuff of nightmares, she was the stuff of nightmares, and Alek wore that knowledge plainly on his face.
It suddenly felt more possible to walk away than Deryn had previously believed.
"You're tired," she said, her voice low and husky, "You have no idea what I'm saying."
Deryn was slow as she made to leave, a small part of her struggling against the retreat. When Alek moved to stop her she almost let him. Almost.
"Forget about it," she managed with what remained of her willpower, "Just forget about it."
And with that Deryn fled with only the hope that Alek would go back to sleep and think it was all a nightmare to soothe her.