Hello!
This was meant to be a 4/20 fic. But, as I'm working two jobs now, I couldn't get it done on 4/20. But the sentiment is there. I read a headcanon somewhere that these two are stoners. I can see that.
Enjoy! Comment and fave! Thanks!
It was fairly late at night, early some people would say. Truly too early or late for two people to still be wide awake, coasting on yesterday's energy with today's hit of reefer. Just to relax and unwind. They weren't "pot heads", as society liked to label them. What was wrong with just unwinding for a little bit? Nothing, absolutely nothing.
And that was just what Matthew was doing. He was lying still on his cold bathroom tile, staring up at the ceiling. It was weird, he could see it swirling and opening, showing him the stars above and his own galaxy. A private viewing to the Cosmos. He took in the moment, through slow steady breaths, tapping his fingers against the tile, sensitive to every muscle twitch. He could even feel his blood pulsing in his veins. He was aware he was high but at the same time, he didn't realize he was. Magic.
While he was staring at the stars, swirling and pulsing, seemingly in time his blood, he kept hear his friends voice in the other room. Laughing and carrying on about something. It didn't break his trance, it enhanced it. Every time Matthew heard his laugh, the stars would jolt and his blood would quicken. His heart beat a million miles an hour. When he was quiet, the stars above him seemed to lean in, yearning to hear the voice again, just as he was. Matthew's heart was still, waiting for the spike it would get with a laugh.
This was interesting but it wasn't new. It had happened the last few times he had gotten high with him. What could it mean? His heart fluttered as he heard his voice again. Oh. Matthew blinked looking at the heavens as it dawned on him for the first time. That was what it meant. Well that made everything even more interesting. Far more magical. He smiled watching his stars swirl contently.
The other room grew too quiet, Matthew whined a little bit, wanting to hear his voice. But the bathroom door suddenly swung open, in through the opening stumbled Gilbert Beilschmidt, the object of Matthew's thoughts. He was laughing hard, meandering into the room to the sink.
"Mattie. I just had the most HILARIOUS conversation with the TV! Ja, ja! I know! 'course, I didn't understand half of what his blank face said. I don't speak Tvanese. But it was still pretty funny!" Gilbert was snorting with laughter as Matthew's stars jumped and danced with delight, his heart keeping time. He didn't respond to Gilbert, staring blankly up at the ceiling still. Gilbert's voice changed.
"Birdie? You ok? I just told a joke, und you always laugh at them. Mattster? Mattie? Matt?" Gilbert was quiet now before he all of a sudden appeared in Matthew's vision. He looked panicked, worried. "Matthew?! You aren't dead are you?! Mien Gott , mien Gott… Mien Gott." Matthew felt fingers on his neck, fumbling, checking for a pulse. Feeling a little quilt for making Gilbert worry, Matthew touched his hand softly.
"I'm not dead, just thinking aboot… things." He offered, smiling as he stars turned as red as he felt his cheeks go. His stars were funny like that, reflecting his mood and feelings. Gilbert slide out of his line of sight, plopping down next to him.
"What are you thinking about, Birdie?" Gilbert asked, his worry and panic eased out of his voice. Matthew seemed to find it, taking it over for himself. Walked right into it.
Matthew was silent for a long few seconds, debating on whether or not he should be truthful with Gilbert about the conclusion he had just come to. What could it hurt, really, if Matthew was being honest. They were both really high so in the morning, or whenever they woke neither of them would remember it. It would be like a dream, hazy and unreachable to pull details from. Matthew decided, what the hell. He would be bold for once.
"Gilbert… I think I love you, romantically." He said quietly but assuredly. He had never been more sure about anything before in his life. However, when he heard Gilbert laughing in response, he knew he had made a mistake in telling him. Morning couldn't come fast enough.
"Ksesesese, nien. You don't, Matt. You are just high, you don't love me like that." He replied, patting Matthew on the arm as he continued to laugh. Matthew was a little hurt, clouds began rolling over his stars, blocking the view. This was not the way he thought this was going to go.
"How do you know I don't love you like that?" He asked in return. Gilbert snorted again.
"You aren't gay." Gilbert said bluntly.
"How do you know?"
"Dude, I'm like your best fruend! I know you like a favorite book. You are not gay, not even bi. You don't love me." He repeated himself, stabbing the hurt in further.
Though he wanted to repeat his phrase of "How do you know?" but he didn't think being redundant would work in his favor. If that was the case, he could have just kept saying "I love you" several times over until Gilbert got it though his skull. But decided instead on, "What makes you so sure that I'm not. I've never dated a girl before."
Gilbert shook his head, in pity maybe. "But you've liked plenty of them, even if you've never made a move. You've told me yourself about you crushes, don't deny it. Let's see… " Gilbert smiled, holding out his hand to count on his fingers. "There was Lili, Emma, Natalia and her sister Katyusha. Oh perhaps, your biggest, current, crush of all, that French student Marianne. Did I leave anyone out?" He teased.
The Canadian's vision swam with all the girls he had mentioned, each one coming in and out of focus. Also above his head, his stars stayed silent, lackluster when each of the appeared. Even Marianne would was the biggest in his minds eye, didn't excite a reaction. Now when he thought of Gilbert again, his stars jumped and dance, pinging back and forth, his heart dancing alongside them once more. That clenched it, he was in love with Gilbert. But the "Prussian" kept talking.
"I'm not trying to be mean, but Marianne is so far out of your league, you may as well play a different sport. I'm just being honest, my freund." He was smiling, Matthew could hear it in his voice. Just because he was being honest, didn't mean it didn't hurt. Why was Gilbert being like this? Why was it so hard to understand.
"Gilbert, I've never felt this way aboot any girl. My stars are telling-"
There was an obnoxiously loud snort of laughter now. "You do remember the last time your stars 'told' you something while you were high right? Because I do! Ksesese, skinny dipping in the outdoor pool while snowing to clear your aura? It took you three weeks of bed rest to recover from hypothermia und the flu. Not to mention the unfortunate case of frostbite to a certain extremity." He laughed. Matthew was bright red and he closed his eyes.
The memory, though fuzzy was embarrassing, yes, but it was nothing to Gilbert's constant laughing and mocking at his confession. Why did Gilbert have to be so cruel? He was his best friend, he was used to him being brutally honest but this. This was a new level of honesty Matthew hadn't anticipated. He felt betrayed and lonely, lying on the cold bathroom floor.
"So… you don't love me at all, huh, Gil?" He asked in a soft tone, barely above a whisper. He knew his voice cracked with emotion, but he couldn't help it. The atmosphere in the room changed in an instant, Gilbert stopped laughing, finally.
"Birdie, I didn't say that-"
"Your laughing implied it."
"But, I didn't mean it-"
"Oh, I suppose you didn't mean your blunt, unshakable denial of my feelings either."
"Nien, Matthew, you've got it wrong, I didn't-"
"But you did."
Tears welled up in Matthew's eyes as he finally sat up. He couldn't even look at Gilbert, not a glance. He was wrong, he would remember this in the morning. Because when the dawn came, he would no longer have a friend in Gilbert. How could he have been so stupid as to tell him. He mentally kicked himself. The one time he needed to be quiet, he actually took a chance and opened his mouth. Fat lot of good it had done him too. Matthew knew he was quiet for a reason.
Suddenly, he felt Gilbert's fingers on his face, gently brushing the tears away. The touch was so delicate and soft, betraying his usual bombastic attitude and mannerisms. His hand trailed along his cheek bone, carding up into Matthew's hair before pulling him in close. Their lips were only inches apart and Matthew thought his heart was going to explode out of his chest. What was happening?
"Nien, Birdie. I didn't. I love you, romantically, too." He whispered before pressing his lips against Matthew's. It was surprising at first but Matthew was greedy, he pushed back against Gilbert, returning the kiss in full passion.
To day his stars starting falling and dancing across the sky would be understated cliché. His whole head spun with confusion and elation, his heart flipped and somersaulted along with the butterflies in his stomach. Matthew was in heaven, exploring Gilbert tentatively, running his hands over his chest, cupping the sides of his face. It was bliss. It was right. It was love.
They finally broke for air, Matthew panting and swaying from side to side. If he wasn't already sitting down, he would have been on the floor. It was a lot to take in all at once.
"W-why… " His voice cracked and he cleared it, shaking his head. "Why were you trying to tell me I-I didn't love you if all along y-you love me too?" He asked curiously. This was all confusing, even with him being high as a kite. Gilbert carded his hair gently.
"Mattie, I'm not the guy for you. Ja, I'm pretty awesome but we are complete opposites. I like partying und not studying, staying up late und being loud und obnoxious. You like staying in, reading und studying, being quiet, keeping to yourself. We are like oil und water, we don't mix." He replied, frowning as if what he was saying pained him as much as it pained Matthew to hear.
Yes, all those things were true. They were polar opposites in ever regard. But, they were still best friends. Matthew bailed Gilbert out of trouble all the time, and Gilbert stood up for Matthew against the countless bullies he faced daily. Yes they were like oil and water but the also fit together like puzzle pieces. Rough around the edges and incomplete on their own but together, they make something beautiful.
"Let me be the judge of that." Matthew simply returned, kissing him again. It was just as good, if not better then the first. Gilbert didn't pull away. "See, you want it too, eh. Let's just try. How will we ever know if we don't try it first? Take me on a date. How aboot to that big party you are looking forward to next week. Antonio's birthday right? I'll be your plus one." Matthew wasn't ashamed of the begging he heard in his own voice. He saw an opening and charged through it.
"I don't know. It ist going to be one of those party's you don't like. Loud, drinking, fights. Are you sure?" Gilbert was hesitating, Matthew knew. And he knew that party was NOT how he wanted to spend his night. But he would take anything. He pulled Gilbert down to lay with him on the bathroom floor, snuggling into his hold.
"Say Geronimo, let's do this. I want to be with you. I love you." Matthew said as his stars began to reappear and dance in happiness. Such a roller coaster of emotion's this evening. He heard Gilbert chuckle and his heart sped up.
"Alright, if you want to, I say let's make this leap. I love you, too, Birdie."
Matthew's heart exploded with joy and he pulled Gilbert into a passionate, sincere kiss. For once, his stars couldn't be wrong. It felt too perfect and wonderful to be wrong.