Ok so this is the pre thingy for a new story I might write if there is enough interest. I hate to be an author who only writes for reviews but why finish a story no one reads. Any feedback in helpful…BTW this is not edited so there are mistakes; I just wanted to get it out in fandom. Please review!
Cold; if you asked me how I felt minutes before everything I held most dear came crashing down that would have been my answer; cold. You may think that word is an indentation of events yet to come but in truth it was the weather. It was March in Washington and a thunderous storm was still displayed on the rain soaked leafs and the cement paths. The oily blue sky was only brightened by a few select stars and a nearly full moon. I wrapped my wool shall closer to my body as I rushed from the party. The rain had stopped but the breeze blowing my hair felt heavy with moisture. Crickets had braved the storm and were now playing a rural but soulful tune that was accompanied by the hollow click of my pumps. I was not in tears nor did I think the threat immanent but I was emotional. It has often been said of my sex that as a whole our emotions are too volatile and random but in these I was completely justified. I was mad that he didn't care. I was sad that this time in my life had to be so drama filled and I was frustrated at his anger with the process. This was not how it was meant to be. I was the woman little girls dreamed of being. I have a great job, lifelong friends, I was mildly attractive and in a mere 34 ½ days I was going to marry the man of my dreams. I was supposed to be happy, but then again I was storming through a soppy garden wearing the least weather appropriate clothes imaginable, happy I was not.
I stopped walking when I came to a small windswept gazebo at the edge of the small pound. At first glance the pound seemed to be still but upon further review I noticed the small ripples that accompanied the wind. I watched as a current of air changed the water and I wondered if this was normal. I glanced at my hand that was resting on the banister. My pale fingers looked soft against the rough wood but strangely enough they looked like they belonged, it was the ring that didn't fit in the picture. The square cut canary diamond stood to prominent and sparkled too brilliant. The wood was natural, my hand was natural and the stone was too prefect to ever be seen as such. That realization brought tears to my eyes and before long I stood alone looking at a stirring lake sobbing into a flawless symbol of unyielding love. I felt my world closing in, I couldn't catch a breath and before true panic set in a felt a pair of masculine arms wrap around my shoulders. The scent of the man behind me brought forth memories of summer fishing trips to the lake and snow forts in the winter, it was rugged, woody and somehow uniquely Jacob.
"Bella?" His voice was deep and hoarse despite his effort to soften the tone. I collected myself enough to answer him and was unsurprised as my own voice came out in a post sob crackle.
"Not now Jake. Just go back in…I just need a minute." I was not the least bit surprised when he did not heed my advice but instead sat on the banister facing me directly. I tried to drag myself away but his vice grip on my torso only resulted in him pulling me closer to his broad chest.
"That was ugly in there." He said indicating his head towards the Cullen mansion. I silently agreed as I thought back on the words Edward and I had just shared in front of most of the town. We sat in stillness as the night began to darken. The clouds were shifting and by now the stars had all but diapered and moon was not far behind. As we sat Jacob began to curl his fingers in my over protected hair releasing tangles and chilling my spine.
"I never knew it would be like this." My declaration barely broke the quite as they were spoken in a terse whisper.
"He's an ass Bella. I have never been one to say I told you so but…" I cut him off before he could finish.
"It's not him Jake!" I might be upset but I wasn't dumb and I knew this was not just his fault, I was partly to blame.
"You think it's your fault Bells?" He tone was incredulous.
"I am not right for this." I swung my arms above my head indicting the vast amount of land and wealth the Cullen's had.
"You don't think your good enough for him?" His question was accompanied by his large hand encompassing mine. I took a minute to notice the way his russet skin complemented my ivory coloring and how my small hand felt warm and safe in his. The picture was not prefect but the ring was hidden and so it almost made sense. I didn't answer his questions, instead I got lost in my thoughts only to be interrupted by Jacob's next question.
"Why do you look so wired right now?"
"You're holding my hand." I pointed out the obvious.
"What I'm not allowed to hold your hand now?" His question was fair as our childhoods were so keenly connected we often held hands but somehow this was different.
"I just think it means something different to you than it does to me." I knew Jake had feelings for me, he always had, and I had always been Edwards. The cricket's song began to get softer. I felt like I was in a dream, it was hazy and stress had kept me sleep deprived. I didn't want to want to be in my Fiancé's parents backyard crying. I wanted to be in a dream and in dreams you could do whatever you wanted.
"…maybe…" I finished my statement lamely feeling the peril of tears clogging my throat.
"Maybe what?" His gruff tone was sensual.
"Maybe you feel something different…maybe I feel something the same." I was not making sense but it my head in lined up. How did I know how to feel about Jacob? We had never done more than hugged. I wanted to be extreme and I wanted to be happy. In the boldest movement of my life I leaned in. Jacobs's lips were closer than I expected and the impact nearly jarred my teeth. In a fluid motion he jumped from his perch and lifted me into his arms. The kiss was different, nice, but different. This was the first person I had ever kissed who was not Edward and compressions were inevitable. Where Edward was gentle Jacob was rough, where Edward was passionate Jacob was fire. The kiss only lasted a minute but it confirmed my position in life. Jacob could be everything I wanted but Edward was everything I needed. Yes, we were having problems but who didn't? He was my heart and soul and if a wedding was what I had to endure to be married to him I would gladly suffer.
"Sorry Jake…that wasn't….I didn't…" I did not want to change what Jake and I had but I was afraid I just did.
"No Bella. You did mean it." I looked at Jacob as the words were spoken only to realize too late that it wasn't his voice. I bit my lip spinning to face the speaker, Edward. I had barley taken a step in his direction when marched back towards the main house were our friends and family were gathered to celebrate our engagement.
"Stop!" I screamed kicking off my heels and running to catch up with his long strides. He stopped and stood facing the house, noticeably away from me. I could see his shoulders heave as he attempted to calm himself and after several minutes he turned. My original plan was to ask him to explain how he felt but one look at his face told me that conversation was not necessary. I had knew him to deeply not to be able to read his face. His brows were low, his laugh lines gone, his mouth was shut and tense and most evident of all were his eyes. In the early part of our relationship I had often commented that his eyes were like grass, deeply green and soft, now however, they looked like a sea after a hurricane, cold, beaten and bottomless. I instantly reached my hand towards his face and in response he grabbed my wrist and took a step back.
"Bella. I can't control myself right now. I could never hurt you physically but if you come closer I might say something I regret forever." I had fought with Edward before but never had he spoken to me in such a brash and unattached manner.
"It was nothing…Wedding nerves, Edward I love you…only you." I pleaded.
"Bella, if had been anyone else I might agree…but Jacob? You care for him…this is more…than…" His voice began to break and I started to panic. I had only seen him cry once when his grandfather had passed and if he cried now I knew the event taking place was bad. He did find his voice again but when he spoke tears leaked from his eyes.
"Bella we shouldn't get married. The wedding opened my eyes to some things and while I accept faults I can't marry someone I don't trust."
"Edward don't do this!" I wanted to scream and throw myself on him but I knew it wouldn't help. He wiped his eye and took a step in my direction. He leaned down and kissed my head. I felt him breathe me in and whisper in my ear.
"It's already done Bella." It was such a simple statement but combined with his abrupt departure it was the end of my world. I laid on the grass my dress pillowed around me and in that moment if you would had asked me how I felt I would have said cold. That word would not be in response to the incident that had just taken place but to the weather…if I thought about anything in that moment but the weather I would have realized that my life was over.