Cannibals. My god, they were going to eat us. Ianto thought as he sat completely still in the back of the SUV. His body was frozen in place, his hands braced against his thighs. His eyes were fixed on the ground; his vision swam back and forth between focused and fuzzy.

Visions of the day swirled in his head: Tosh and he getting separated, waking up in that cellar, the fridge full of body parts, and the horrid kitchen; it all played in his mind like a sick movie. It played until he got to the part when Tosh was able to make a run for it; at that point all he could focus on was the knife being held in front of his face.

The knife on my neck. The knife on my neck. The knife on my neck. It was all he could feel, all he could think, all he could see at that moment. His mouth was set, his eyes, were still, his hands were numb, he could feel the pain from the bruises forming on his chest, but it was distant. He was distant.

He was vaguely aware of everyone pilling into the SUV. He stared out the window, his eyes never really relaying what he saw to his brain, or was it his brain that wasn't registering correctly? He was aware of arriving at the hub. Owen and Jack ushered Gwen, Tosh, and he into the med bay.

Owen changed the dressings on Gwen's shot gun wound and sent her home with a small bottle of painkillers. He looked over Tosh who was mostly uninjured and gave her instructions for her sore shoulders and rope burned wrists before sending her home as well. Ianto didn't notice any of it. He just stood there. He didn't think, he didn't speak, he just existed.

Ianto looked up when Owen began shining a light into his eyes, but when Owen slapped his cheek lightly he blinked for what felt like the first time since they all left the countryside. Owen asked him a question and his brain was going over the sounds his ears were transmitting but he wasn't fully registering. "Ianto, did you hit your head?"

"No." came Ianto's succinct reply.

"Did they hurt you?" Owen asked gently, and if Ianto had been more aware of his surroundings he may have been surprised at the softness in the surly doctor's voice. Owen was a Doctor after all. Ianto swallowed before he answered. He had already been checked over before they left the country but Owen wanted to check everyone over again himself for his report.

"Yes."

"Where?"

Ianto didn't want to talk anymore so he simply lifted up his shirt, realizing belatedly his jacket had been removed. He glanced over to where he set it down on the railings and thought it odd that he wasn't really paying attention to anything. The thought passed quickly as Owen's hands were helping his tired arms remove the shirt. He watched Owen's face as the medic ran his hands over his bruised chest and stomach. Owen's expression was still and hard to read.

"You're alright considering. Nothing serious." Owen handed him a bottle of painkillers and held his hand out to Ianto with the first dose, indicating he needed to take it immediately. The medic also handed him a cup with water in it. After taking the pill, Owen gave him instructions on what to do for the bruises and the pain.

Although Ianto was physically hearing what the doctor was saying he wasn't actually paying any attention to it. No matter though, the doctor wrote it all down for him and told him he could leave. "You're on leave for the next few days and when you come back it's light duty only. No wrestling with the weevils. You can go."

Ianto slowly pulled his shirt on and made his way out of the med bay. He walked over to the coffee machine and began to make coffee purely out of habit. He was aware of Owen and Jack talking quietly, of Owen leaving, and of Jack retreating into his office. He put two mugs on the tray, then set the tray back down and opted for using just his hands to carry the coffee. He wasn't sure why, but he told himself it was because he would look silly carrying the tray when he was in jeans.

Setting the coffee down on Jack's desk he noted the older man was looking at him with surprise.

"I thought Owen said you could leave?"

"He did." Ianto stated simply.

"Care to join me?" Jack tilted his head and looked at Ianto with a curious expression as he motioned to the setee further in the hub.

Ianto nodded rather weakly and turned to leave the office. Slowly coming back to the world Ianto sat on the settee. Jack sat at the other end and silence reigned over the two men. Jack seemed to be waiting patiently for Ianto to say something.

Ianto realized he wanted to say something; something in particular too, not just anything to fill the void. He took a few long sips of his coffee and sat fully back against the cushions on the settee. Turning his head to face Jack he opened his mouth but nothing came out. Jack broke the silence.

"Tosh told me what you did." Jack spoke softly. "How she was able to get away because of you." Ianto's eyes glazed over again as he replayed the image of seeing Tosh's terrified face while the knife was being held to his throat. Jack continued on in an even voice. "You did good. Really well for your first field mission."

Ianto looked at him with a minute expression of surprise. He stared at Jack, not really looking at him though. "I can't tell yet if this was worse than Canary Warf or not." he paused then added, "At least for me." He blinked and brought Jack's face into focus. Jack seemed confused so he continued.

"At Canary Warf I had one goal: Get Lisa to safety. I was scared, I was absolutely terrified, but I had to find her and get her safe." He swallowed before he went on. "I found her and I was screaming out for help, I was crying and screaming and I couldn't give a damn about the rest of the world; I had to get her safe." He took in a deep breath. Jack placed a hand on his shoulder, silently letting him know he could take his time.

"It was as though there was nothing else going on because I could focus on that. It was the same with this. All I could focus on was getting Tosh out." Ianto shook his head. "But I didn't have long to focus on it. I was alone in that room for so long with those..." He shuddered slightly. "They held that knife to my throat and I saw the looks on Gwen's and Owen's and Tosh's face. They looked as scared as I felt, they looked like they were about to watch me die and that scared the shit out of me. I saw the blade come closer and I can't help but think: It must have been what Lisa felt. Only she must have suffered more. I didn't come in and save her in time like you did for us."

Ianto let his eyes water and focused on drinking his coffee. Jack sat beside him quietly. "The horrors of Canary Warf, or the terror of that room." Ianto said in comparison, asking himself which he thought was the worse experience.

Time passed as Ianto's throat seemed to have constricted and he was unable to say more. He wanted very badly to say something though. It was important to him that he said it. He waited for what seemed like an hour.

Finally he found the voice he was looking for. It was time to say what he wanted to say since Jack came storming in, gun firing, to save them all. It was a thought in the back of his mind but now, finally, it had form. He gave the thought a strong and resolute voice. It tumbled from his lips fast,

"You're not a monster Jack." Jack's eyes seemed too intense to look at so it forced Ianto to tear his gaze away from the older man. "You're not." his voice cracked minutley. Glancing sideways at the captain and picking at invisible lint on his jeans Ianto spoke again in a more controlled manner, "I, don't really want to be alone at the moment, so…I'll just tidy up a bit in here, if you don't mind?" He waved a few fingers in a subtle gesture indicating the hub.

Jack shook his head, "Not at all." he watched Ianto as the young man stood up and began to tidy at a snail's pace. If Ianto had been watching Jack's expressions he might have seen the older man's eyes soften towards him before a furrowed brow of concern graced his boss's brow.