Quagmire's Harem
Chapter 1
"Man this bites! All the bitches are tapped! If only I could really tap, Marge Simpson but I guess not!" Quagmire said as he looked through a photo album of his conquests and sighed sadly as he turned on the TV "This isn't right! I'm supposed to be Quahog's number 1 stud slash border line….well everyone knows!" he looked at the TV "Man even this asshole as more desirable pussy! He isn't even using her! If only I…" he heard a loud noise outside and looked to see Brian and Stewie returning from an alternate dimension "What the?!" but then he heard Brian talking.
"Stewie that was amazing! Going into Twilight made it a lot more bearable! Thanks for letting me shoot those sparkling vampires by the way!" Brian said as he kissed his gun "Thank you second Amendment and I'll never question it again!"
Quagmire scoffed and whispered "I'll give it five minutes" but then Stewie pulled out his Multiverse remote "Hey what's that?"
"In full view of everyone but what the heck, Thank you multiverse remote!" Stewie said as he kissed the remote and Quagmire smirked as he got an idea "I'll also say loud enough for everyone to hear but…" he then shouted "I'm putting my very powerful, possibly evil device that allows people to go to alternate universes…including fictional ones in my bedroom next to my collection of My little Pony DVDs which is next to my bed on the window side!"
"Really?" Brian asked.
"What?" Stewie asked
"You really watch My Little pony and keep DVDs?" Brian asked as he looked a bit annoyed "Still your still sucking on Lois' tits so I suppose I can look past it" he then added "Thou I and a good chuck of people reading this sorry excuse of a Fanfiction are probably jealous of you"
"Hey come on! This story at least knows it's crap" Stewie said as he then added "I mean the writer started this by seeing that bit from an old episode of Quagmire raping Marge Simpson and wanting to point out that if Quagmire had my technology then this is what he'd do with it"
"You don't think we've broken the fourth wall enough?" Brian asked
"Brian! We've been breaking the fourth wall for years! Who cares if a fanfiction does it too!? Besides he promised he'd have me kill Lois for real in this story" Stewie asked and then Stewie looked at the screen "Yeah make it happen…guy who is Scottish and doesn't like Family Guy anymore"
"Wait so he doesn't even like Family Guy anymore! So what's the point of this?" Brian asked.
"Lemon" Stewie answered.
"Ah…well I suppose I should have suspected as much" Brian said "You Lemon writing Asshole!"
"Come on! He doesn't always write Lemons" Stewie said as they headed inside and gave Quagmire a moment to consider his options.
Later that night, Quagmire snuck into the Griffin's home as he spotted the remote "So now I have it! Um maybe I need to consider mastering its use!" he grabbed all the equipment needed to use the remote and ran home. Once inside he smirked at the photos on his phone of famous characters he wanted! "So who should be first?"
"Peter Griffin here…hi we hope you've enjoyed our opening chapter but now we need your help!" Peter says walking over a still image of Quagmire "Now we have many fictional women for Quagmire to hook up with but we need suggestions of whom to start off with" he paused "We're also required by the Writer's personal comfort that nothing Quagmire does in this story do they approve of! So please send in your suggestions and we'll get to it! Now I have better stories to appear in"
Author's Note
Well you heard the American fat arse, I wrote this more out of spur of the moment and I need suggestions. Nothing is off limits in terms of who you can suggest. So suggest to your heart's content. I'll ensure that everyone's suggestions are viewed equally and fairly so that at least one from each person will get through. I may also credit the suggester but only if they ask me to.