Author's Note: Prompted by an iPod Shuffle meme I did on LiveJournal and written at the request of thenoblethang. Hope you enjoy!
Diclaimer: The characters belong to the BBC and the lyrics belong to N'Sync along with the title. No copy right infringement intended!
It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart, I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
with or without you
The Doctor sat alone in the TARDIS' kitchen staring into his lukewarm mug of tea. His watery double wore a distorted version of the brooding look that hung on his face. He'd gone and done it again-fallen in love with a human, and just any human, a loud, temperamental, intelligent, beautiful, caring, ginger, who was otherwise known as Donna Noble.
Every time they were together he had to fight the urge to take her him in his arms and snog the life out of her.
He thought that spending time apart while around the TARDIS would make these urges disappear. So he tried getting away from Donna by making up excuses about needing to do repairs on the ship that would take hours to complete. One afternoon of solitude was all it took for him to realize that he needed her company. He felt like he was going out of his mind in the silent consol room.
Baby I don't understand
Just why we can't be lovers
Things are getting out of hand
Trying too much, but baby we can't win
"I just want a mate"
Those words haunted him now. He'd brought this on himself, created an invisible barrier that kept them apart and from breaking his promise to keep things simple between them.
So how was he supposed to tell his best friend that he loved her? He continued to gaze at his beverage hoping that like a Magic 8 Ball the answer to his problem would bob to the surface of the dark liquid.
Nothing happened.
He couldn't help falling for her. Why can't she see what he does? See that they are a perfect match, balancing each other's flaws and weaknesses. They knew each other so well they could practically read each other's minds. They had grown close, much closer than any other companion before.
Many times he had almost let it slip, almost said those three terrifyingly simple words that could change everything about their relationship, for better or for worse. Today was one of those times: He had been trying to explain to her why he didn't want her to play the decoy in his plan and Donna had dismissed him and decided that she was going to do it "whether he liked it or not!"
"Donna I won't allow you, it's too dangerous! I'm a Time Lord so I can regenerate, you can't!" They were standing inches from each other, staring intensely into the other's eyes. For a brief moment the Doctor's eyes flickered down to Donna's lips which were pursed in an irritated scowl. She was the only women in the universe who could simultaneously infuriate him and captivate him.
"Is that it? You're gonna use that excuse? I'm a Time Lord and I can't really die so I'm gonna through myself into harm's way just to prove a point!" Donna retorted mimicking his arrogant tone perfectly.
"No Donna, that's not what I'm saying…" He paused, his deep brown eyes pleading with her to understand, trying to communicate what he wanted to say, what everyone watching them could see.
"Then what?" Her tone had softened somewhat as she watched him wrestle with his emotions.
He had to say something, Donna was expecting an answer. "I just has to be me." The edge in his voice conveyed a finality that Donna couldn't argue with and she gave in. Donna nodded and stepped back with the others waiting to escape with them.
Lucky for him the plan worked out better than expected and for once they all got out alive.
Perhaps Donna had gotten a glimpse of his feelings and that's why she conceded in the end. After all she had kissed him upon returning to the TARDIS. Nothing much, just a small peck on the cheek.
The Doctor sipped his tea, still lost in his thoughts. He was pulled from his reverie as he realized that his drink had gone cold. His face contorted in disgust and the Doctor spit it back into the mug then got up and dumped the remainder it down the sink.
As he went to leave the kitchen his thoughts strayed to that kiss and the time before when they had kissed in front of Agatha Christie. Since then they had both stopped correcting people about their relationship status.
Without him noticing, Donna came bustling through the door and collided with the Doctor.
"Oi! Watch it Spaceman." She stepped around him making a bee line for the kettle. "What are you doing in here by yourself anyways?"
"Err…Nothing. I was just coming to look for you." He smiled weakly hoping she would overlook his lie.
Donna suddenly rounded on the Doctor, pointing an accusing finger in his face. "Don't lie to me!" The Doctor's face went pale. "You were in here trying to snatch my brownies! I knew you couldn't leave them alone!"
The Doctor shook his head. For once he was telling the truth. He had completely forgotten about the brownies. Still glaring at him she turned and peeked into the oven where she had hid them. To her surprise they were all still there.
"Oh! Well…" She was speechless. "Then I guess I got here just in time."Donna reasoned, still suspicious of him.
"Donna I swear I wasn't going to touch them! I had forgotten about them!" The Doctor gave her his most innocent look.
"You swear?" Again he nodded earnestly.
"In that case, I'm proud of you Timeboy!" She sauntered up to him and gently kissed his cheek before heading back to the library. Then, "Don't touch them!" Her voice echoed down the corridor. Donna seemed to have had second thoughts about leaving him alone in the kitchen.
His hand rose to his cheek, his skin still tingling from her touch. He quickly followed after her, letting his Converse clad feet carrying him down the corridor. The Doctor's mind and his hearts raced as he thought about recent events, the kisses, allowing people to call them a couple. Even the lingering looks they both shared and the longing stare that each were guilty of.
Could it be possible that maybe, just maybe Donna shared his feelings?
Let it go
If you want me girl, let me know
I am down, on my knees
I can't take it anymore
The Doctor found Donna lounging in her favorite chair flipping through a celebrity gossip magazine.
Donna said glancing up at the Doctor as he sat down across from her. "Sorry for doubting you. But with your track record who could blame me?"
He dismissed her comment. "Donna, we need to talk." His hearts pounded in his chest. The Doctor watched as Donna continued to flip through the magazine. Was she stalling or just ignoring him?
"Donna!" He hadn't intended to use so much force but he was desperate for answers.
She closed the magazine and shot back at him, "What Spaceman?"
"Why did you kiss me?" There was a slight quiver in his voice as he asked. He mentally kicked himself for being so forward, but maybe the direct route best in this situation.
Donna appeared to tense at the question. She opened the magazine again and hid her face before answering casually, "Because you didn't scarf down my brownies, that's why. It was just a small peck on the cheek. I didn't mean anything by it."
"Well I just noticed that you've been doing that more often. Kissing me that is. And that's not all I've noticed. Things have changed between us and I think we've moved beyond just friends. I don't know how it happened but I'm glad it has. That's why I have to ask. Do you love me? "
Donna suddenly closed her magazine and slammed it down on the coffee table separating them startling the Doctor.
"What? What happened to all that stuff about things getting complicated? I thought you were my friend Doctor that why I kissed you! If you want me to stop just say so! I just thought you deserved a kiss for being nice, or as my way of saying thank you! Or I gave you a kiss to try and make you feel better! Is there something wrong with that? Should I start explaining my motives so you don't get confused?"
As she finished, Donna stood and marched out of the library on the verge of tears while the Doctor sat speechless, Donna's words were like a blow to the stomach. Why he ever thought Donna wanted to be more than friends he didn't know. He felt humiliated
It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart, I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
with or without you
Donna paced angrily around her bedroom, cursing. She cursed herself for overreacting and for being so guarded. That was the perfect moment to come clean and lay all her cards on the table. But instead she relapsed into her old habit, using her temper to push the ones she loved away when they got too close.
It suddenly dawned on her that the Doctor would figure out that her little outburst was a ruse, that he would realize Donna was hiding something from him. Donna swore that just by meeting his gorgeous brown eyes, he could see everything she was thinking, know all her secrets.
She ceased her pacing and fell face down onto her bed. He was right. They needed to talk. How long could she keep playing this game? Whenever she found herself crammed into a tight spot with the Doctor all she thought about was kissing him. Which is why every chance she got to give him the tiniest peck, she took.
So how do you tell someone one you only wanted to be friends with that you've fallen in love with them?
Baby don't misunderstand
What I'm trying to tell ya
In the corner of my mind
Baby, it feels like we are running out of time
Donna was contemplating the matter when there came a soft rapping on her door.
"Donna? Are you ok?" The Doctor paused waiting for an answer and when none came he continued. "I've brought brownies!"
She could just picture him stand there holding up the plate as if she could see him through the door wearing a lopsided grin.
Outside her room the Doctor was about ready to give when the door opened revealing Donna her hands placed firmly on her hips.
"Kitchen." Donna raised her hand and pointed. He gave her a puzzled look. "I'm not having crumbs all over my room. We'll eat them in the kitchen." She answered in a mock exasperated tone. The Doctor grinned broadly and bounced all the way back to the kitchen with Donna following along side.
They sat silently munching on the sweets for some time, it was only once the brownies were half gone did the Doctor speak up.
"You don't have to explain all your actions." Donna wasn't sure how to respond to that so she inspected a tiny speck on her plate with interest.
Taking it as a sign to continue the Doctor drew a shaky breath and went on. "I'm sorry if I offended you, but it was something I needed to ask you and I may have come across more forward than I intended to but—"
"Doctor you didn't do anything wrong. If anyone should be sorry, it's me. I overreacted."
"Donna, you and I both know that things between us are different. We've stopped correcting people who call us a couple, we practically share your room, and I honestly can't stop thinking about you. Even if you don't share my feelings I just thought you should know before you decide you're tired of running around with moody alien who gets into more trouble than he's worth and leave. You're the most beautiful and brilliant women I've ever known and I'm completely, head over heels in love." His watery smile was the most honest and sincere Donna had ever seen.
She saw a mixture of eagerness and fear dance across his face. He'd taken the first step, would she follow or stay behind guarding her secret like a precious gem? Too afraid to leave the comfort and safety of the life they already shared.
Let it go
If you want me girl, let me know
I am down, on my knees
I can't take it anymore
The Doctor drank her in, patiently waiting for whatever Donna had to say. A lifetime seemed to pass as he let his words wash over her. He was certain that he'd over done it again when after ten minutes Donna still sat in silence.
At last Donna lifted her head. He crystal blue eyes sparkled with unshed tears. Instantly the Doctor knew what was coming. He could see that she was torn. Not quite ready to take the leap.
He nodded as he got up from the table. She followed his movements.
"Doctor, I…"
"When you're ready, I'm here." He placed a soft kiss on top of her head before heading to the consol room.
It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart, I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
with or without you
fin
A/N: It just occurred to me that someone else may have already written a story with a very similar ending and I apologize for using it. If it's yours take credit and know that you have created a memorable ending that stuck with me. Thanks for the inspiration!