A/N – I was in a little bit of a morose mood when writing this. The kind of mood where you start out sad and end with the chance of sunshine. I hope you enjoy it~
When I come home
Home is where the heart is, they say.
To Natasha, there is no home.
Perhaps she had a home when she was a child. A home where there was a loving father and a loving mother. A home where there was such thing as family. When she was little Natalia with her soft dresses and pink curls. When she could afford such luxuries as hugs and kisses.
But that home had been shattered. Burned in flames. Her mother – dead – from the house collapsing. Her father – dead – from the hungry flames. They hadn't even died in each other's arms. And she had stood there in the streets, wailing as sirens wailed even louder. As the rain finally relented…far too late to save what had been her home.
No, home was long lost.
Her second home had been the arms of Alexi. That time had been magical. Moments of laughing too hard from intoxication. Moments of screaming too hard from the joy of running too fast. Where the world seemed to spin around her in golden lights and the night never ended. Moments that had ended after all.
Because Alexi had died. Been ripped from her arms. Torn from her embrace. And she was left with nothing but a ghost who promised warmth like a pauper promises his daughter a palace. Home had been snatched from her and shredded into fragments of a child's bedtime story. She had learned then that love was for children and happiness for fools.
There was no such thing as a home.
To Natasha, 'home' is where the hearth is. Where there is a warm fire and good food. Where there is a place to sleep and a place to wake. Where she can kill and then move on. Therefore, SHIELD has been her latest home. Even though it is cold and bare. Even though it is more of a jail cell to Natasha than her childhood dream bedroom. It has given her money. It has given her food. It has given her a way to live and do what is best.
But somewhere in there, Natasha's heart aches at the thought of a home.
And for the longest of times, she has been starved of that warmth.
Until now. Until the day she found that home is indeed where the heart is. Where her love is. Where she can bask in those warm arms that promise protection and love and eternity. Where she can stay unburdened knowing he will protect her back. Where she can sleep peacefully knowing he will be beside her in the morning.
Because to Natasha, there is a home now.
Because when she comes home to Clint, she truly feels like there is such thing as a home.