Warnings: Slashy themes, delinquency, language, slightly crack-ish, fluff (if you look at it in one light), suggestive themes (if you look at in it the other light)
Rated X for next chapter. This section is rated T for warnings above.
Pairings: SasNar all the way! xP
Summary: [AU] He was supposed to sit and smile for the camera as brats gave him Christmas wish-lists, no-one ever mentioned a certain blond coming and begging to be unwrapped on Christmas! [Christmas short] (Santa!Sasuke, Pervert!Naruto… and Pervert!Sasuke, too, I suppose.)
All I Want for Christmas
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His knee was numb. Not only that, his whole leg was going numb. Hell, his ass was losing all sense of feeling. He twitched his nose in the hopes of removing the lock of hair that was ghosting over the skin there, causing it to tickle like mad, but found that did nothing but cause the skin to itch even more. Giving a quick peek to the ever-lastingly long line, he quickly slipped his fingers between waxy hairs to rub at the base of his nose.
"Oi! Claus! What the he—" Stopping abruptly to keep from swearing, the older, white-haired man glanced over in the direction of the small crowd that was wound in the ropes that kept them in order before continuing like he had never stopped. "—ck do you think you're doing? Stop playing with the thing. Coffee break is over."
Sasuke Uchiha leaned back against the red felt chair, allowing his head to hit against the material a little harder than necessary. Dammit, this was not how he wanted to spend his Saturday… But of course he had no other choice but to comply with the school board's decision. It was better than an ISS—at least no one had to know about this. At least no one with a younger sibling, that is.
A small kid with a fishing hat finally finished wriggling out of his winter coat and mittens and huffily made his way over to the raven-gone-silver known as Sasuke. Obsidian eyes narrowed as the brat stopped before him, crossing his arms in a pouty manner. The boy returned his glare.
"And what the fu—So, what's your name, bra—boy?" Dammit, Sasuke was not made to do these sorts of things.
"You're an imposter."
The raven let out a slow breath in a sigh. "What are you talking about?" While he didn't want to play into this any more than need be, he wasn't going to just up and go, "Yep; you're right. Now screw off so I can enjoy my torture."
"I already know the real Santa never leaves his home except on Christmas. You're just a fake out to get money, you pig."
Sasuke secretly ground his teeth before stoically replying, "Believe what you will. You gonna give me a What I Want list and smile at the camera to get a picture or are we done?"
The kid glared at him again before reluctantly climbing onto his lap, arms still huffily crossed.
"Got a name?" Sasuke inquired non-caringly.
"Inari," the boy answered grumpily.
"Well then, Inari, what is it that you want?"
Inari gave him a haughty look. "Nothin'," he grumbled.
"What do you mean, 'nothing'?" Sasuke grouched. "If you didn't want anything, then why did you make us both go through this torture?"
The boy replied by digging his elbow into Sasuke's leg.
"Fu—What's your problem?" the raven growled, not at all pleased in the least.
The camera flashed, capturing what appeared to be a touching picture of Santa Claus and a little boy sharing a glance of admiration and Christmas cheer—but was, in fact, a picture of a peeved man who was glaring hatefully at an annoying brat as said brat discreetly started kicking said man's shin repeatedly, no doubt leaving a bruise. Due to the fact that Sasuke wasn't looking directly at the camera but rather at the beast-of-a-child on his leg, his face was slightly shadowed, his expression hard to make out. Inari had his head turned toward the Santa man as he sneered. It almost looked like they were having a touching conversation. Pffft.
What the parent's didn't know wouldn't hurt them.
"Grab a candy and get," Sasuke growled lowly.
Inari jumped off the red-clad leg and tromped right by the small basket that held the goodies without taking one and left in a huff. Sasuke's lip curled under his silver get-up as he waited for the next brat.
"Teme-Claus," a new voice purred as a pair of trim arms wrapped around his neck, a firm bottom resting in the small gap of the chair between his legs.
What the fuck? was all that crossed the raven's mind.
A well-toned chest was firmly pressed up against his own and Sasuke fought back a wince at the lovely sparks of electricity he felt.
"What are you doing here?" he murmured, quite proud at the fact that he sounded completely non-caring…
Oh, wait. His voice cracked. Well, shit.
His visitor pouted. "What? I can't tell Santa what I want for Christmas?"
Sasuke casually cleared his throat and gave his question another attempt—this time making sure to harden his voice and sound less off-guard. "Usuratonkachi, what the hell are you doing here?" He paused to narrow his eyes suspiciously. "You're not here to blatantly laugh in my face, are you?"
A devilish grin curled Naruto's lips. "Now, am I the type of person to do that? I'm here to enjoy my Christmas and get my picture taken as I sit in a happy, jovial, and smiling Santa's lap."
"… You are here to laugh at my pain."
"Never," Naruto assured. "I just want that picture."
And, of course, because Naruto just loved to make the Uchiha squirm, he made sure to slowly readjust himself on dear Santa's lap to sit more comfortably. His bottom just-so-casually rubbed against Santa's more manly parts. Hot sparks of friction ignited and a sharp inhale hissed through the silvery, waxy hairs of Santa's beard.
Naruto pouted at Sasuke (who suddenly decided that the Santa trousers were too tight and too frickin' hot). His blue eyes glimmered as he tilted his head as Sasuke and his hand moved to rest on a red-clad thigh, close—too close!—to Santa's manly assets (assets which weren't exactly disgusted by the possible attention).
"Ne… Santa? Do you know what I want for Christmas?" Naruto purred, his long lashes at half-mast, framing his amazing ocean-blue eyes. His stare, so innocent and naïve, belied any knowledge of what turmoil he was bringing to the reproductive instincts of a certain Uchiha.
Sasuke struggled with his voice, gritting his teeth in both annoyance and barely-managed restraint.
Naruto's lips curled into another grin, this time one which was much softer. He leaned forward to brush his lips against Sasuke's ear. The hand which had previously been on his thigh slid over to rest gently on his trembling manly parts, and with each heartbeat, he could feel himself pulse tighter and tighter, pushing harder and harder against Naruto's fingers.
Lips brushed his ear sensuously as they moved to voice secret desires; hot breath ticked his sensitive skin, sending pleasant shivers down his spine and straight to his groin area. "I really want someone to unwrap me," Naruto purred, the last two words coming out in a breathy whisper.
Sasuke had to briefly close his eyes to bar his overactive imagination from creating helpful visuals as to what that simple sentence implied:
Naruto wearing nothing but a ribbon tied strategically about him.
Naruto casually waiting under a Christmas tree, curling a finger in a come-hither motion.
Naruto waiting to be unwrapped.
Sasuke knew the parents waiting in line with their small, excited children were growing impatient and annoyed. He could see the elfin-clad photographers staring at him pointedly, hand on hips, waiting for him to wrap things up, smile at the camera, and keep the line moving. Yet despite all that, Sasuke was struggling to breathe, let alone focus long enough to take a picture.
Naruto leaned back and looked up at Sasuke with beseeching cerulean eyes. "Do you think you can handle that, Mr. Sandy Claws? Or is it too much for you?" The childish innocence expressed in such a silly title—Mr. Sandy Claws?—coupled with the timid way that those gorgeous blue eyes fell to fiddling fingers was almost enough to cause Sasuke to pinch Naruto's cheeks (had he been an old, decrepit granny, that is).
As it was, Sasuke was able to do absolutely nothing of the sort, as frozen in place as he was. Naruto's fiddling fingers were working with the problem throbbing between Sasuke's legs. The blond's fingers worked up and down the length of Sasuke gently, teasingly.
It took all of his willpower not to press against Naruto's working fingers. It took even more willpower to casually clear his throat and reply in his dark velvet voice, "Well see how good you are until then."
Naruto's eyes gleamed. "Thank you, Mr. Sandy Claws! I'm so looking forward to it," he purred. And then his fingers curled around the length of Sasuke, his thumb moving in a slow, massaging circle as he turned to smile at the camera.
Sasuke looked at the camera lens as well. He idly wondered just how much of an audience he had—had anyone been able to see just what had transpired?
A flash blinded him temporarily and Sasuke wondered briefly if he had succumbed to the torture and died.
But then he blinked, and he could see again, and just in time to catch Naruto accept the picture from one of the elves in exchange for a paper bill. He turned to give one last smirk to Sasuke, licking one of the candy canes given to all good children after their Santa visit, and wriggled his fingers in a wave goodbye before disappearing in the thick crowd of the mall.
As Sasuke watched the idiot trollop away, his felt his problem throb, reminding him that, yes indeedy!, it was still there.
Sasuke's mind flashed through a series of repulsive images, hoping that one of them would help him out. He also hoped that none of the parents noticed his problem and had him arrested for pedophilia.
Goddamn the concept of Santa Claus, Sasuke growled to himself, already thinking up an excuse to tell the judge.
(I swear, Your Honor, my sadistic boyfriend showed up randomly and gave me a finger-feel and my slave-driving boss wouldn't give me another coffee break to flatten my bump.)
This of course, led to more thoughts of unwrapping Naruto, and he growled at himself for being so weak—
And just like that, his day grew even worse as another brat jumped onto his lap.
Goddamn you, Santa Claus, he thought, goddamn you.
-x-x-x-x-
This was more of a tease than anything… I kinda wanna make this a two-shot with Naruto getting his wish and Sasuke getting his poor boner taken care of. Comments, suggestions?
Ahah… so a huge handout to my lovely beau for fixing my computer. :) Gotta love technically-savvy men… Though the conversation in which I persuaded him to do so was interesting:
Can you pleasepleasepleasePLEASE-for-the-love-of-GOD fix my computer? :)?
… Why? I can actually talk to you now that you can't write.
Yes, but I was in the middle of giving Sasuke a butt-job.
… I'm sorry—you were what?
I mean, I was in the middle of working on a very important term paper which must be completed very soon.
Let me get this straight. You want me to fix your computer so you ignore me some more and basically write porn?
…
Well?
Have I told you lately that I love you? :)
And then he fixed it. :'D God love 'im. Anyway. Review—part two comes soon. :)