Little Ed's Carnival of Chaos

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By: Akiko, Keeper of Sheep

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Chapter One: Well Done, Medium Rair!

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This was not what Waya had expected when he'd been told about the 'Go! Go! Igo!' Tour. Then again, he hadn't really given much thought to what it would be like. Still, even if he had expected something, it wouldn't have been this.

Sunnydale wasn't much of a town. It was tiny, devoid of any sort of fascinating tourist destinations, and full of strange people. Not just the usual culture-shock-strange, either - after spending three months surrounded by Americans, they had ceased to amuse (and sometimes disturb) him. The people of Sunnydale, though, were a whole different breed of weird.

They'd spoken at Sunnydale High School. Rather, Touya had spoken, ignoring the sounds of Shindou and Waya getting into a poking match behind him. They'd done their question-and-answer session, wherein lots of teenage girls giggled and asked them if they had girlfriends in Japan. Isumi and Nase had played a demonstration game, while Shindou and Waya commentated and Touya translated for them.

At first, Waya and Shindou had tried doing commentary in English. Unfortunately, neither of them had mastered the language, forcing them to rely on Touya for their verbal subtitles. It hadn't bothered Shindou, who was actually friends with the aloof Go prodigy, but it rankled Waya.

Their hotel was a fairly decent one - they had a lovely suite with a kitchenette, fluffy pillows, and a view of two cemeteries. Why someone would put one cemetery up across the street from another was beyond Waya, but he was too exhausted from the constant travelling to bother asking anyone about it.

They had a free day before going back to Japan, and Shindou (of course, who else caused enough trouble for three weirdness magnets) had spotted a flyer for a carnival.

The discussion that ensued was a lively one.

"Absolutely not, Shindou. I'm not going to any festival called 'Little Ed's Carnival of Chaos'."

"It's a carnival, not a festival," Shindou argued back, glowering at his rival. "The clue is in the name," he added snidely.

Touya rolled his eyes, buttoning up his white dress shirt. Waya snorted, busying himself with his cornflakes. At least, he conceded magnanimously, the uptight young man wasn't wearing a tie on their day off. He was even wearing jeans Waya noticed, a little bemused. It was the most casual he'd ever seen Touya dress.

"And it's bound to be loud, crowded, filthy, and otherwise chaotic. The clue is in the name," Touya snarked back with a smirk.

"Why is it that every time I suggest we do something fun, you say no," Shindou pouted. "Do you even know how to have fun?"

Waya didn't notice the hurt in Touya's eyes, but Nase did, and she cut in quickly. "We might not have enough money for a carnival, Shindou-kun. Maybe we can just go sightseeing instead."

Touya smiled. "That's a wonderful idea, Nase-san."

"No, it's not," the bleach-banged pro whined. "There's nothing here but churches and graveyards, and I want to do something that doesn't involve me being surrounded by dead people all day!"

"I vote with Shindou," Waya interjected smugly, resisting the urge to stick out his tongue at Touya, who had tilted his head just enough to narrow his eyes at him. So he agreed that wandering around all day going 'Look! A grave! Ooh! Another grave! Oh, and over there! Another grave!' sounded...well...depressing. It wasn't like he was disagreeing with Touya on purpose. For once.

"Isumiiii," Nase sing-songed with a coy smile as the oldest of their group walked in, rubbing his hair dry, "what would you rather do? Blow all our money at a carnival, or check out the town?"

Raising one eyebrow, Isumi shrugged. "The manager said we pretty much saw the town on the drive in, so probably the carnival."

"Woohoo!" Shindou and Waya high-fived, prompting a withering glare from Touya and an irritated huff from Nase.

Oh, well. They'd get over it.

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Little Ed's Carnival of Chaos was every bit as loud, crowded, filthy, and otherwise chaotic as Touya had predicted, a fact which pleased Waya to no end. Even if the rest of the day went to hell, at least he could take comfort in the knowledge that he'd really annoyed Touya Akira.

As Nase made a beeline for the rides, Shindou grabbed Touya by the sleeve and dragged him toward the midway.

"C'mon, Touya! I'll win you something!"

"I really don't think-"

Waya grinned at Isumi, who shook his head amusedly. They had long-since discovered Shindou's romantic designs on his rival (rather, Isumi had discovered them and flat-out informed Waya), and it never failed to entertain them. This was especially true when Shindou tried his hand at 'wooing' Touya, which he did every so often, usually with hilarious results like being banned from every bakery in Tokyo and accidentally convincing a men's apparel salesgirl that he had a bondage fetish.

"I'm going to get some cotton candy," Isumi proclaimed, nodding towards a booth that smelled wonderful, despite the sagging old woman behind the counter with the grimy face and the stained apron.

"Get me some," the younger man asked, turning to peer into a small, purple tent that smelled faintly of sandalwood. There was a sign over the flap of the tent, stating that it housed 'Medium Rair, Gypsy Fortune-Teller'. Sighing, Isumi loped over to the vendor, leaving Waya to duck into the smoky tent by himself.

"Welcome, Yoshitaka Waya," said a soft, accented voice.

"Um..." Squinting, Waya could make out the shape of a woman. At least, he assumed it was a woman. She had long, dark hair that curled wildly about her face, was clad head to toe in layers of bright colors that clashed terribly, and there was something very odd about her eyes. She beckoned him with one finger.

"You seek answers, yes? About life, about love. Come closer."

As if in a trance, Waya shuffled closer to her. How did she know my name? This isn't right, he thought frantically, trying to make his body turn back around and leave. Instead, it stopped in front of the fortune-teller and leaned over to peer into the crystal ball.

Isumi peered back at him.

What the...what is this?

"You seek love, yes? Yet you fear consequences. Fear is your weakness. Without it, you will achieve all you dream of."

There were colors in the ball now, liquid and iridescent, like looking through a bubble on a sunny day. Isumi's face blurred and melted into the glistening swirl, little eddies twirling within the crystal...around and around...and around...

"I will help you find your courage," a soft voice said. He was warm inside, but somehow hollow, as though he was filled with nothing but summer air. He smelled tea and wood, heard the clear pachi! pachi! of Go stones and Isumi's gentle laughter...

He wasn't in the tent anymore. There were silvery mirrors all around, and he could see himself reflected endlessly. Part of him wondered why he was following the rustling form of the fortune-teller, but mostly he was floating endlessly through space, stars winking at him. No, he was winking at himself. And...and one of him was waving. Another rolled his eyes. And there, in front of him, was-

Hands slammed into his back, shoving him roughly forward. Instead of the shattering and sharpness and bleeding he expected, there was an uncomfortable sensation of slipping through a thin layer of water and falling flat on his face on the other side.

The last thing he saw before everything faded away was two gleaming eyes, black where they should be white and white where they should be black, watching him with glee. And beside the woman who Waya knew was not human, was...was...

Why is there a moustache, he thought.

Then he was no more.

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A/N - Oh, noes! Have I killed poor Waya? You'll have to wait for the next chapter to find out! Mwahahahaha!

Yes, I know, I come up with the weirdest ideas. Well, maybe not the weirdest (I didn't invent Bedazzling, after all), but my ideas are definitely up there. As you may or may not have noticed, this will pretty much be entirely a poorly-disguised crack!fic. As an added benefit, knowledge of Buffy isn't required to understand it, though I can't promise you won't miss a few in-jokes.

Snippets from Chapter Two: Coulrophobia Is No Laughing Matter -

"Clown!"

There was no thought involved. One second, he was laughing at his rival, and the next, there was a heavy mallet in his hands and a dead clown at his feet.

xxx

For one terrifying moment, Akira thought the clowns had eaten Isumi.

xxx

"Why me?" Hikaru wailed, pelting his opponent with milk bottles. "Why do the dead people always find me?"

xxx

Waya cackled maniacally. "Run all you like, Isumi! I'll have you chained to my bed before long!"

Peace!

Akiko =)