MATING SEASON
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As usual we are taken to Dr. Weird's lab.
DR. WEIRD:
Gentlemen! Behold! I have written my name on my own wrist with a knife!
STEVE:
Uhh…..don't you know that...umm…cutting your wrist is uh…..lethal?
DR. WEIRD:
(after wrist explodes with blood jumping out) MY NAME! NOOOOO!
ATHF Theme hits, then we see Carl knocking at the Aqua Teen's door. Frylock answers.
FRYLOCK:
Oh hi Carl…
Carl lifts up his hands…which are both missing their middle fingers.
FRYLOCK:
Uhh….
CARL:
I'm uhh…flipping you off here Fry man…seeing as how I have no middle fingers….I presume that when you have all the rest up…it can be pretty….. offensive.
FRYLOCK:
What happened to you…..
CARL:
Yeah that's what I came here for. Uhhh…is Shake home by any chance? Because seeing as how he is the only one with hands around here and he only has 4 fingers….he might be somehow connected to how my middle fingers got….disconnected.
FRYLOCK:
Actually I haven't seen him around at all today…..
Shake then out of nowhere jumps out of a passing bus, with Carl's middle fingers taped to his hands. He has a lot of football jerseys and merchandise with him.
SHAKE:
Yes…Shake is back from the great game, and how great can GREAT be without….oh hey Carl. Uh…how you doing there buddy?
CARL:
Hey Shake man how's it going. Ah you went to a football game huh that's lots of fun. I just came by to uh…thank you for not…uhh…pouring septic after cutting my middle fingers off with my dirty steak knife!
SHAKE:
And just why do you assume that I did this to you?
CARL:
YOU'RE FRIGGING WEARING THEM ON YOUR HANDS RIGHT NOW!
SHAKE:
Ok…ok…big baby…you don't have to spit….into thin air your unevedential pain to someone who doesn't care.
FRYLOCK:
Shake…why on Earth would you cut off Carl's fingers!?
SHAKE:
Always so curious are we Mr. Curious? And while you're being curious…about Carl's fingers why don't you get…curious with that leech over by one of your test tubes that you love to "experiment" with because I know…manifestation is one of the high concerns in Biography.
FRYLOCK:
BIOLOGY Shake!
SHAKE:
And only a CURIOUS person…as in…someone who CARES would stand corrected with that.
CARL:
You know I can't help but notice that those fingers look a little….hair less.
FRYLOCK:
You know Carl, you're right.
SHAKE:
Of course…because they're not Carl's fingers. See I got these…from giving the person who use to use these fingers…to get free football tickets baby! (as Carl slaps his forehead and rubs it) See the deal was I gave him new middle fingers since he got tired of flippin' the bird with his and I get a free football ticket baby!
FRYLOCK:
Why do you still have his Shake!
SHAKE:
Well you know how Carl seems to have lost his…
FRYLOCK:
You cut em off Shake!
SHAKE:
Alright alright well say I cut em off will that make you fell better, Mr. Curious…
CARL:
Just get to the damn point!
SHAKE:
You still need middle fingers! Do you think I'd take something….without putting something back into its place? Who do I look like?
Meatwad rolls by.
MEATWAD:
You look like a damn fool with all that tape holding them down to your hands.
CARL:
Yeah just what…do you think you're accomplishing with those fingers on your hands there…like they're yours?
SHAKE:
Well I couldn't just boo the team…I mean do you know how many people hate the Eagles? I mean it has gone from booing to flipping…and boy did I do a lot of flipping. Ha ha ha.
MEATWAD:
No one hates the Eagles…because when mating season comes along they like to sing to let the entire world know that…they be getting hip, and I know how everyone likes to watch others do their hip thing….and my mating season is coming soon…so move out my way boy while I go get a honey.
FRYLOCK:
Actually Meatwad, it's Nightingales that like to sing before mating.
MEATWAD:
Eagles are out at night too. I know…I've seen that one with the white head on that banner at night…and he has that look in his eyes like he wants some. And so do I.…so move out my way.
Meatwad rolls out of sight.
CARL:
You know I think I might look into my mating season…when my gun…makes love with your friggin' mouth…and by the way….just how are we gonna get those fingers…back onto my hands here.
FRYLOCK:
I don't believe we can now Carl...I mean those look a little…old…and plus…we don't know if this man Shake made this deal with was sick or not.
CARL:
You know what I don't even frigging care anymore so you can stick those fingers right up your ass.
SHAKE:
Hey hey…I went through hell to get to that damn game…and the only gratitude I get for my actions is blasphemy? I tell you Carl…you're the most ungrateful person I know….and you're the only PERSON that I know…so that will make you the most ungrateful of all ungrateful persons both real and unreal. And since you are that ungrateful…I will personally make you even more ungrateful…since I don't take good actions towards ungrateful people.
Carl tears off the fingers on Shake's hands and pokes him in the eyes with them.
The scene then changes into Carl's backyard. Where Shake is swimming in Carl's pool.
CARL:
You know I can't help but notice that…you're swimming in my…ungrateful…pool.
SHAKE:
Now Carl what's past is past. I mean…fingers grow back…don't they?
Frylock enters.
FRYLOCK:
No…they don't…and you know they don't.
SHAKE:
Frylock, don't try to persuade me otherwise. I am still master of our domain…and I will remain as such. And as your master…I order you to go masterBATE since I am not so rude to say that other phrase in front of our neighbor Carl.
CARL:
And since I am the uhh…master…of this domain…how about mastering your ass out of my frigging pool.
SHAKE:
Do you have to yell Carl…you were being so nice….
CARL:
GET OUT OF MY FRIGGIN POOL!
Carl's scream blows Shake out of the pool. And he walks away yelling…
SHAKE:
You don't have tell me twice because I am telling myself to leave because your issues have standards that match the quality of Katrina.
Carl then notices a lot of shake in his pool.
CARL:
Oh good…..
The scene is then taken inside of the Aqua Teen's house.
FRYLOCK:
I hope you feel real good about yourself Shake. Because Carl is still somehow living next to us when no one else will!
SHAKE:
Which shows what good I did us. I mean hey…I just proved that nothing will drive him away. Because Carl loves us…lucky for him we like him in that kind of way…but you see Frylock…you always seem to look at every little detail like a girl. And I can tell you…a girl would not even care if Carl was missing his fingers because he aint getting sex as long he keeps crying about everything. Crap happens…it does…but that doesn't make me crap…just because I made it happen. I've smelled his crap…believe me…it's crap with extra sauce.
FRYLOCK:
YOU CUT OFF HIS DAMN FINGERS!
SHAKE:
You've told me that 3 times now! I know I did it…because I did it….and it used to be nice to know that you knew I did it….but now it's getting on my nerves!
FRYLOCK:
And how the hell did you buy all this merchandise?
SHAKE:
Nice to meet you again Mr. Curious. Why don't you keep your curious ways about my stuff to yourself because you know they're mine!
Carl breaks open the door.
CARL:
Someone wanna tell me why my credit information has been changed to "Shake, Master"?
SHAKE:
Oh dammit…are you serious? I swear I thought they put the last name before the first like they do in the forms.
FRYLOCK:
You stole his credit card!? Shake…
SHAKE:
Well I can't just go up and take everything. It costs money Frylock.
FRYLOCK:
YOU COULD HAVE ASKED ME FOR SOME MONEY SHAKE!
SHAKE:
Well thank YOU for that kind and gentle and LATE offering Mr. Lockfry which is what YOUR name would be if YOU took Carl's card and not me!
FRYLOCK:
You….ughhh…Carl how much did he spend?
CARL:
600 friggin dollars! And I'd prefer dollars alone since…cents (sense)…is not what Shake has at the moment.
FRYLOCK:
No he doesn't.
SHAKE:
You know I am right here and..
FRYLOCK:
You can hear us?
SHAKE:
……..
FRYLOCK:
…….
CARL:
…….
SHAKE:
Yeah well….Dracula called and….
FRYLOCK:
He's coming tonight?
SHAKE:
As a matter of fact he said he can't make it tonight.
FRYLOCK:
Good…because he'll need all the blood he can get after me and Carl rip it out of you.
CARL:
You know what Fry man I'd prefer to just do rip out myself…with his own hands!
SHAKE:
Oh now isn't that so neighborly of you Carl? You know if the bank knew I wasn't such a bad risk and did not know that I don't pay my bills on time…I'd have my own credit card? But I am afraid they already know all that. So why don't you go to your home and rip your own hands off for not realizing this before because if you had….we wouldn't be standing here now would we?
Frylock gets money from his room.
FRYLOCK:
Here's the money Carl…I had to clone 29 of the 30 20's in my cloner since I had to pay the electricity and water bills this week.
CARL:
Thank you very much Frylock I sorely appreciate it….and you cup better start saving up….because I'm gonna change my credit billing address to yours.
SHAKE:
Gee why not just call the cops on me now and get it over with?
CARL:
Yeah they stopped taking my calls like long ago.
SHAKE:
Probably because you're a little crybaby.
FRYLOCK:
SHAKE! You're gonna pay me back for paying Carl YOUR debt.
SHAKE:
Yeah yeah I….look Frylock…I humbly…thank you…
FRYLOCK:
Not going to work. You're gonna pay me back big time!
Meatwad rolls in.
MEATWAD:
Sigh….it's hard to find a mate during mating season, Frylock.
FRYLOCK:
Yeah…I can…imagine it is...for a piece of meat.
MEATWAD:
Shoot I aint ever gonna make any babies. I'm just gonna be spoiled on loneliness. Aint never gonna get no job, no money. My wife aint gonna live with a successful man. I'm just gonna be straying here drying my sad eyes and poop all alone.
FRYLOCK:
Aww now come on Meatwad, you're still young and…
MEATWAD:
And never gonna find me no mate because of my youth. I'm just now hitting puberty and I don't even know what that is.
SHAKE:
Mating? Puberty? The only mating you'll ever get is my fist kissing your pathetic face! Because everyone knows if meat can hit puberty then the Texans will have something ELSE to be ashamed of.
MEATWAD:
I aint no Texan boy!
SHAKE:
TEXAN! TEXAN!
Shake starts chasing Meatwad around the house.
MEATWAD: (while running around the house)
I AM NOT A TEXAN! I AM NOT A TEXAN!
SHAKE: (while chasing Meatwad)
The Mexicans will no longer be eating THEIR hearts out…TEXAN!
Meatwad runs into Frylock's room and closes the door.
SHAKE:
Come back out here Texan!
FRYLOCK:
Oh no! He did not go in my room!
SHAKE:
Then you must be blind because he just did. Is Mr. Curious going to become curious about what he's doing in there? Because if he is…I'm gonna tell you to shut up while I break this door down with my madness and so roll all over his ass.
FRYLOCK:
Shake I left my cloner open and…
SHAKE:
Didn't I tell you to shut up?
FRYLOCK:
Shake he can easily jump in it and…
SHAKE:
And you are making it harder for me break into your room which is what I never wanted to do because of how curious I DON'T want to be about what you do in there. Now shut up!
The door then quickly busts open and a lot of Meatwads jump and roll all over Shake.
Carl busts in from the front door.
CARL:
And by the way cup…go out and clean the mess you made in my friggin pool…
A bunch of Meatwads then roll all over Carl.
CARL:
Oh great….now I'll have to take another shower this year.
Roll end credits.