A/N: Just so everyone knows they are at the institute, Magnus stayed to help Jon and Luke with the few students who's parents didn't t bring them home once Valentine was put in jail. It was brought to my attention that that may have been a bit confusing. This starts off in Magnus room. Hope that clears everything up.

Let me know what you think of this. should I do a few more chapters about them? I'm thinking as I go on with Wake Me When It's over I could add a few chapters to this, or I could just briefly mention them in WMWIO. Let me know what you think.

Alec was afraid he was moving too fast, he'd only been here three days and he didn't quite feel comfortable being in Magnus's room. Sure they had been getting close in the month they had known each other before the whole thing with Clary had started and sure they had been texting and talking on the phone more in the past few weeks then Alec had in his life up too this point. Also they were only sitting on the couch watching Monk...but he still felt awkward - that's not to say he didn't like the way Magnus had talked him into this, as if it really mattered to him whether or not he was there.

He shifted uncomfortably. He knew he shouldn't fidget. The last thing he wanted was for Magnus to think he didn't want to be here, but he just didn't know what to do! He wished he could be more like Jace .He glanced over at Magnus and felt more ill at ease than ever. The other boy was just so perfect and he was just plain old Alec. Magnus was wearing black skintight jeans with silver sparkles on them. He on the other hand was wearing plain faded black jeans. Magnus was wearing a shiny silver shirt. He was wearing a tight black half sleeved tee shirt. Of course the sleeves were long enough to cover his scars; his scars were just one more thing to set him apart from the perfection beside him. Oh and there was the fact that Magnus had perfect hair and his was always a mess...and Magnus had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen... In other words he was in no way good enough.

He shifted again, moving away from Magnus only a little bit, he didn't think the boy would even notice but he was wrong.

"Alec what's wrong?" he asked bluntly but his eyes were gentle and worried and Alec had to wonder why he cared so much.

"Nothing..."

"Alexander don't you dare lie to me. Relationships based on lies never work and I dearly want this to work."

"Me too..." Alec whispered lamely.

"I'm glad." Magnus replied feeling honestly relieved. "Now talk."

"I just...I've never done this before..."

"Done what?"

"This...I mean...a relationship...and I just...I'm scared..."

"So am I."

"What? Why?" he knew this wasn't Magnus's first time, not by a long shot.

"Because this time it means something."

Alec just started at him, unable to believe it could really be true.

"Alec." he whispered running a sparkly nailed hand down the other boy's arm.

Alec tensed at his touch...Magnus was touching his left arm...why did it have to be his left arm?

"Don't worry, just do whatever feels right. I'll lead as long as you need me too and we can go as slow as you want. I'm in no hurry." he paused. "But that's not all that's bothering you, is it?"

"Ummm..." Alec was clearly agitated.

"Alexander." he said soothingly. "You can tell me anything. You know that right?"

"No. Magnus...I can't I just..."

"Alexander please. I'll give you as much time as you need...but please let me help you."

Alec knew he shouldn't tell him. There was no way anyone who knew the truth could love him. He saw now that Jace was in a way lucky to have Clary who was as broken as he was. Jace didn't need to hide things, he did. But looking at the worry and longing in Magnus's eyes he found himself forgetting how much he needed to not tell the truth.

"I..."

"It's okay. You don't need to tell me right now if you don't want to."

Alec never cried. Not ever. But now he felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes. This was just too much. No one was supposed to care this much. Well there was Jace but that was different. Jace was his brother. Jace understood. Other people would just think he was weak. But for some reason his hand flew unbidden to the tiny scars on his left arm, the ones covered by the cover up he had stolen from Isabelle.

Magnus winced, no, no, no, please no.

"Let me see." was all he said.

Alec shook his head he was being stupid and he knew it but he couldn't help it.

Magnus reached out and took his arm, pulling his other hand out of the way; his own hands gentle yet insistent. He found the cuts and ran his fingers over them making Alec tense some more.

"Alexander...why? Why would you do this?"

Alec looked away. It was over. There was no way Magnus would want him now. He should have known better than to think he had a chance. No one could ever love him...he just hoped his dad would let him move back in...maybe Jace would move out with him and they could be roommates? He didn't think he could live alone ... But it looked as if he might not have any other choice...ever. Even if Jace stayed with him for now he knew someday Jace would get married and leave him.

Suddenly he realized Magnus was talking to him. How long had he zoned out for?

"Alec? Alexander please look at me. Please."

Alec couldn't, he just couldn't.

Magnus saw him struggling. He knew the boy was fighting an epic battle against himself and all he wanted to do was to pull Alec into his arms and hold him, keep him safe, make everything better. He kept a hand firmly on Alec's arm not allowing him to pull away. With his other hand he turned Alec's head toward him tilting his chin up so Alec had to look him in the eye.

"Let me help you." he said simply.

"What?" Alec asked utterly confused.

"Let. Me. Help. You." Magnus repeated slowly. "Alexander whatever the problem is I will you help get through it. I just need you to let me."

"You don't think I'm weak? Or unstable? Or just plain mental?" Alec asked in a rush.

"Weak? Of course not. And unstable and mental are mere matters of opinion. I have been called both and to me they simply mean unique."

"Maybe you are a bit mental then." Alec said with a weak smile.

"Perhaps." Magnus said dismissively, he was not to be detracted from the matter at hand, which was of course saving Alec from Alec.

"Alexander why?"

"I was scared...panicking...it's calming... in a sick twisted way." he whispered his voice full of shame.

"Scared of what?" oh please don't let this be because of me...

Alec didn't say anything, he couldn't. He was too busy fighting down a wave of panic and a fit of tears.

Magnus saw the distress on his face and traced a soothing circle on his arm. To his relief Alec didn't pull away so he kept going, slowly creeping his way up his arm. He was silent, just waiting for Alec to be able to say something. Alec seemed to be relaxing under his touch so he let his hand wander up and down his arm getting closer and closer to his upper arm. When he reached the edge of his sleeve he slipped his fingers under it.
Despite everything Alec found himself shivering in pleasure- this was what he longed for. He craved this sort of contact but he had never experienced it before.
Magnus felt a strange longing to make him shiver again. Of all the relationships he'd been in he had never cared about the other person this much. He wanted to see him smile. More than anything in the world he wanted to make him feel loved. He knew he the boy felt worthless. He wanted to show him how much he was really worth; how nothing should ever lead to him hurting himself like this.

Magnus moved his hand up a little more and froze.

"Alexander." he breathed, in shock.

Alec stared at him for a moment realizing what had just happened, the bigger scars...Magnus's hand was still lingering on them still as he yanked his arm away.

"I- I'll just go..." he stammered jumping up.

"No." Magnus said firmly, grabbing his hand and not letting go.

"You are not leaving until I know what's wrong, and make it better if I can." Magnus said feeling a weird feeling he assumed must be love.

"There's no way you can still want to be with me. Just let me go." Alec's voice was disturbingly calm.

"I can't do that. I don't know why but I can't. It's quite irrational of me really, and yet I can't, so here we are."

"You are nuts, you know that right?" Alec muttered under his breath.

"I do actually. Now do let us get to the matter at hand."

Alec simply stared at him his blue eyes full of fear and pain.

"Come now Alexander, it can't be all that bad."

But Alec wasn't listening, all he could think of was how much better than him Magnus was and how his father was right he should have just killed himself. He yanked his arm away and bolted out the door not stopping till he was in his own room with the door locked behind him.

He picked up his pocket knife and winced as the cold metal sliced through his skin.

Why was he doing this?
What was he doing?
How far was he going to go?
All the way?
Who would care?
No one.
But he still wouldn't go that far. Not right now. He just needed to clear his head; he needed to figure out what to do now.
He wished he'd never come here...maybe he could call Jace.
But what would that do?
Nothing.
He picked up his phone anyway. If it was the other way around he would want Jace to call him...

Magnus banged on the door.

"If you don't let me in I'll keep banging till I wake everyone up." Crap. That was the last thing he needed.

Magnus waited for a moment and sure enough the door opened. Alec was standing there, blood trickling down his arm. Magnus closed his eyes for a moment fighting back the urge to scream.
"Come here." he said forcing his voice to be calm and steady.

"Just leave me alone." Alec half begged half snarled, furious that Magnus had to witness this,yet wanting nothing more than to fall into Magnus's arms and be held till he was able to think clearly. But that wasn't going to happen. He made another quick cut. It didn't matter that Magnus was standing there; he already knew anyway.
"ALEXANDER LIGHTWOOD!"
Magnus was instantly on top of him, grabbing the knife, shoving it in his pocket, pulling Alec into his arms and holding him so tightly it almost hurt.

"Don't you ever do that again!" said Magnus frantically.
Alec looked up at him in shock. "I wasn't going to go all the way." he protested as if he really thought that made it better.
"Alec." he whispered as he ran a hand up the boy's arm, tracing the scars with his finger tips.
Alec shivered and Magnus paused.

"Do you want me to stop?"

Alec's perfect blue eyes were still filled with fear but he shook his head. Alec found himself beginning to relax as Magnus held him, gently stroking him as if he wasn't worthless and better off dead, as if he really did matter.

Magnus looked at the boy in his arms and felt the need to never let him go.

"We need to do something about this bleeding." Magnus said after a while, not wanting to let him go, but although the bleeding wasn't horrible it was a bit worse than his normal scratches and it needed to be stopped.

"I'm bleeding on you." Alec said as he noticed that his blood was all over Magnus's shirt and arms.

"Don't worry about it." he said pushing Alec away from him."Let's go to my room and get you cleaned up."

"I'm fine. You don't need to do this."

"I know. But I'm going to anyway."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

"What are you doing?" Alec asked panicking.

"Taking your shirt off." came Magnus's shockingly calm reply.

"Might I ask why?" he was freaking out but he didn't want to show exactly how much.

"You might."
He rolled his eyes, "Allow me to rephrase that.
"You're allowed."
"Why?"
"Why are you allowed?"
"Magnus!" Alec said sounding frustrated
"Sorry, sorry." he muttered not looking sorry in the least. "If you must know and I suppose you must, I want to see your scars and see if I can heal them."
"Heal them?"
"With magic of course."
Alec stared at him blankly.
"Didn't you know I was a warlock?"
Alec kept staring.
Magnus chuckled gently, "Alec I just want to rub some vitamin E on them. It will help them heal."
"Will it make the scars go away?"
"It will fade them yes. I must confess though scars or no I have my own slightly selfish reasons for wanting your shirt off." He said this both because it was true and because Alec needed to know he didn't want to fade the scars to make him prettier to look at (he was perfect as he was), but because Alec didn't need that reminder of pain and suffering.
Alec just looked at him, Magnus knew what he was trying to decide.
"So can you trust me?"
Alec took a deep breath, he knew it wasn't Magnus he didn't trust. Jace was right. He needed to trust himself and right now that meant trusting Magnus and giving himself a chance at happiness.
"I can try."
"That's all I ask."
"Oh Alec." Magnus breathed when he had removed the boy's shirt and saw the tiny scars all over Alec's upper arms, some on his lower arms and even a few on his stomach.
Alec looked away.
"Alexander you need to tell me why you do this. It needs to stop Alec. I can help you."
"I just...I don't know. It started when the guys at school would make fun of me for not having a girlfriend...and...I don't even know..." he stammered.
"How old were you?" this had clearly been going on for a long time.
"Fourteen. Just before Jace came." having the other boy there had helped. Of course he often felt awkward around him but Jace never seemed to notice (although in truth he knew what Alec was. Had he been raised in an environment where being gay was rare and everyone thought like Robert then perhaps he wouldn't have seen it. But he did see it and he tried his best to get the other kids to leave his brother alone. Though he never knew how Alec felt about him).
"If it wasn't for him...I might not be here."
"As much as I dislike that boy I do suppose I'm now eternally grateful to him." Magnus said prompting a small smile from Alec.
"Okay this might sting a little." Magnus warned as he wet a clean soft cloth with hydrogen peroxide.
Alec clenched his jaw against the pain as he watched Magnus carefully wipe away the blood and disinfect the new cuts. Then Magnus got out the Vitamin E.
"I'm going to do all the scars except the newest. Okay? But I want to start rubbing it on those tomorrow. If you start then they'll be all but invisible in a week or two."
"You want rub it on tomorrow?" Alec asked not believing what Magnus seemed to be implying.
"If you'll let me."
Alec just nodded.
Twenty minute later Magnus lead a still shirtless Alec into his bedroom.
"You want to stay here tonight? I'm not sure I want to leave you alone just yet."
"I'll be fine."
"You want to stay anyway?"
"I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me." Alec said, but he wanted to stay more than anything.
"Please stay Alexander."
Alec nodded. "Okay." he said awkwardly.
"Yaay!" Magnus squealed making Alec pulled him to the bed and Alec froze.
"We can just sleep. It's okay. I'll wait till your ready."
"It's just..."
"It's okay Alexander, I'd rather we take our time anyway. You have all the time you need."
Magnus sat down on the bed pulling Alec down next to him. "I can even leave my shirt on if you would rather."
"What so you get to see me shirtless but I don't get the same?" Alec smiled shyly "Not a chance."
Magnus smiled as he removed his shirt and leaned toward Alec. "Tell me when to stop." he whispered.
Alec stiffened as his lips touched Magnus's for the first time but he didn't pull away. 'I'll tell him to stop in a second.' he told himself, but he didn't. He groaned in pleasure as Magnus nibbled his lip, and when he felt Magnus smile against his lips he had to smile back. Finally Magnus pulled away.
"You okay now?"
He didn't answer. He just leaned in for another kiss