This is a parody! Don't take it too siriusly. Got that?

There it was the Hogwarts Express train. Amber Celestia Violet Sapphire Goldstone quickly said goodbye to her evil, adopted parents and got on to the scarlet train. She was wearing a Hogwarts uniform, which was alerted to fit her perfect body. She was wearing a black skirt, which was as dark as a raven, flying in the pitch black night which was several inches above her perfectly long legs, which were covered by black knee socks that were as dark as coal as it was being mined 20k leagues below the chocolate brown earth. She was also wearing a white shirt over her perfect hourglass body that no other girl had (they were so jealous of her!), the shirt was ironed and bleached, it was white like pure snow falling slowly from the sky on a dark, depressing night, and a tie that was as red as a rose, freshly picked from a garden in the cool summer morning, packaged and given to the one you loved the most. She had golden blond hair that bounced, and shimmered, and shined in the sunlight, her hair was wavy, and they reached down to her perky D cup breasts, like a river of liquid gold, and her eyes were like golden, like amber. They flashed and changed color too, and they were full of sorrow and sadness and woe. When you gazed inside them, you would instantly be captivated by such beauty and perfection, and you could be lost for hours just admiring her.

Amber wandered around, searching for an empty compartment, she was aware of all the boys staring at her perfect, beautiful, sexy body, and she knew that the girls were instantly jealous. She sighed. It was always like this. Amber never had an easy life. When she was born (she's from Forks, WA), her mother died from childbirth and her dad got so depressed that he shot himself. She was soon adopted, by her new parents were evil, they hit her, raped her, forced her to do all the housework, starved her, forced her to live in a mini-closet thing under the stairs, she was even tortured, and threatened with death a few times. But no matter how bad things got, Amber would never report them to the cops, she was too nice for that, and she always forgave them, even if they did pour scalding hot water over her when she refused to get up one morning because she had pneumonia. Amber's life at school was miserable; she was constantly picked on and bullied by the other girls who were jealous of her stunning looks, kind personality, and perfect grades (she's a straight A student with photographic memory, she never had to study). She forgave them too, and she never told on them, even when they dunked her head in the toilet after someone crapped in it. The boys all had crushes on her, but she never returned their feelings, she told them they could be friends though, and they were very happy about that (they weren't even angry or sad about getting friendzoned!). She was always kind, helpful, cheerful, amazing, cute, beautiful, clever (her IQ is over 9000), classy, elegant, sophisticated, selfless, good-natured, caring, forgiving, loyal, strong, flawless, and brave despite her horrible life.

When she was 11, she received letters, but her evil adoptive parents wouldn't let her have them, so a guy from the American School for Wizards and Stuff came to their house and explained everything to her. She went to that school, got perfect grades, was picked on and bullied by the girls, and loved by the boys, until her evil parents made the deciosn to move to England. Now she was enrolled at Hogwarts (she's 16), and even though her life sucked, she was still kind, helpful, cheerful, amazing, cute, beautiful, clever, classy, elegant, sophisticated, selfless, good-natured, caring, forgiving, loyal, strong, flawless, and brave. She was also hopeful; she knew that someday, she would find happiness.

At that moment (Amber is now sitting down in a compartment), a boy about her age, with pale blond hair, like dried straw in the tan, cracked earth after a long season of drought and gray eyes, like light misty clouds in the pale gray sky on a typical rainy day in Forks. He was wearing crisp black pants, with a Slytherin tie and an ironed white shirt, which was as white as the fluffy clouds on a rare sunny day in Forks.

"Hello," he said, in a low, sexy voice. "May I sit here?"

"Yes," Amber said, her heart started to beat faster, her cheeks turned red, and she set her perfect amber eyes on him. "My name is Amber Celestia Violet Sapphire Goldstone. Who are you?"

"I am Draco Malfoy," he said. "You're so beautiful, like an old painting hanging in a museum. Your eyes are like jewels, sparking under the sunlight on a perfect day, your hair shines so brightly, and it falls perfectly down your hourglass body. I've never seen anyone like you before."

"I'm new here," Amber said in her seductive voice. "You're very handsome too."

Even though boys complimented her all the time, Amber felt that this time it was truly special. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

"Only if it's with someone as beautiful, charming and amazing as you," Draco said.

And then the door opened, and an ugly, fat girl walked in, she was wearing a skirt that was down to her ankles, and a stained shirt that used to be white, but it was now the exact shade of Draco's perfect tousled hair, and a Slytherin tie. She had hair that was the color of diarrhea, and poop brown eyes. Her face was covered with acne, like a pizza…no wait, calling her a pizza is an insult to other pizzas.

"Who the fuck are you, you ugly slut?" She yelled. "You're so ugly! That body of yours is totally not real! You're too thin! Are you anorexic? Those boobs are so not real! Stop wearing that wig! And stay away from my Drakie-Poo!"

Amber eyes started to form clear, icy tears, which then flowed down her perfectly tanned face, with naturally flawless skin. "I'm sorry! I didn't know he was yours!"

"Get the fuck out of here!" the ugly girl (Pansy) said, and Amber did that. She cried silently, as she left, ignoring Draco's expression of shock. She slipped into another compartment, which had three people in it. A guy with black hair, like a panther lurking in the Amazon jungle, just waiting to strike and emerald green eyes that were full of depression and misery and death, a guy with carrot orange hair and blue eyes like the waves of the ocean gently hitting a tropical beach with perfect white sand, and a girl with curly brown hair like mahogany, and matching eyes which were so striking and dark.

"Hello," the green eyed guy said. "I'm Harry Potter. That's Ron and Hermione. Who are you?"

"I'm Amber Celestia Violet Sapphire Goldstone," Amber said.

"You're so beautiful, you must hear this a lot," Harry said. "I love that perfect blond hair of yours, it shines and sparkles like diamonds in the sunlight, and your golden eyes…"

"They're beautiful too," Ron said. "Like amber formed from tree sap in that movie Jurassic Park."

"And I always wanted a body like yours," Hermione said. "You're just so beautiful and perfect. I bet you're smart too."

"Very," I said.

Amber, Harry, Ron and Hermione talked until it was time for them to get to the school, to be sorted. She was glad that for the first time in her life, people were friendly to her, especially the trio who wanted to become instant best friends with her. They wanted her to be part of the DA too. But she couldn't forget about Drako and his smoky gray eyes, tousled blond hair, and his sexy British accent. She wished to see him again.