I got Little Big Town's new CD today, heard this song and thought immediately about Betty and Daniel. (If you like country music, The Reason Why is a great CD.) Some of this is familiar to what I've written before, but I just had to do a fic to go with this song. If anyone gets inspired to do a video, let me know!
Kiss Goodbye
When you lose something
It's all that you want back
You wait impatiently
But it don't work like that
The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. It was one thing for Betty to get a different job. But to not tell him about it, and for the job to be in London, was another thing altogether.
If he was honest with himself, he would know he'd been dreading this from almost the beginning. He convinced himself that by promoting her within Mode she would stay, but deep down he knew the day would come when she would want more than stories about bikinis and comfortable stilettos.
Still, the actuality of her leaving stung more than he ever expected. Looking at the contract waiver she had given him, Daniel remembered that he had a say in whether Betty went away. And if she thought he was going to roll over and do nothing about it, she was sorely mistaken. If he wanted to, he could send her idea of going to London up in flames.
When you lose someone
The first thing that goes through your head
Is if you run fast enough, you just might catch up
But it don't work like that
As it turned out, burning the contract waiver wasn't the bold statement he hoped it would be. He looked lame, and felt lamer. And while his mother was spewing some nonsense about feelings for Betty, she did make one good point. He could convince her to stay. Daniel knew he had personal influence over Betty, and adding a promotion and more money to that influence would surely tip the scale in his favor.
Why would she leave her family, her friends and a place she'd worked so hard to get to at Mode if she had a better offer to stay? Daniel lulled himself to sleep that night with the thought that she would come in his office the next morning, take his offer and everything would go back to normal. He wouldn't have to think about her not being in his life, and he wouldn't have to think about that pesky thing his mom said about feelings.
You just got to watch it fly
Stand there on the sidelines
Go on and swallow up your pride
Know it's gonna be alright
Wish it well and close your eyes
With a kiss goodbye
He could see it in her eyes. That, with the fact that he had never seen her so quiet, told him everything.
He felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. Part of him wanted to protest, to refuse to let her go. But he quickly realized the kick in the gut was about more than a friend moving away, and it was too much to deal with in that moment, sitting so near her while she never took her eyes off of him.
So he swallowed his pain and his pride and signed the contract waiver. And he told her they were good, though he felt twisted inside out. He couldn't stay there and make her feel better. And he couldn't listen to her talk about how much their friendship meant to her. He could let her go, but he couldn't be an active participant in the actual leaving. So he left first.
Well the hardest part
Yeah it hurts so bad
Is when she spreads her wings
But it'd be a selfish thing to try and hold her back
But it don't work like that
It was a curious thing, realizing he had feelings for Betty just as she planned to move an ocean away. His mother kept suggesting he talk to her, but he knew that was a bad idea. As much as it hurt, when he thought rationally about this opportunity Betty had, Daniel felt proud. It was like she had gone from a caterpillar to a butterfly while she was at Mode, and now she was spreading her wings and flying out into the world.
You gotta watch it fly
Stand there on the sidelines
Go on and swallow up your pride
Know it's gonna be alright
Wish it well and close your eyes
With a kiss goodbye
It was a corny cliché, but it suited Betty. And it would be selfish of him to cast this net over her now. He would capture her, he knew it, but for how long? It felt like emotional blackmail, and it felt wrong. So he hid himself from her, watched her from the sidelines, and gave a kiss goodbye to what might have been.
When you lose something
It's all that you want back
He thought he would feel like himself again after she had been gone a few weeks. He thought pouring himself into work would be a good buffer until he could figure out how to live without her.
He hadn't expected to think about her constantly. He hadn't expected to feel so guilty about not saying goodbye. He didn't know he would replay her last voice mail to him several times each day.
And most of all, he didn't know he would give up everything to have a chance with her. But he wanted her back. He wanted her in his life. He wanted her: pure and simple. So here he was, on a plane, taking the biggest risk of his life. For some crazy reason, he believed it would be all right.