I know this is an extremely short oneshot, sorry!
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Dreams.
They haunt me. Find me. Isn't just knowing I left him punishment enough?
Tonight it will be worse. Again, Ichigo will run over to me, shake me awake, and ask where the danger was. He will not ask if I am ok, or what is wrong. Once he is satisfied there is no danger, he will return to his sleep.
Those dreams. Seeing him, my Byakuya.
Sleep claimed me. Thoughts of the previous day swirled in my mind. Taunting me.
One moment kept replaying in my head.
"You." Byakuya looked at my kneeling figure that had so easily stopped his shikai.
I straightened up, unwilling to look into his eyes after so long, and replied, "Long time no see, Byakuya-bo."
My dreams took all of the pleasant parts out.
This repeated itself until I begged my mind to stop it. It pushed me too far. I didn't want to see this. Another thing about dreams, they make everything seem worse that it really was.
I saw his face, his hate, his anger. They all crushed my heart. The man I loved hated me. He loved me to. But I left. I left him with my best friend, a man that he hated. Kisuke needed help. He would have died had I not helped. At the time I could only think about how selfish it would be to stay with Byakuya for my own happiness, but now seeing the hate, anger, and sadness in his eyes, I realize any choice would have been selfish.
The thing that stung most was how sad he looked. Byakuya sad. What would be the point in explaining that I only left with Kisuke because it was a life or death situation? He would just get angrier at me. He doesn't listen to reason when he decides to kill someone. He just does it.
I am usually not a soft and gooey emotional person. But with Byakuya, I melt. I remember when we were little, I would steal his hairties and he would lose his temper and chase after me to get it back. He never won. I always went home later with his hairtie still in my hand. I didn't want to hurt him, but in order to survive and save Rukia, I had to.
Images, pictures. Hate, anger. Everything he felt about me laid out for me to see. His eyes were so full of anger and hate, yet they were filled with a hollow loneliness, too. I knew the other Kuchki nobels would force him to marry, but I never expected him to break the rules.
We were set to marry, and then I left. He was forced to choose another wife, and then she died. Loneliness is not something Byakuya would admit to, but I could see it and it hurt me more than I did this to him than the fact that he was trying to kill me.
I awoke with silent tears streaming down my face. There's no going back now.