Sherlock laid down on the sofa in his usual manner, figure straight and relaxed, both ends of his body in a state of comfortable elevation, eyelids shut in a style that emitted tranquillity, patience and composure but with eyeballs that shifted with such precision, accuracy and confidence they were practically the antonym of calm. Features casual, his face void of emotion in a manner that echoed serenity and placidity, hands together in a praying motion and fingers straightened underneath his chin. He had what some would pin visually as structural components of grace, his mind however had never been granted the luxury of structure or grace. His thoughts were quick-fire like bullets ripping through his reality, they were often hard to cling to, originating as sparks and ending in a wisp of smoke and charcoal that drifted along the atmosphere of the world inside his head, the atmosphere that kept the overwhelming and conflicting emotions he suppressed from escaping to the real world where they would be covered with adhesive labels of judgement and fit into boxes and categories. John had been out for a while. Sherlock had fought with John many times, this one had been the worst though. He had said things that when he was younger would have gotten him thrown out of the house. Worst of all he had said something that even he wasn't proud of. It had just slipped from his mouth, just the thought filling him with regret. He let his mind drift back, grimacing at the pain it caused him to relive it.
"Come on Sherlock, you could go and get the milk sometime, we both live here this is a joint effort" John yelled.
"Alright, alright John, no need to get yourself all worked up over this"
John rolled his eyes.
"Sometimes I feel like you don't even care" he muttered.
At this Sherlock had snapped, he hadn't known exactly what word it was that had sent him over the edge or whether it was the joint sentence but something had struck a chord.
"Talk bullshit to someone else John! Sometimes I wish you had just died in Afghanistan at least then you wouldn't be sitting here nagging at me like a pain in the ass."
John looked shocked. So did Sherlock. They maintained eye contact for longer than was necessary, the consulting detective filling up with a strong kind of regret, one that would never go away and he knew it.
John's face had been covered in an agony Sherlock couldn't avoid, it radiated off of him.
"John…..I…wait!"