I don't understand! I had my whole future mapped out and this was not it. I saw my meeting Jazzy and although we weren't mates, he was so badly damaged that it was easy to convince him we were. Then meeting the Cullens, integrating myself firmly within the family was meant to be easy, but they were more screwed up than I saw.

It was meant to be so simple, why did it not work out? Well in hindsight I realised, I knew nothing about families and I only saw what I wanted. The perfect mother and father to replace my own, who abandoned me to an asylum. Siblings who would dote on me and listen to every word I said as if it was, handed down from god.

But they all had their own agenda's and I didn't take that into account:

Carlisle wanted Edward to love him because he was his mate.

Esme wanted the freedom to be herself but ended up trapped in a sham of a marriage.

Rose wanted revenge and death, but with Emmett's help, she was mainly happy.

Emmett wanted nothing but his Rose.

Edward wanted them all gone, jealous of the affection Carlisle gave to them, well all of us, made him bitter and cruel. Stupid boy, he should have been basking in Carlisle's love and seen he could share it, there was enough to go around.

But I saw none of that through my rose-tinted glasses, what a fool I was. Edward convinced me that he wasn't gay and Carlisle had made a mistake. I knew nothing of vampires either so he fooled me. I was mainly happy in the beginning, but Jasper scared me and I couldn't tell him I'd lied to him about us. The Major kept making sudden appearances in the early days and that was sickening to handle.

I was repulsed by his scars and made him cover up at all times, even when we were intimate. I should have set him free a long time ago, but I needed a protector and I had picked him. His friends hated me, it was as if they knew, so they had to go too. We settled into a routine and I thought everything was fine. How was I to know they were all tricking my gift by not making decisions or making snap ones I couldn't foresee.

It got harder and harder to control them all and I had to resort to lies and subterfuge to keep them in line. Keeping them moving and attending High School that was my idea, trying to bore them into submission and it worked for a while. Then I got wanderlust and used shopping trips to cover up my own sexual indiscretions, I really thought he didn't know.

Again in hindsight that was when things changed, when I went 'Shopping', he went off to see his brother and occasionally was doing the same thing, I didn't see that at first either. We staggered on for another twenty years like that and to humans that would be untenable but to us, it was nothing, nothing at all, we had eternity. But when I started seeing Isabella Swan, again I got it wrong.

I thought her nothing more than an inconvenience to be handled just like everyone else. I was going to fob her off on Edward, but he had become so anal and nasty, no one but Carlisle liked him anymore. Then I slipped and he saw my affairs in my mind and he blackmailed me into doing him sexual favours.

Thank god he was really gay, I the fool still wasn't sure but he never wanted that from me and I was glad. So instead of my plan for Edward to kill her his singer, or later Jasper because of our combined bloodlust. I know it sounds callous, but I was trying to protect my future. Fortunately, she took one look at the asshole and passed, therefore saving her own life.

But she was as I knew she would be, attracted to Jasper, thankfully he was unaware and I thought I'd got away with it. We were moving and that was it, thank god I had thought until Jazz dropped the bombshell on us that he was not coming and it was over and he knew everything. He even had fooled Edward getting round both our gifts easily and Edward was livid.

But now, I am the one left alone, Rose, Emmett and Esme have gone with Jazz to Texas, Edward finally relented and gave into his feeling's for Carlisle, they are off to Alaska. They offered to have me join them but no, time to start again, maybe, this time, I should be more honest and just live and let live. This time, no family were vampires, it's meant to be a coven, not a family, I see that now.

So I'm off to do a tour of the fashion houses of Europe, Tanya Denali is joining me, she's fun and enjoys the odd dalliance so it won't be dull. With any luck I'll meet my mate, he has been conspicuous by his absence in my visions and it's so annoying. But for once I'm going to just let life happen to me, I have been slow to learn but I've got it now. Destiny will not be thwarted, by me or anyone else.

As for Bella Swan, god she's a charmed one that girl. In about seven years she will meet Jasper once again and this time without any interference from me or anyone else they may just may get it together. But that's up to them, sink or swim depends only on themselves next time around.