A random story I did because I was feeling…witty. Not pretty or gay (you know the song I'm quoting…right?)…just witty. So, yeah.

Warning(s): Shounen-ai; hints of yaoi; random authoress babbling.
Review, please.

-t-s-u-b-a-s-a-n-o-h-i-k-a-r-i-

This kitten is on a suicide mission, he thought, looking at the gray, stripy bundle of fur trying to mindlessly attack the scratching post with its little claws. Kinda like I was a few years ago.

He picked the mini-cat up, ignoring its meowed complaints, and walked over to the counter. The neko continued to squirm in his arms, and he hushed it with a soft pet to the head.

Daisuke, blinking, walked into the kitchen and helped himself to a glass of water. "What're you doing up so late at night?"

"Watching your kitten go on a suicide mission."

"My cat's committing ritual suicide?"

"Hara-kiri?"

"No."

"Ah."

This very literate conversation was followed by an immense pause, very climactic and whatnot. I'll just let that drag on for a while, to increase the suspense…

…

…aah! Very suspenseful. After a while, Daisuke was feeling rather…awkward about the whole thing, and liberated the now-hissing clump of fur from Satoshi's arms. "Y'know, Satoshi? It's bad to let cats hiss at you. That means they're angry."

"Oh…I thought purring meant that…"

There was a stunned silence emanating from Daisuke's direction. He finally got the verbosity to stutter, "R-r-really?!"

"Yes…I haven't worked around animals much, you see…"

"Y…yeah…"

"And cats tend to…somewhat frighten me."

A chibi Dark appeared, laughing hysterically, in Daisuke's mind. "ARE YOU (ha ha) SERIOUS (hahahah) CREEPY BOY?!?"

Daisuke hurriedly shut Dark up with a well-aimed mental rubber ducky, and brought his mind back to Satoshi, who was looking venomously at thin air approximately five feet from Daisuke's nose.

"Uh…Satoshi?" asked the flame-haired boy, waving his hand in Satoshi's face.

"Damn you…I mean, sorry!" said Satoshi, beginning to blush a soft rosé.

"Krad?"

"Yeah…he and I aren't getting along very well," answered Satoshi in his almost-impeccable grammar.

There was another silence, during which the duo sneaked glances (in turn) at the diminutive neon clock on the microwave. Dark said something rather inappropriate to Daisuke, and he soon found the Mickey Mouse magnet on the fridge extremely interesting.

Satoshi was facing his fair share of embarrassment…Krad wouldn't shut up about what would happen if Daisuke and himself got in a bedroom together…and let's just say that Krad went into more details than that.

Krad might secretly be a yaoi fangirl…thought Satoshi to himself, then shook all Krad-induced images from his addled head and brought his attention to the kitten, who was back masterminding its suicide mission.

"Daisuke?"

"Hnn?" he answered. Satoshi could tell Daisuke was tired; his hair was droopy and his eyes somewhat glazed over.

"Why'd you get a cat, anyway?"

The redhead brightened up, and picked up the loudly protesting fluffball from its scratching post, where it had resumed its mission. "Well, Mum said that we needed some sort of pet that I could actually give a species for…Wiz doesn't really count as a pet, since he's Dark's familiar."

Satoshi nodded, faking understanding. What the hell was Daisuke talking about, anyway? And why was he suddenly much closer to his ruby eyes?

"Sa-Satoshi?"

Closer…why were his feet moving? Wait, he couldn't feel his feet, either. But that was okay… He just knew he was really, really happy…

"Satoshi?!? What're you doing?! Wha-mmph!"

Suddenly Satoshi's mind was sharp again, and the first thing that came to his mind was Krad's kissing Daisuke. Oh my gawd. OH MY GAWD!!! KRAD'S EFFING KISSING EFFING DAISUKE!!! AAHHHHHHH!!!!

Due to language restrictions and the fact that this is merely a T-rated fanfiction, I'll leave out some of the more…explicit…portions of his rant. But rest assured, it was rant-like. Extraordinarily rant-like, seeing as it was a rant. Who'd have thought?

Anyways, while I was off babbling in the sidelines, Krad and Daisuke had crossed the line from merely kissing to full-on making out. Satoshi was trying not to puke his guts out, and Dark was passed out in shock.

Suddenly Emiko walked in on them. Krad had his hand halfway up Daisuke's shirt, and Daisuke was currently trying to throttle Krad's tonsils…with his tongue. They froze in place, waiting for all hell to break loose.

"Heya, Dai-chan! Just getting a cup 'o' water! Good ol' H-two-O!"

"…"

"Well, see you in the morning! You too, Krad- san!"

"…"

Daisuke shrugged and carried on making out with Krad, who was somewhat weirded out.

Dark and Satoshi gasped and carried on getting out of their respective other halves' brains.

More stuff happened, which other, more yaoi-oriented writers can write for me, but I'm not going to because I'm not that sort of gutter-minded person. Needless to say, Dark and Satoshi fainted in their respective heads.

-d-u-e-t-o-l-a-c-k-o-f-i-n-t-e-r-e-s-t-t-o-m-m-o-r-o-w-i-s-c-a-n-c-e-l-l-e-d-

"'Morning, Dark."

"Morning, Daisuke."

Dark sat up, which was somewhat a surprise…he was in physical form this morning, which made him happy. He looked over at the window, then down, and nearly died of asphyxiation.

Satoshi was sleeping quietly next to him.

It was then that the events (see above rant regarding events) of last night found their way into his head, events that would give any yaoi fangirl a severe nosebleed lasting several hours.

Satoshi woke up to a strangled cry of "Noooooo!!" Due to his low blood pressure, he opened his eyes and lay in place for about five minutes, until he could feel his feet again. He sat up. Saw Dark. Lay back down and tried not to scream his intestines out. (Yes, I know that's impossible. Roll with it, people, roll with it.)

Daisuke and Krad, however, thought this a good time to take back over…

…which they did.

And so the kitten, unaware of the loud mind-screaming that one purple-haired kaitou and one blue-haired commander were commencing, carried on scratching at its cursed scratching post.

Ah, it thought, stretching out its claws. That felt better.

-f-i-n-

An oneshot. If reviewed, might be a twoshot. Happy Valentine's Day. And Year of the Rat. Yay for Yuki!

-blakemckenzie-dameofmaracas-aishiterustaggerlee-daisukeismyboyfriend-