Okay, before I start this, let me just say: I am not a fan of Twilight, but I don't hate it either. The films ruined it for me, personally. This parody is for both fans and haters of Twilight. Hope you like it, watch out for the next installment and thanks for reading!
Twilight Parody
About three things I was absolutely positive.
First, Edward was a vampire.
Second, there was a part of him – and I didn't know how dominant that part might be – that thirsted for my blood.
And third, I was unconditionally and irre… irrevoc… Well, I rated him.
Preface
I'd never given much thought to how I would die – mainly because it totally freaks me out, I mean I'd be six feet under and all, how would I be able to breath – but it's something I've unfortunately had to think about in the last few months – but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.
I stared without breathing – okay, that's a lie, if I didn't breathe I would totally die – across the long room, into the eyes of this guy who I think was trying to eat me at the time, but y'know, same old, same old. He looked pleasantly back at me, which, if you think about it, is not pleasant at all, given my situation.
Surely it was a good way to die – being brutally killed and drained of your blood by some psychotic bastar—anyway! But it's also good to die in the place of someone you love. I could go as far as saying it was noble. Not that anyone would know it. Why am I such an idiot? But, that ought to count for something… unfortunately, I wouldn't find out what it counted for as I was about to be ripped to shreds.
For God's sake, if I'd never gone to Forks, I wouldn't have to freaking die right now! But, because I am such a douche, I can't bring myself to regret coming to Forks. Even if life is so unfair that as soon as a sparkly hunk of rock comes into your life, you inconveniently die.
The psycho smiled at me, clearly because he's insane, and strutted forward to end my unfair life.