Disclaimer: This here is to inform everyone that this piece of work is fan fiction, and that I do not in any away, own all rights to The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, or even part of it.
Chapter 1
There are times I wonder why I'm the one that has to suffer through this.
Let's consider: there are over six billion people on this little mud-ball we normal people call 'Earth', and for the sake of simplicity, let us say that Asia itself accounts for only one hundred million of this extraordinary sum. I have absolutely no idea what the population is of Japan, but again for the sake of argument, let's just say that it's one twentieth of the entire continent's. That's about 5 million people, and yet out of all those people, I'm the one who's been dealt the duty of keeping Haruhi Suzumiya in check, a task which I will gladly declare as the cause of my gray hair if I ever get some.
There are other people helping me, of course. I'm not going to be so callous as to not mention those people who are probably the sole reason I'm actually aware of this duty - not to mention the only reason I haven't gone insane or quit this stupid group.
Well, one of the only reasons. Haruhi would also be pretty upset if I did. There's nothing hidden under those words so don't go looking, by the way. Taniguchi is still heckling me ever since I told him that, but then, he has the luxury of not knowing what Haruhi can do when she's upset. It's the perk of having powers beyond any rational or irrational thought.
I guess that's really the problem. Since I've been 'chosen', I have to take part in everything that happens whether I want to or not. What really irks me though isn't the fact that I can't get her upset, but the fact that even if I did, I'd have to press the reset button as part of duty as Guardian of All Life As We Know and/or Don't Know It. If Haruhi gets upset enough with the world, it's my job to restore balance. I'm only 15 years old!
"Kyon! Get up, you lazy bum!"
Ah, if it isn't the screeching harpy herself now.
Ignoring my sense of personal space. Haruhi grabs my tie, forcing me out of my chair and towards the computer. I can already tell that this is going to result in me spending the rest of today's lunch time (along with the better part of tomorrow's most likely) tweaking the SOS Brigade's website to fit Haruhi's impossible standards.
It doesn't mean I'm not going to avoid it if I can though. "I'm perfectly capable of walking Haruhi, so would you care to let me go?"
She doesn't even bother to look back at me. "No."
I attempt to wrench my tie out of her clamp-like grasp, although I might as well be trying to move a mountain.
"You could just tell me what you want."
"That's pointless," she says as she forces me into the chair, "You're an underling and underlings aren't meant to know more about their superiors's plans than they are told, idiot."
Haruhi, I probably know more about you than your own mother does; not that I can tell you that though.
Sighing in resignation, I once again concede the argument to her and log on to the internet. I could probably have come up with a counter-argument, but honestly, the victory would not have been worth the brainpower necessary to outsmart her or the headache that would follow.
Surprisingly, my 'superior' doesn't start demanding nonsensical things to be done to the SOS Brigade's homepage when it first pops up. Instead, she tells me to go to an atlas website. Looks like I was wrong before. Unfortunately, Murphy's Law likes to play around with me and mostly when Haruhi is around. Whatever she's planning, I'm pretty sure it isn't going to be simple.
Again I ask her what this is about, but she replies with that underling and superior answer she gave me before - in the same flippant tone albeit with a harder 'What are you, stupid'? sort of edge. Where's a mind reader when you need one? Usually whenever Haruhi does something, it's either glaringly obvious or she tells me about it right away, as if she's expecting me to congratulate her or something. I still haven't forgotten the baseball debacle; I didn't even want to play in the first place!
"Still too broad!" she screams, in response to the search terms she had me put, I might add.
You know, if you'd let go of my neck collar, I might be able to do something about it! I can hardly see straight with my head lolling around like this!
"Stop complaining!" she commands me. "Or else!"
Am I the only one that notices how hostile she seems right now? Where's Koizumi with one of his plans to please Haruhi when you need him?
"Or else what?" I ask, probably sounding very cocky. All of her punishments usually involve me doing menial chores until she is satisfied, or treating everyone in the SOS Brigade to a free meal, and while neither of those are particularly good, my curiosity is getting the better of my common sense, so there just doesn't seem a reason not to throw her words back at her. Well, either that or I'm simply feeling annoyed that Haruhi is telling me what to do again, your choice.
"Or else I'll kick you out of the Brigade."
Oh.
If there's one thing that Koizumi has tried to assure me of after all this time, it's that there is something about me that makes me special, something that was the reason Haruhi wanted me here in the Brigade in the first place. I personally think there's nothing spectacular about me at all, but there's no denying the fact that there has to be a reason I'm here in the first place, even if it's something stupid like Haruhi wanting her own pack mule. Considering this, you can understand my complete shock even after all that complaining I just did.
"What?" she asks, apparently confused with my reaction.
'What'? What do you mean 'what'? You just threatened to ban me from the club and you think I'm not going to be surprised? Is this some kind of sick joke? Did Taniguchi put you up to this?
Despite the irrationality of my thoughts and my tempestuous feelings, I think I managed not to betray any of it to Haruhi, who was giving me the same look you'd give a dog that won't sit when you tell it to.
I mutter a quick "Nothing" to the question and satisfied, she tells me to go on. I do, but that doesn't mean I can stop thinking about it.
There's something wrong with Haruhi today. Granted, there's always something wrong with Haruhi, but this isn't your usual eccentricity. No, I'm pretty sure there's something to this puzzle, but the problem is I feel like I have pieces from several other puzzles and am expected to put them together perfectly! I'd have a better chance trying to figure out a Rubix Cube.
OK, calm down. Breathe in, breathe out. Remember who you are. You're the one that keeps everything together; you're the one that makes sure Haruhi doesn't go too far with her crazy stunts (though the 'too far' line has been moved back quite a lot); you're the one that protects Miss Asahina from becoming a life-sized doll of Haruhi's (a sad reflection of how away from me that line has gone); you're the voice of reason in this unreasonable group; you're -
"There!"
Suddenly I feel myself being ushered out of the chair by a very forceful Haruhi, who looks very eager at the sight of the page I opened: a map of Osaka.
"What's the rush?" I ask, trying to sound uninterested in what she was up to even though the fact I even asked shows I'm not.
As a demonstration to how oblivious she can be though, Haruhi doesn't pick up on my mistake.
"No time to talk. Gotta run. Tell you later." And just like that, she sends the page to the school printer and zooms out of the room at a faster pace than I've ever seen her run
No time to talk? She had a whole ten minutes to explain what she was doing and now she says 'no time to talk'? Just what is going on?
I contemplate running after her, but chances are I'd tire out after five minutes and only manage to work up a sweat. I have no delusions about how physically adept I am compared to an extremely fit Haruhi. I'm not out of shape, but no one can compare to her when it comes to athletics, not even the coaches.
Sighing, I turn to the computer for some clues. Why would she want a map? Of Osaka at that? Could it be that she's found another sponsor for that damn sequel she wants to do there? Or maybe we're going to go on another one of our exploration missions over there, since we unsurprisingly didn't find anything on our last ones. But then why the attitude?
I sigh again. I want to ignore this. I want nothing more than to just turn off the computer and go home. I want to believe this is all something that'll blow over eventually, with only your average Closed Space to look forward to, but unfortunately I don't have the power to distort reality to my will. I'm just the guy that gets dragged along for the ride.
Too bad I don't have a seat belt.
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After that incredibly perplexing experience, I resumed my previous position on the chair and patiently waited for the time I'd be able to go home without having the Brigade leader block my way. I once tried going home early, but I only got so far as the end of the hallway before Haruhi conveniently showed up and dragged me back to the clubroom. Does she have some sort of security system watching our movements? She can't honestly expect everyone to wait for her, can she?
Speaking of everyone, where are they? Considering Haruhi's behavior, Koizumi might be dealing with esper issues, but Nagato? Miss Asahina? Did they all simultaneously decide to take a sick day, or were the other two doing Haruhi-related things as well?
Sad thing is, they probably have some good excuses, sparing them the full wrath of Mount Suzumiya while I have to bear with it.
And speaking of wrath, why the hell did she threaten to kick me out? I hadn't come to a conclusion yet and it was bugging me. Yes, I talked back to her, but so what? I've done that plenty of times before; what's so different about now? And one more thing: why threaten in the first place? Usually she just penalizes me without any warning. Foresight is a feature that she is severely lacking at times, so her understanding consequences for actions is a hard concept for me to grasp.
Maybe it's obedience training. Sometimes when a dog misbehaves, the owner, instead of going right to the water spray, gets the dog back in line with a phrase of sorts that serves as a trigger for the submissive side of the animal. I can just imagine Haruhi on a sled, whip in hand, going "Hyah, hyah" over and over while I try to pull her by myself.
I just compared myself to a sled dog.
"Everyone relates themselves with some animal at one point. I myself like to think I'm more of a soldier ant than a dog though."
That voice . . .
Turning toward the doorway, I find myself looking at the SOS Brigade's unofficial Yes-man.
"Why are you here so late?" I ask in lieu of a hello. Thankfully it's Koizumi and he doesn't even notice.
Not bothering to remove that permanently plastered smile of his, Koizumi strolls into the clubroom at a leisurely pace and sits down.
"Hey, did you even hear my question?"
"Of course I did," he answers, "However, I'm afraid it's a complicated one to answer."
I sigh, though whether it's out of exasperation with Koizumi, resignation to my current role as fate's scapegoat, or just pure nervousness is up to debate. Someone, please tell me what I'm supposed to do, because I'm at a loss.
"Does it have to do with Haruhi?" I ask.
The esper, now pouring himself some of the cold tea I had made earlier out of sheer boredom, nods but doesn't say anything. Am I going to have to ask what it is, as well? I'd have thought that the question would be obvious.
Thankfully, it would seem that his postponing the issue has come to an end when he sits down right across from me.
"You look serious, Kyon," he comments. I guess I was wrong.
Normally I would retain my usual bored expression at seeing him in front of me. But today's not a normal day, and thus I probably do look really serious. I don't explain this though, and instead get right to the point: "What is going on, esper boy?"
He at least has the decency to look embarrassed. "Ah well, you see, it involves Miss Suzumiya."
Doesn't it always?
"And it's also caused the Organization quite a lot of trouble lately."
"Your Organization has trouble whenever Haruhi is upset. How big of a Closed Space does she make when she forgets her homework, huh?"
"About 1.5 kilometers in diameter, but that's beside the point."
Wow, Haruhi. Talk about making mountains out of molehills. "Then what is the point?"
Koizumi's smile falls from his face, and suddenly I get one of those sudden feelings that something bad has happened and you're only just now finding out.
"Miss Suzumiya may be dropping out of school."
Run that by me again?
End Chapter 1
I wonder if I'm doing a good thing here, starting another story while I'm still doing another? It seems a bit preemptive on my part but I'm willing to try. Plus, this story was begging to be posted when I typed it, which was actually about a week ago, and I've been debating whether I actually can do it. I'll stick with it, and I'll definitely not make the chapters incredibly long like in my other one so updates may actually be regular and not random. Ah well, I'll burn that bridge when I get to it. I actually had it all written out beforehand but then it was just a oneshot, and now it isn't.
Not much I can say, since this is only the first chapter. Also I'd like to thank Esbee for being my beta on this chapter and for the story, so you wouldn't have to suffer through my sometimes atrocious grammar and useless rambles.
I'm sure some are probably half expecting this, but I'd appreciate it if reviews were left. Always room for improvement after all.