Title: Cold Guilt
Word Count: 2,562
Genre: Angst
Pairings: Multiple
Rating: T for blood and violence
Glass was vulnerable, fragile, and he felt like he was glass. Not just because he felt fragile, but because the person standing in front of him could see right through his lies.
Nightwing knew Wally could hear the hesitation in his voice. When he had called Artemis telling her that he wanted her back in the game, he knew Wally had known it wasn't just any mission he needed her for. When Nightwing had told Wally, Artemis and Kaldur his plan, Wally had been the one to object to his idea.
Nightwing knew his plan was dangerous. He knew he was risking his friends lives. But risks need to be taken.
Wally had only agreed to his plan because Artemis was so desperate to get back into costume and be taking down villains.
Dick used to think their friendship could last forever. He thought their bond was so strong nothing could break it. He was wrong. Their bond started breaking. It started with thin hairline cracks. Little arguments. Then the cracks became bigger, and their bond crumbled into nothing but a million little pieces.
Nightwing stood behind the crates in Bludhaven, waiting for the others to show up. Anticipation crawled through his bones as he stared at the holographic image of him and Artemis. We'll laugh about this someday. They never did.
"Wally?" Nightwing said.
He left his hiding place, only to see Kaldur. He stared into Kaldur's eyes, staring into the dark pits. For a moment, they just stared, until Wally walked out from behind the crates in which he hid. A hooded figure followed, and even though Nightwing knew exactly who she was, Nightwing was still twitching at the sight of Artemis. She slipped the hood off, revealing her blonde hair.
Nightwing gave Artemis the glamour charm, explaining it's uses. He and Wally watched Kaldur and Artemis leave, both of them disappearing into the ship.
"The hard part's over. We're in." Nightwing said.
Wally glared back him, his eyes were like a blizzard, a cold green blizzard.
"No, it only gets worse from now on."
Wally glared at him one more time, before turning around and walking away.
Dick used to think that many things were perfect. He used to think that his team was perfect, he used to think that Alfred and Bruce were perfect. He used to think Barbara and Zatanna were perfect. But most of all, he thought his friendship with his teammates were perfect. That was five years ago. Dick knew that nothing was perfect now. Most of all, he knew his plan, was far from perfect.
"Do you even know that Artemis can get killed by this?" Wally shouted.
"Of course I know, but we need to find out more about The Light's partner!" Nightwing countered.
Wally narrowed his cold green eyes at him. "No," He hissed. "What we do need to find out is how Dick Grayson got replaced by someone like you."
The words bounced around inside Nightwing's head. What we do need to find out is how Dick Grayson got replaced by someone like you. It was like someone had just run him over with a truck. Why would Wally say that?
Wally turned around and started walking away. Then, he turned his head back to face him.
"So what matters more to you? Your friend's life, or The Light's partner?"
Then Nightwing realized why Wally had said that. He hadn't been thinking strait, He'd forgotten about how his teammates would feel about his plan. How his friends would feel. And that brought him to the real question. What does matter more to me? A friend's life, or The Light's partner?
Five years ago he wouldn't have hesitated a second. Now, he wasn't so sure.
. . .
Nightwing knew his plan probably wouldn't work. Now that Cheshire had tried to kill Aqualad, he knew it was about time to reveal his plan. And when he did, he wasn't exactly greeted with happy smiles. He'd flinched at every shout thrown at him.
But now, standing in the Arctic wind, watching the speedsters run circles, he could feel the dread like a few icicles poking at his heart. He could see it was working, but yet he knew something would go wrong.
The icy wind stung Nightwing's face. This was it. If they failed, then that could be the end of everything.
Finally, the wind ceased and h counted two speedsters. Two.
At first his brain couldn't register everything.
"Where's Wally?" Artemis' voice rang out like bells in the clearing. And slowly, Nightwing's brain put the pieces together. He watched as Artemis collapsed into tears. Wally's gone. No, it couldn't be possible. But he knew his eyes weren't lying.
That night he brought Artemis to Central City to see Wally's family.
For what seemed like the thousandth time that week, Nightwing and Tigress stepped out of the ship and on the snow covered ground. He and Tigress had been investigating the site of Wally's 'Death'. And so far, they had found nothing. Nightwing knew when people die, they at least leave a trace. They found none.
Zatanna stepped out of the ship after them, she had agreed to go help them find a clue, to find proof that Wally was either dead, or alive.
As Zatanna investigated the site, Nightwing and Tigress took more samples of the snow and ice. Nightwing felt the cold through his costume. Even though he had been there so many times, the cold still took him by surprise.
Zatanna looked up. "When people die, a part of their spiritual self stays here. I couldn't see Wally's. I think he might be in a different universe or dimension."
Tigress perked up. "You mean Wally's not dead?"
"No." Zatanna confirmed. "But it would be hard to get him back, it would take months, even years to just locate him!"
Nightwing and Tigress shared a look.
"It doesn't matter how long it takes. Just do it." He said.
Zatanna's eyes are dark, but she nods.
"Then we start now." She smiled.
Zatanna's words are a lifeline. Nightwing found himself clinging to her words, her voice like a voice of hope. Every word repeated in his mind.
It may not b a lifeline for him, but it was to Wally.
Wally's family were planning a funeral. They had asked Him and Artemis to help, but they had both declined. Why help plan a funeral if Wally wasn't dead?
Nightwing was one to deliver the news to Red Arrow. He knew Roy wouldn't react well, but that brought him to a different thought. What if he lied to Roy?
No, he wasn't thinkng strait. He shouldn't lie. But why tell the truth if it hurts more than a lie?
He called Roy and told the truth.
.
.
.
.
Nightwing didn't know how long it had been since Wally's funeral. But he knew today was the day Wally dissapeared. Maybe a year had passed. Maybe two. He didn't care.
The smell of burnt cookies brought him back to reality. M'gann walked out carrying a tray of burnt cookies. Nightwing had forgotten the last time M'gann had burnt her cookies. She set them on the table awkwardly.
"Umm, Dig in?"
Artemis was the first to move. She grabbed a cookie and devoured it, looking disturbingly like Wally. Although the cookies were burnt, Nightwing reached for one and bit into the blackened side of the biscuit. The bitter ashen taste filled his mouth. It reminded him of the guilt that was rising from the pit of his stomach, the cold black guilt enveloping his heart.
Artemis grabbed a third cookie, but eating it slowly. He knew what Artemis was thinking. He missed Wally too. Biting into the cookie and savouring the chocolate melting in his mouth. It reminded Nightwing how much he missed the old times.
He missed Artemis' and Wally's constant bickering, he missed begging Red Tornado for missions, he missed M'gann's innocence, he missed watching Conner staring at the static, or helping M'gann with her cooking. He missed Aqualad leading the team and 'Kidnapping' Zatanna. He missed Raquel's attitude. He missed being the hyperactive thirteen year old.
I wish this never happened.
Dick twisted and turned in bed. He was trying his best not to fall asleep. He'd been having nightmares, something he thought he had gotten over. Sadly, he hadn't. It was always the same nightmares every time.
Normally, he would sneak out to do patrol. Not today. He was sure putting pillows under his blanket wouldn't fool Alfred. Dick forced his eyes open again.
He just didn't want to face the dreams again. Not again. He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but finally, he gave in to exhaustion and fell asleep.
Dick was eight again. He was standing on a trapeze platform, a smile gracing his face. As his parents swung through the air he held his hands out, ready to grasp his mother's hands.
Not realizing the screws coming loose above the his parents, Dick grasped his mother's hand as she swung by. Suddenly, the screws came loose.
He fell, still holding his mother's hands. Right before impact, the scene changed.
Nightwing was bound to a metal surface, his hands and feet cuffed to the surface. As he struggled with his binds, a face loomed over his body.
The person standing beside Nightwing was grinning. His body was mangled, his chest heaving and one of his arms half torn off. Blood matted his clothes, only showing small bits of the original color. He was standing with one shoulder lower than the other. The person's face the part that made his heart stop. He bleeding from a wound on the side of his head. A few teeth were missing and his lips were red and puffy. One of his eyes were swollen, but he could still see his eye color.
"Wally." Nightwing said.
Wally's grin twisted into a frown.
"Wally. That's all you say?" He sneered. "Don't you know who did this to me? Do you know whose fault it is? It's all your fault!"
Nightwing didn't talk. This isn't Wally. It can't be.
Wally pressed a knife underneath his chin.
"I want revenge." He hissed.
Nightwing looked around franticly. Artemis! She's right there!
He stared at her, trying to get her attention. When he did, Artemis only grinned back.
Wally let out a laugh, a laugh strangely familiar to Joker's. He removed the knife from his chin and raised it high in the air above Nightwing's abdomen. Wally lowered the knife in an arc. Before the blade could touch him, the scene changed again.
Nightwing was standing in the snow. Tigress was next to him staring forward. In front of them was a black portal. He saw Wally inside, reaching for the two off them, as if struggling to fight something pulling him back. Tigress tried reaching for him, but her arm wasn't long enough. She couldn't reach Wally.
"What are you doing just standing there!?" Tigress shouted. "Pull him out!"
Nightwing hesitated. After what had just happened, how could he? He looked at Wally. His green eyes were pleading, wanting him to help. He looked so innocent, too innocent. Finally, Nightwing reached in the portal. Before he could reach Wally, the scene changed again.
He was standing in a wasteland, everything was gray. There was a big black pit not far from him. Somehow, Nightwing knew it was endless. A figure stood a foot from the pit. The figure was facing him, as if beckoning to come. Nightwing tried to avert his eyes, but somehow, he couldn't move his eyes from the figure.
The person was a male, his body mangled like Wally's. He was limping, like a zombie. A big chunk was ripped out of his chest, giving him a perfect view of his broken ribs and the heart inside. But his heart didn't look right. It was black. And then Nightwing realized the person's blood was black as well. His jaw looked dislocated, his hair hanging over his eyes. The irises were a pale blue, almost white. The person's cheeks were sunken and the were bags under his eyes.
The figure looked right into his eyes.
"Guilt did this to me." He said, pointing at his heart. His voice cracked as he talked. The person sounded like he hadn't drunk any water for years.
The person took one step back. He was only a few inches away from the edge of the pit. Another step he would be dead.
"Nothing can fly forever. One day they will fall. Just like you. The Graysons were never meant to fly. They were meant to fall." The person said.
Then he stepped back, and fell.
Dick woke with a start. Stupid nightmares. He had them so many times, but this time was different. The figure never talked in his other dreams. They Graysons were never meant to fly. They were meant to fall.
Now he finally understood what he meant. Dick had always wanted to fly. As Robin, he had flown. He did good deeds and flew high above the clouds. As Nightwing he made far too many bad choices. Those made him fall, but he never picked himself up. He made up for his mistakes, so he continued falling. Then, he finally realized who the person was. The person in his dream, the one who fell, was himself.
He couldn't just lie here and do nothing. The least he could do was support Zatanna. He had to do something. Something for Wally.
Dick stepped onto the snowy ground. This time he was by himself.
Walking to the clearing where Wally had disappeared, he knelt down in the snow.
"Wally," He started. "I'm sorry for what I did and I hope you can forgive me."
The icy wind blew harder.
"I know I did some bad things, but I hope I can repay you for all you've done for me."
The wind blew so hard he could barely stay on the ground.
"I remember back when I first met you and Roy, and I remember when we were like brothers, always doing everything together."
His cheeks stung from the harsh wind, blowing snow and ice shrapnels in his face.
"I remember back when Kaldur was still the leader, and when you and Artemis wouldn't stop arguing."
The wind blew harder, like a blizzard, it kicked up wind. But Dick stayed where he was.
"Wally, that seemed like so long ago. I miss you as my best friend."
Dick took a shaky breath, ignoring the storm around him.
"I'm sorry."
As he stood up, the wind blew him off of his feet. Dick stood up again, struggling to stay standing. He was knocked down over and over. His muscles burned, trying to fight against the raging storm.
The wind pushed him off his feet one more time. Dick tried pushing himself up again, but he only collapsed back into the snow.
He lay on his back, letting the cold swallow him. Wally, I hope you can hear me. Everything was swallowed in black.
Dick woke up to a bright light, and lots of white. He was laying on a bed with white sheets. A grinning face loomed over him.
At first he didn't recognize who it was. And then it clicked.
"Wally?"
End.