This is stuff I found on facebook. I don't own any of it.
Logic & responsibility told me it was time to get up. The rest of my brain gave logic & responsibility the finger and went back to sleep.
I'm not dirty minded I'm just very creative and imaginative and don't mind sharing ideas!
So if olive oil is made of olives, corn oil is made of corn, and vegetable oil is made of vegetables...what about baby oil? O.o
What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and squishy? What? It's bubble gum. Jeez, what were you thinking?
My guardian angel is bipolar.
I saw a squirrel today and felt sorry for it. It was so cold outside all I could think was "Poor squirrel, I bet it's little nuts are frozen".
polka dotted unicorn monkey taco banana purple fish stick thingy with a mustache !
I so didn't run into the wall I just said hi with my face
How much happier would you be if you saw a duck moon-walking?
I have A.D.O.S. What's that? You want to know what that is? It stands for Attention Deficit...OHHH SHINY... Wait. What were we talking about?
My family is special - any family can drive you crazy but mine passes crazy on through DNA as well!
If someone throws Skittles at you and shouts "TASTE THE RAINBOW!", throw a Happy Meal at them and shout "I'M LOVIN' IT!"
They say guns don't kill people, people kill people. Well I think the guns help because if you stood there & yelled "Bang" I don't think you'd kill many people.
if you think what I'm saying is inappropriate then you should hear what I'm keeping to myself..muahahaha
when people say anything is possible i think about trying to staple pudding to a tree
I wish I could go back to the soft white room again. Those people in white coats are so nice! They even gave me a coat that lets me hug myself! :D
I don't just talk to myself. I talk to myself, get in a debate, lose, and then refuse to speak to myself for the rest of the day.
" - the fear of long words" Now that's just cruel
Repeat after me: Eye yam sofa king wee Todd Ed, sofa king wee Todd Ed. Keep repeating it to yourself, you'll see it is true!
I have a AWESOME plan all I need is a purple giant unicorn named bob,1,000 blue gummy bears, a toaster , a hobo named Steve ,and a partner in crime, any takers?
friend: hey i think your radio is broken,it's squeaking pretty bad. me: no don't worry its just Justin Bieber.
OMG. the little red guy on my left shoulder, just drop kicked the little angel off my right shoulder, UH OH THIS CANT BE GOOD.. HELP
if you hear over the radio that there is a psycho on a tricycle throwing skittles at pedestrians telling them to taste the rainbow, don't worry its only me :)
you may think I'm random but my mind just works faster than yours.
If you fall, I'll catch you. If I miss and you do a face plant on the ground...I'll laugh.
Next time I'm on a job interview and they ask my weaknesses, I'm going to say Kryptonite.
I'm gonna gather the purple penguins, pink elephants, green monkeys, and the red kangaroos and start me a SKITTLE ARMY! hahahaha
WARNING: May trip suddenly over nothing at all
"OH NO" not again! I just once again stepped on a cheerio, Now Dr. Pepper says I'm a serial killer! And the fruit loops are calling the cops!
Some people were dropped as children..But YOU my friend were clearly thrown at a wall!
Whenever I hear the phrase 'anything is possible', I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door ;)
9 out of 10 voices inside my head are calling me insane, the other 1 is humming the sonic the hedgehog theme
laughter is the BEST medicine, and I am well medicated today. In fact, wondering if it is possible to overdose on laughter?
I thought I was going crazy. So i went to a therapist. After half an hour, she paid me to leave. I heard that she is now seeing a therapist.
going to play with the sparkly purple apes and shiny yellow unicorns. Anybody want to come? We are going to visit the Red Leprechaun...
standing on the side of the road with a sign that says "I bet you can't hit me with a quarter" and see how much money I can get for people's idiocy!
The next time you're in Walmart, hide in a clothes rack and when someone is looking through the clothes come out and say "WELCOME TO NARNIA" :)
ROTFLSHMSFOAIDMTAYOMAT= Rolling on the floor laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco and you owe me a taco.
I really would say/think this stuff. Review what you think!