I'm alone now. Finally. My legs are crossed beneath me as I sit on top of my bed facing the window. My eyes are shut. Silence.
This silence is golden. Worth everything I have, because this silence is not like any other silence. It doesn't derive from confusion or fear. It is not edged with anxiety or awkwardness. No, this silence is grand. Calm,relaxed. Now guards marching through the granite paved streets. No bullhorns blaring the ruthless commands of our deleterious commander. No school bells ringing, no birds chirping.
No cannons.
Nothing. Just silence, and I am grateful for it. I am determined to grasp every second, unsure of how long it will last. Or it won't.
Then something happens. My delicate lull is broken into something...eeiry. I can feel the vibe change in my gut.
Listen to me Bella.
a women's voice-one I'm too familiar with- says in a soft, urgent whisper. My eyes snap open.
Listen to me.
Not again. I think.
My mood- which, just twenty seconds ago was calm and relaxed and I might even say happy- now is tense, angry, scared. A heavy clump of nausea forms in the pit of my stomach, causing it to drop so low I'm afraid it will never rise again. My eyes dart to the corner on my left, and there I see her. Maya- or at least I think that's her name. She's a tall woman with rich merlot red hair that flows so graciously down her back. That's the only thing about her that isn't unnerving. Her purple lips stand out against her deathly pale skin. Her blue eyes are dark and exigent, yet exhibit a person who is kind, loving and fiercely protective. She wears a soft blue tattered ball gown with crimson splat all over it. Her arms are stained to the elbow with shiny crimson while specks of it dot her cheeks and forehead. She's bruised on most of her body, at least of what I can see. It's a full length bridal gown- or it was at one point- now torn at the feet. But none of that's the most unsettling. The scariest thing about her is she's so...translucent. I can see right through her almost. And when she moves, her body leaves evidence- light trails perhaps- that linger for a while beforE fading into nothing.
Only I can see her. No one else can. I know this because no one ever does. The first time I saw her I had Danny questioning my sanity, I did too. She only ever says one thing.
Listen to me Arabella.
Listen to what exactly? How does she know my name? Her mere presence strikes cold fear and utter hopelessness into my heart that rock my body all the way to the core.
Block it out Bella. Block her out. I think, but her restless voice overcomes my neglect.
Listen to me.
I look away quick, tears swelling in my eyes. I breathe in deep shaken breaths.
"Go away." I whisper. My voice is low with sternness and irritation...and fear. It's broken by anger and weakness and hopeful intentions, but despondent expectations.
She says nothing. Silence once again. But this time, it isn't relaxed. It's not calm. It's tense, eeiry. I wish desperately for a noise. A siren. A cannon. Anything to break this silence. It surrounds me. Consumes me. Traps me in a world of pressure and depression, suffocating me. Controlling me. Taking me out of my comfort zone, driving me out of my mind.
Then the air lifts and the pressure is gone. The in intensity is gone. My silence is back, but my assurance is still missing. I remain the same broken soul I became that first day I saw her. The day my life- as well as everyone else's- changed forever.
I drop my head sullenly, fighting the urge to cry. One of the hardest recurring altercations I face. I lift my head just as a small tear glides down my cheek. I silently curse myself for letting this happen.
"It's time for school Bella-" my sister, Rosie, walks in. I quickly wipe away the tears on my face, but not quickly enough.
"Hey," she says,"are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." I say in the brightest voice I can manage, but Rosie knows me almost as well as I do and there's no way I can even hope that passed.
"Okay that wasn't really the question, I know you're not okay." She sits on the other end of my bed,"What's wrong?"
I look at her for a second, then look away trying to find and excuse or a way to avoid the question, but my mind comes up blank. She doesn't know about Maya. No one does, and no one ever will.
Feeling suddenly nauseous, I flop down on my pillow and lay on my shoulder, pulling my legs partially up to my body to appease the ache in my stomach. Rosie lay next to me, turning so her face is just inches from mine."Is it Johnny?" she asks in a low concerned voice. I shake my head, unable to lie to my sister."What is it?"
I want to tell her so badly. Every cell in my body screams for m to open up, but I still can't. I don't know what she'll think of me afterward. We have a pact, but is it strong enough to overcome this? Medium ship is considered a sin, and is punishable by exile or death.
I shake my head.
"You can tell me." She's practically pleading now, but I just slowly shake my head again.
"It's nothing." I reply. She sighs.
"Okay." Surprisingly, this is all she says.