Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts is owned by Disney and Squaresoft. And the song Simple and Clean is by Utada Hikaru and is from the first Kingdom Hearts.
Warnings: Language, boy/boy, boy/girl, hints at girl/girl, original characters, (normal) pregnancy, depression, and the like. Mainly about Riku/Sora and Axel/Roxas, though others pop up.
Notes: I wrote 25 chapters of this like 4 years ago or something. I posted it, took it off, posted it again, and took it off again to rework. I am determined to get this stupid thing finished. Spent so much time plotting everything out. It needs to be finished. First 5 chapters are written as first person thought things. They are also pretty short. Normal, longer chapters start with number 6.
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Unsung Hearts
I. Simple and Clean
Sora's POV
I've been having these weird thoughts lately... like... is any of this for real... or not?
That's how it all starts... doesn't it? A simple thought? How could I have known? All these years… A thought. A simple damn fucked up thought. And everything seems... so… so complicated now... Like I can't think straight… I can't make up my mind… I can't seem to let you go... And why? Why is it so hard? To let you go?
When exactly was it? That first time? When did this thought first occur? I've been thinking about that a lot lately… ever since we got back… Trying to pinpoint it. Maybe then I could understand it a bit better. What is this feeling... and why? When did it first happen? Was it when we were on the islands? We were always together. I always felt drawn to you. But it was all innocent, right? You never showed any interest in me, right? At least not that I noticed. I never showed any interest in you back then. Was there any? Was there ever a chance? That you needed me as much as I need you now?
I don't think life is quite that simple. Simple… Is life ever that simple? Is anything? I can't get you off my mind... and I wonder... is that so bad anyways? To think of you? All the time? Is it really so bad? To want something that I don't deserve? I want to though… to deserve you… I don't want to be without you... to live without you... ever... Why is everything so hard?
It had been so long... I had been looking for you for so long... you may not have known, but finding you was always on my mind. You were always my first thought. Sure… there were worlds to save and heartless to destroy… and then the Nobodies and the Organization… but still… through it all… finding you always seemed more important. More than anything, all I wanted was to see your face, to hear your voice again. To hear you say my name. But every turn was a dead end. Every time I thought I was one step closer... I had actually gone two steps backwards. I could always feel your presence... but it was like you were just out of my reach. It was almost as if you were always there, always watching me and walking away. But you wouldn't do that, right?
It was the belief that you were alive, that you were out there somewhere, waiting for me to find you… that thought kept me going, that I would see you again, that we would be together again. It was confusing as hell and I tried not to think about it too much... but it kept me searching. I think… I had to believe that… that we would be together eventually. If I allowed myself to believe that you were gone forever… out of my reach… I believe I would have died along the way. I couldn't allow that to happen. I had to save you, to be around you again. I had to see your face and hear your voice. Is that so wrong?
I would do anything for you… Maybe it is wrong… on so many different levels. But I think I've gotten to the part where I don't give a damn anymore... or maybe I just understand it better. Fuck what everyone else thinks, right? You never cared anyways. You did whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted. You never gave a second thought to anyone else's problem. Sometimes I think you never cared about me either. Why should you anyways? What was I to you but a weakling? Someone to kick around. Why should I care what you think about me? I shouldn't.
But then… that's a lie. It's not as simple as that. The truth is I do care. I care what you think. I care what you think of me and of the friendship we've shared all these years. I care about how you feel and… everything. What would you think if I told you… that… I think I'm in love with you? That I think I've been in love with you for a long time. Maybe even since the islands. Maybe since we first became friends… is that even possible? To love someone for so long without knowing it?
People call me naïve, immature, stupid, childish, slow… they treat me like I'm just some useless kid. It used to piss me off so much. But you know what? They must be right. Because I'm just dense enough to not realize I've been in love with you my whole life. That has got to be the very definition of stupid, right?
I am scared. Truthfully, I've never been as terrified as I am now. All I want is... you... But… I can't help but feel like this is all wrong… Like everything I'm feeling is wrong… I want you... Is that so bad? Is it so wrong? I want you to be mine... Forever... Could it be so simple?
"Riku... are you there?"
And maybe some things are that simple…
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Notes: So yeah… like I said, 25 chapters for this are written. But the song lyric parts need to be removed. And I plan on doing a bit of editing and adding. So will see about posting once a week or so.