The Consequences of Being Addicted to Draco Malfoy
An addiction is a condition in which an individual feels a recurring urge to use a specific type of substance or engage in a certain activity despite potentially harmful consequences.
My name is Hermione Granger and I have an addiction, an addiction to using a certain Draco Malfoy to engage in certain sexual activities despite the potentially harmful consequences; heartbreak, humiliation and the utter collapse of my entire life to name a few.
Key characteristics of an addiction include:
Salience: the activity taking a high level of importance in a person's life and dominating their thoughts, feelings and behaviour. It would be fair to say that for much of the time I am not with Draco I am thinking about him. Being with him is critical to my self-esteem as well as my sanity so consequently meeting with Draco several times a week in deserted corridors has become somewhat of a priority in my life.
Mood modification: a change in subjective experience that people with an addiction (me) report as a consequence of engaging in the activity. Being with Draco has made everything feel better, the world look brighter. I've got back the bounce in my step and the feeling of having something to look forward to, something the war robbed of me.
Tolerance: decreased sensitivity to the activity over time and more amounts of the activity are required to achieve the initial desired effects. When Draco and I first started meeting it was once a week, less if we were busy. But over time this gradually increased with our increased need to be together.
Withdrawal: the unpleasant psychological and physical reactions that occur when the particular activity is suddenly reduced or discontinued. Draco and I had a disagreement earlier in our relationship. He'd started a fight with Harry and Ron and I'd refused to meet him for a fortnight to punish him. Turns out it was just as much of a punishment for me. During that time I was exhausted, depressed and irritable. Even oblivious Ron noticed something was up. Needless to say I didn't inform him that I was suffering Malfoy withdrawal.
Relapse: recurrence of earlier patterns of the activity after a period of abstinence. Draco knew I wouldn't be able to resist him for long and he was right. Within two weeks of his fight with Harry I was back in his bed, "where you belong" he had said.
Conflict: disagreements, clashes etc. intrapersonal and/or with others as a result of the addiction. I started fighting with Ron whenever he would whine about Draco or snapping at Harry when he would ask too many questions about where I was or what I'd been doing. And those were just the fights I had with them. How many times had I torn myself apart thinking about him, sensibility and lust fighting each other every step on my way to our agreed location?
Gambling is a form of an addiction and includes any activity in which anything of value is put at risk in an event of uncertain outcome that relies in part on chance. Coming out with our relationship was a gamble. We were putting everything on the line; our reputations, our relationships with our friends and in Draco's case his inheritance. Everything hung on the others reception of us. If my friends hated me for this could I really stay with Draco knowing the pain I was causing them? Would Draco stay with me if his parents threatened to disinherit him, an inheritance he'd been waiting for since he was five?
The goal of a gambler is to win more than you lose. But as everyone knows, this rarely happens, or casinos would go out of business. The whole relationship with Draco had been a gamble of everything I cared about. Gamblers rarely win. I was lucky. So far I'd won far more than I'd lost. But was this revelation to the world, this public display of affection, too much of a gamble?
Draco, ever the exhibitionist, wanted to put on a show.
"One of the reasons were doing this is so I can kiss you anytime I want." He reminded me. "I plan on commencing the exercise of that privilege right now."
And that's exactly what he did, right in front of his friends, right in front of mine. Colin Creevy even snapped a photo of it to use on the front page of his Hogwarts Monthly Magazine. I don't remember much after the kiss, too paralyzed with fear over my friends reactions to take much in, but I do recall Ron's look of fury and Neville passing out.
There are 3 levels of gamblers.
Level 1 is the majority of the community, those who gamble for fun as a social activity, who have complete control over how often and how much they gamble. For the first few weeks of being with Draco I was in this level. He was just something on the side to make me feel better about myself. I'm sure I was the same to him. Needless to say, we didn't remain at this level for long.
Level 2 is the minority of people who have a moderate gambling problem. They're the kind who chase loses, feel guilty, have arguments, conceal their habit, and may experience depression. I was in this category. I slipped in without realizing that I had and now it's taken this revelation to get me out of it.
Level 3 is a small group of people who have severe gambling problems that cause depression, serious suicidal thoughts, divorce, debt and/or poverty. I pray that things won't go this far though I already know that if things ended badly with Draco I'd probably be considering suicide as well.
A pathological gambler is someone who engages in persistent and recurring gambling behaviour that disrupts personal, family and/or work related relationships and activities. This disorder can be diagnosed and treated. To be diagnosed a person must experience at least five of ten symptoms: preoccupation (for at least 2 weeks), tolerance, loss of control, withdrawal, escape, chasing, lying, illegal activity, risked relationships and/or bailout.
Draco Malfoy has made me a pathological gambler. I'm officially a nut case.
Gambling is a type of impulse control disorder. Impulse control is the psychological effort made to resist an urge, inner drive or temptation to do something that is potentially harmful to oneself or others. I use to criticize Harry for not trying to break the connection between his mind and Voldermort's. Then I criticized myself for not resisting Draco. Now I think impulse control is over rated. Who needs it really?
I've been addicted to Draco Malfoy for over a year now, and today he got down on one knee and asked the question every girl hopes the love of her life will one day ask her.
My name is Hermione Granger and I am a pathological gambler. I continue to risk everything in my life including my sanity, for the substance that is Draco Malfoy. He's made me crazy, happy, delirious, furious, depressed and elated.
But I never knew till today that he was just as, if not more so, addicted to me as I am to him.
The end.